advice

Recently I made a post about how, when I watch lesbian p.rn I’m turned on by it, or have sexual girl on girl thoughts w my friends that I like? But like don’t at the same time, I feel extremely guilty and gross after. And it only happens when my ocd spiral gets bad. Other than that I’ve never really even worried about it. But I’m with my boyfriend of 5 months. And my minds worrying me like “oh what if u find a girl u want to leave him for.” Like no my boyfriend is everything I’ve ever wanted. Anywho besides that. Since I was SA’d when I was little. My mind has made like everything a turn on, like family, people I shouldn’t be attracted to etc, and like some of the people who aren’t family I’d like finish to the thought of them ??? If that makes any sense. And since then it’s like anything turns me on, but I don’t ever want it half of the time. And I really only watched lesbian stuff or thought about it because it’s more like gentle? But now I think about my bf and before that I just thought about guys for a while but it’s extremely distressing, I’ve never once thought about my self as a bi, or any of that sort. Also when I was younger I did send nudes to a girl, because it was like an adrenaline thing and I was really young she was my close friends and then around 2 yrs ago when me and her talked again it felt weird and gross like I had “feelings” for her but didn’t? So I ended up not talking to her anymore.