I need help/advise

My OCD has gotten way better, but I still struggle with one thing in particular. This does not necessarily have to do with my ocd but I also struggled with it while I was still struggling. It is this feeling of always needing to do better, to evolve, change things etc. This affects my relationship. Everyday I bring something up to my partner that we/he could change. Everyday I insist on having deep/meta psychological talks about how we feel, what we need, what we should change and it is really taking a toll on my partner. It feels like I am constantly trying to be better, to make him or us better and it is hurting both of us. He is not a better partner at all, I am just sooo scared of things not turning out okay or right. I just have this heavy pressure on my heart, idk if it is fomo, anxiety or whatever but it sucks joy out of things. I feel like I‘m constantly trying to live im check lists. „Oh this was a cute moment, check“ „okay, we just had a good conversation, check“ and so on. Every moment i spend with him has to be evaluated and it. Is. Draining. It drains me so so much. I am just so scared of not being mature enough, that m partner and I don’t talk enough, don’t know each other enough or that things should be different. Do any of you have the same problem? This is not just a relationship problem for me. I also feel like I am not doing enough, I should be experiencing more things, etc. I know i should just let go but I can’t. Do you have tips, advice or similar story? Please share, I feel so frustrated and alone. I don’t want to be this serious, strict being.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 47w ago

It sounds like OCD. It sounds like it’s taken a different form than what you’re used to. It’s sometimes not helpful to reference our past for signs of OCD because it can morph. The best thing to do is notice the preoccupation, anxiety, and discomfort with uncertainty (projecting how your relationship will or won’t turn out etc). If you haven’t done it already, use the tools you have (ERP, mindfulness, whatever you use). I would also recommend finding ways to have fun yourself. Do things that fulfill you and make you happy. That way you’re filling your own cup and coming to your relationship with the kind of spark and vibe that your boyfriend fell in love with in the first place (and what made you feel good within yourself). This is also the glue that keeps relationships together over time (not just the “deep work”). 🩷

Username: FragileFragile

Date posted: 46w ago

@Anonymous Thank you so much for your response. It felt very grounding to read! I wasn’t really aware, that it is also a part of my ocd but it really makes sense. It is shifting sometimes and I don’t really notice it. Now that I know, I can try to work with it. Thank you! 🌞

Username: ocdsufferer101ocdsufferer101

Date posted: 46w ago

I am so so glad I found this post in time. I am constantly getting at my partner all the time. Constantly finding stupid tiny things wrong that he does and overthink every communication we have (if he was reassuring enough, if he was defensive, etc). It is totally ruining our relationship but I’ve no clue how to stop it, I almost find comfort in bringing stuff up because I’m so used to confessing to make my anxiety and thoughts better but it’s no longer working so it’s trying everything to see if it gives the same kick. I saw this post the other day about trying to let yourself fall into the blame, try blame yourself if you feel something is wrong or take accountability for a situation that has come up randomly

Username: FragileFragile

Date posted: 45w ago

Oh i am so sorry to hear! I feel like we‘re going through similar stuff. It is really really hard and I feel like I physically and mentally can’t stop myself from being like this. The only thing that helps just a little bit is acknowledging the thoughts and just view it. No response nothing. And I try to highlight good things he does as well. The two weeks it was a bit better. I wish u all the best!🌞

Username: monica<3

Date posted: 25w ago

ocd is controlling my life

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Username: egtimko785

Date posted: 24w ago

OCD ruining my relationship

I feel like I am constantly questioning every word and action of my boyfriend and I don’t know how to stop. It is driving us both insane. It has gotten to the point where I am picking apart the smallest things and making him explain them if he does not word it a certain way. How do i stop? :(

Username: 𝐩𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐤𝐢𝐧🤍🦇🎃

Date posted: 18w ago

Would someone help me with this OCD thought ?

So i use to get a lot of relationship OCD. I recently got into a relationship two months ago. i have been experiencing some relationship OCD thoughts like “do i like my partner enough” and to complete the compulsion of telling them that i am having this thought. I use to be able to conquer them but after bringing it up in therapy it got worse. does anyone have any recommendations on how to conquer this compulsion and thought? I don’t want to scare my partner away.

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