caseydilla

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD/SO-OCD combined

I have had bits of OCD and anxiety as long as I can remember but never in this way. I am in a 3+ year relationship with my now fiance. About 8-9 months ago I started heavily doubting our relationship.. doubting his love for and intentions with me and that we'd inevitably split up. That turned into me questioning my love for him. Questioning if my amount of sexual desire was "normal", if it's "normal" to find other men attractive if youre with the "right" one and that would go in and on. Then came the SO-OCD. These worries, fears, and doubts made me questioning EVER bit of my sexuality and that being the reason why I've felt a lack of contentment in my very healthy, stable, consistent relationship. I feel as though this is my body going full on protector mode!! I've had my share of trauma growing up and in adult relationships that have left me with tons of relational wounds and then pile on a lifetime of fantasizing about what it would be like to find "the one" (thanks Hollywood and social media lol). All of this to wonder if anyone can relate to all of this and how you've been working through layered traumas and OCD

🫠

Date posted: 1y ago

You are not alone! That's how my SOOCD started too - questioning every part of my relationship. I'm in the best relationship of my life and now my brain is trying to find any reason to blow it up to protect me from future pain (I have gone through a lot of loss). Having SOOCD is honestly terrifying, especially in a stable and loving relationship. I try to remind myself that it's just a theme and my fear of loss is the core issue. I hope you work yours out, as I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

caseydilla

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

You're spot on, it is terrifying but that's a great way of looking at the struggle. Our protective mechanism is just VERY strong and maybe a little dramatic, but it's who we are and we learn to deal with the core issues. Thank you for sharing your experience

Zxs2000

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I just want to affirm how challenging it is to go through ROCD & SO-OCD. I’ve found that with doing exposures, I’ve gained a degree of separation. Even though the thoughts are still there, I don’t feel I have to listen to them & I’m back to feeling strong queer identity after confusion

caseydilla

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

That's wonderful, so proud of you for regaining your strength after your struggle

Anonymous<3

Date posted: 1y ago

Wow it’s like we’re living the same way. I relate so much . I literally started having thoughts myself right after my boyfriend and I celebrated 3years being together. And comparing to myself to the movies just like you’re describing. Paying attention to every detail. I love this app because I can communicate with someone else who truly understands me. Thank you for sharing and if you’d like to talk more about what we’re going through I’m very open to do so:)

caseydilla

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you for being willing to talk! I just might take you up on that!

Date posted: 1y ago

My first intrusive thoughts came at 26 in a relatively new relationship. Out of the blue I had a thought that I didn’t feel enough for her. That thought became an obsession that I had to solve. After months it turned to SOOCD. Been battling for 8+ years now. I hate it. Up until that first thought I’d never had to question any of this stuff. Now it’s all consuming and feels so real.

jh_1996

Date posted: 1y ago

I also relate to this a ton! I’ve been with my fiancé for a little over three years now, and my ROCD/SOOCD started when we got engaged (two years into our relationship). Thank you for sharing your story, and if you ever wanted to connect to talk more about it and the impact on wedding planning, let me know!!

caseydilla

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Wow yeah, we haven't gotten to wedding planning yet so I'm sure I will benefit from some insight. Thank you for being willing to talk!

suejun

Date posted: 1y ago

I was sexually molested by an adult man and then on I don’t seem to trust anyone or any relationship I doubt they really like me or care about me at all why they are nice to me and they are trying to use me? I distanced myself from them all then I make new friends and mostly get hurt by them One day these two girls (in sixties) ignored me and it bothered me greatly I looked back and realized that the last time I first ignored them which I thought was fine but it wasn’t I’m older but I seemed to immature in my relationship

Ditto

Date posted: 1y ago

If anyone wants to chat, I can relate too!

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 29w ago

How is everyone doing?

sushilover2000

Date posted: 23w ago

thank you guys for sharing!!! i don’t feel alone. i’ve lost attraction towards my partner it feels and my libido is gone and it really is just making me spiral. it’s as if mt ROCD fuels my SOOCD and vice versa

allyocd

Date posted: 12w ago

can SO-OCD do this?

im having a unusually hard flare up for two months. ive never had it this bad before (ive had this on and off for many years - thank god not constantly.) lately, i keep having these images in my head and scenarios in my head of me "coming out" in the future and ending my relationship with my amazing fiance who i love dearly. he knows everything but i still feel like i am constantly lying to him, my family, and friends. i need to know that this is something the SO-OCD can do to you? the weird thing is, is that i have never been attracted to woman. i do admire their beauty and wish to LOOK like them or have a specific feature they have, but i dont have any urges to like be with them yet i am dealing with this really bad flare up. My brain keeps telling me that since i have never tried it, i would never know, and i am just getting really distressed from it. i just want to be happy again and it seems impossible. I am convinced i am only person that is using SO-OCD as an excuse. Any guidance or advice, or anything really, will help. i just feel alone and scared and sad all the time.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Ellie.

Date posted: 10w ago

I’m begging ANYONE help I can’t take it anymore!!

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

Relationship OCD

vizzy15

Date posted: 8w ago

So-ocd

Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.

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