I want to enjoy my life and I won't be able to have this life again but this OCD is stopping me from feeling real I am literally crying right now I am just 17 and I have rest of my life left how will I spend it
I started experiencing my OCD issues very young. I’m about to turn 30 this year. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it will all disappear some day, because it won’t. But you will get stronger, your symptoms will subside, new ones will appear, and you learn to cope with them as they come. My advice to you is to start therapy and psychiatry while you are young. If I could go back in time and change things I would have done it when I was your age instead of saying I didn’t need it back then. Because I really did. You will be ok my friend. This is where you push.
My exams are going to be over after 9 days so will it be ok if I start therapy after 9 days?
@happiness._.123 It’s never too late to start therapy, when you are able I urge you to look into it :)
Actually I'll tell you a story about one of my students. She was one of my proudest achievements in my career. It shows how much someone can change. So I'm a driving instructor and have done this job for a few years now. When I first started my effectively boss used to give me all the anxious ones in our driving school (she did this without my knowing. Only found out later). So I get this girl, 17, anxious AF, cuts all up and down her arms, legs are shaking and she can't stop touching her face with her left hand. It took 2 lessons to make progress because she was terrified. I thought this was made as she rides a motorbike. One lesson, when I felt like she was more confident, I told her I'd push her limits a bit and try and get her out her comfort zone. I stressed her out so much I genuinely thought she was going to self harm after. So I was messaging her to calm her down and trying to contact her parents at the same time. I got the dads number via the mum and we had a long phone call and he really appreciated me going to this length to make sure his daughter was fine. He gave me a few tips to deal with her and her quirks. Over time things got better and she started being more comfortable and Jesus she was weird, but it was really funny. I remember her scared to change gears on bends so I took us someehere quiet with roundabouts and changed into a gear so high on each of them that she was forced to change it or we would stall on the roundabout (which she was scared of more). After the was able to change gears no issues. Was like a game and kind of like ERP for her. Cut forward to the future and she needed me to pick her up from her boyfriends address which is fine by me. I some how put my phone on silent, including the alarm and slept I'm which is extremely rare for me. I woke up to several missed calls and extremely concerned messages from her. She was freaking out and thinking I had been in an accident or got lost because she changed the pick up address. A day later she asked for a refund for the lessons prepaid for and I could tell she was going to find another instructor. I didn't think it was that bad of an error. I felt guilty and apologised and wished her luck. Cut forward a month and a half, I'm on holiday and she calls me out of the blue to ask for me back as her other instructor was awful and her mum was going full Karen on that one to get them fired. I took her back np. I could hear the mum in the back saying she shouldn't have left me in the first place jokingly and this girl had the sense of humour to laugh about it. Turns out what happened when I didn't turn up because of the alarm.. She was having a huge melt down and her neighbour had a gf that was a new instructor and they were trying to poach her anyway because she needed the work. The bf didn't know how to calm her down so he came up with that as a solution because he was distressed. She was so distressed about the whole thing that she started peeing the bed which is crazy bless her. She looks like the twin of jenna ortega so you wouldn't expect it. With more progress she felt comfortable to do 60mph around bends at night on Country roads with no street lights (and doing it well). She also tried launching my car and "racing" a car next to me. I let her but once we hit the speed limit I slowed her down. If you told me she'd be anything like that when I first got her, I'd tell you to f off. 2 months roughly down the line and she passes with the strictest examiner who I think has ocd too. She didn't cut her wrists anymore, she was confident and extremely talkative and believed in herself. This wasn't all on me. This change was something she was working for and her bf helped her mentally behind the scenes. Last year she wanted to catch up and I agreed. I found she has ocd (I never knew. I thought it was severe anxiety) and I only just got diagnosed at that point and just discovered how ERP worked. We were really close by to a place that triggered a phobia of mine that I've had for over 15 years and she came with me while I did erp for it. I was there for about 4 minutes, thinking I'd die but I told her not to intervene, comfort me or reassure me in any way as I knew how this worked in theory. It worked and it was a eureka moment. I took that skill and used it on almost every opportunity I had, I'd even go out my way to do it. Even on stuff that wasn't ocd related. My phobia of 15+ years disappeared after 4 self erp exercises. Anyway.. She is now living with her bf and his family in a street full of mansions and she works at a bar. Has a nice motorbike and decent enough car and is more confident and level headed than I've ever seen her before by far. So yeh, ocd may be with you the rest of your life but that does not mean things can't get better. She is living proof. Think of ocd like a shadow. Follow the light and your ocd will be behind you. Follow the darkness and ocd will be leading you. It's all about where your focus is and the intention behind the focus.
Everyone okay? I have A healing affect
I work with people your age and people do change. You need to know your stuff though and out the work in. It's scarier when you don't what you're doing and everything will feel bleak
Put the work in*
I thought this was weird *
I can't stop thinking about ending my life. I feel like I'm not even living, I'm just surviving. Everyone is capable of being a person and functioning and I'm just stuck here avoiding everything. My psychiatrist said my ocd is severe and it will all take time and I'll start erp and I'm already on medication but I just feel so depressed and like I won't be able to handle erp and it's already too late for me. I feel inhuman, it's debilitating. My major theme is just fear or contamination, I can't even make myself a meal I can't touch anything in the kitchen. I get stuck in the shower for 2 hours and when I don't shower because I'm depressed I feel like a walking germ. My hands are a mess, my school work is shit, I avoid and avoid and I'm just so tired of "living" like this. My psychiatrist said they don't have any therapists available right now like.... excuse me? What do you mean u don't have any 😭 I honestly don't even know why I'm typing this becuase nothing helps, nothing ever will. I'm so deep into this I can't get out, my room looks like shit, I can't live in this body anymore, I really can't. I let everyone down, I am and will be such a dissapointment. I don't have any dreams or goals or passions I just wasn't made to be here. I don't know how or who to ask for help like there's nothing anyone can do, I'm already on meds. I can't keep being like this, seeing everyone judge me for acting insane.
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
17f Just like the title says. I came to realization that I lost a whole year of life. I remembered my real event in the end of january of 2024. Since then my life has been a living hell. Also kinda made a couple new smaller events through this year. And I know I deserve it cause my event was actually bad. Even people without ocd on reddit agree it was bad. It's still ocd, but I deserve it probably. For this whole year I haven't had a day when I wouldn't think of it. It became my default state to constantly have it on my mind. I walked around, pretended to have fun, talked to people. Most of the time I wasn't really there, I was thinking about my event. My event haunts me when I'm awake, when I'm asleep. I spend this whole year either freaking out, being depressed, thinking on methods to off myself, ruminating, seeking reassurance or trying to distract myself with books, TV shows, social media or daydreaming. Literally barely engaged with reality. So it's so hard to believe a whole year passed... I can barely remember anything that happened during this year. I can't believe this is my life. Probably doesn't really matter cause I don't plan on staying there that long. There is no way I'm going to experience piece with myself. So I will be out in a year or so, since my plan requires some time. Finally will end it all. It just feels very weird. A whole year passed. I was so deep down in my head I didn't even notice. It's scary.
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