Hello

Hi, please be kind, this is quite a lot for me to open up about. I’m a 31 year old womanwith OCD and have had it for most of my life. Partly due to OCD and other things, cultural upbringing etc I’ve never been in a proper relationship, and as a result not had sex (not wanted a one night stand etc) but have always seen myself as eventually marrying a guy and having kids. My main obsession is worries about my family and harm but also for most of my life I’ve also been questioning my sexuality. I have never kissed a woman but seem to be obsessed with boobs and feel I am sexually attracted to women more than men, who I don’t tend to feel sexually attracted to but instead romantically I want to be around them, however I’ve only ever felt that with a few guys. I’ve only kissed a handful of guys and enjoyed only one of those experiences. Due to my confusion about whether it is OCD or whether I am queer I’ve identified as bi for a while, which seemed to fit. However the last few days I’ve been convinced I was a lesbian. I do compulsions, the am I gay quizzes, on the internet, looking at pictures to see my response etc which is characteristic of OCD but I also enjoy being around women and it doesn’t fill me with anxiety like my OCD symptoms around other themes. Is there anyone here who has had SO OCD but also discovered that they are queer and has trouble pulling apart which bits are ocd and which aren’t? I keep trying to sit with the uncertainty and tell myself maybe I’m gay, maybe I’m bi, but that doesn’t seem to bother me like statements with my other obsessions. I’ve been doing a lot of research on sexuality and think that also if sexuality is fluid which I think it is how does anyone commit to a stable relationship? I had a really bad mental health day last week, suicidal thoughts, extreme PMS where I looked through my life experiences and thought ahh it makes sense im actually a lesbian, eg. All the times ive wanted to hug my female friends or stared at them and the times ive been on dates with guys but then my interest just seems to fizzle out or I feel bored or felt uncomfortable with. Im not looking for reassurance just would like to hear from people who have questioned their sexuality and thing it’s is more than OCD or queer people with OVD who have similar experiences. Thank you

Hey y’all! I’m new to the app and to the NOCD community. I have been reading other people’s posts on this little forum. It has mostly been comforting to see that I’m not alone. However, I feel like I stepped into another spiral by doing so. I’ve been reading people’s posts with SO-OCD. I’m a lesbian. I have a long-term girlfriend. I feel very confident in my sexuality and in our relationship. BUT, these posts have me doubting everything and my whole identity.I don’t even know why I looked, but I regret it. I suddenly feel so much shame for being a lesbian after reading about other people’s shame with same-sex attraction. I’m also feeling like “what if I’m not actually gay, and I’ve just been giving into SO-OCD”? I’m also feeling overwhelmed with religious guilt even though I walked away from the church years ago. I actually feel sick to my stomach. I’m not here to make light of anyone’s experiences with SO-OCD. I just want to feel normal. Does any of the other queer OCD population struggle with this too?

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha