I seriously feel like the exception

I’m officially diagnosed and on meds but my sexual OCD has so much evidence to prove that my obsessions and fears are true. My real event is a compulsive porn use in my past, and now I’m scared if any of that means anything. And my OCD targets people of a specific body size, leading me to question if those are my true preferences and I don’t want that to be the case :( I feel sexually broken, seriously, how am I supposed to move on from this? I feel I turned gay, or a deviant or always have been!

Embo20

Date posted: 14h

Well I can tell you that porn addiction is extremely common. Lots of people suffer from it. And if not an addiction Tons of people watch porn. Your ocd is just latching onto to the fact you watched it, amplifying the guilt you associate with it to create doubt. They call ocd the doubting disease! The fact you don’t want it to be the case, and the thoughts/ fears of it prove that’s not you. If you truly wanted it you wouldn’t feel this way about it. OCD is extremely ego- dystonic. It goes against our core values, what we care about most to keep our attention, and seems to be the case of what’s happening here to you! And also. Everyone who has anxiety/ ocd feels like the exception, that’s what it does. You’re not special nor unique dude. But most importantly. And please believe me when I say this. You’re not unique. You’re not broken! And you can overcome this

ocd1101

Date posted: 14h

@Embo20 Dude you don’t know how relieving your response was. Man I’m going to be honest. I’m worried over if I have a fetish and if that’s all I can get aroused by. It involves people of a certain body types doing stuff to other people. It can be any gender. Even ended up in chat rooms talking to other men about this one thing. I would consume this daily until I realized I had a problem. Fast forward to today, I find myself go through these severe episodes over and over again and I am diagnosed and take medication. None of this is who I am today. But the shame and guilt is tearing me apart. It’s night time here and I’m mentally preparing for a bad episode tomorrow. I just know it’ll happen, even if I feel somewhat okay at the moment. I know Chrissie Hodges said that past behaviors and porn use means nothing, but what if it does to a degree? Like what if my capability of normal arousal is messed up and I can’t even ever have normal sex? These are all my secondary fears. I’m just confused and don’t know who I am anymore. My whole life was consumed by this. Feels like I lost myself man.

Embo20

Date posted: 13h

@ocd1101 You can’t change the past, all we can control is the present. There’s absolutely no reason you can’t become the person you want to be. And ocd/ therapy treatment teaches us how to do just that. I understand shame and guilt, I had a porn addiction and felt shame over it, but dude like I said do you know how normal that is? Do you know how many people have fetishes? How many people have ocd? The fact your feeling the guilt and shame prove that’s not you anymore! People feel guilt and shame when they know right from wrong! Which proves you’re a good person with morals and you are in control and you direct the direction your life is gonna take from here on out! YOU HAVE A CHOICE WHERE YOUR ATTENTION GOES! you don’t want to have a fetish? Then don’t dude. Don’t give it any attention. Resist the compulsion urge to look at whatever the content is, sit with the discomfort of it, just like they teach in therapy. And eventually your brain will get the picture. You don’t care about whatever it is. Your gonna be fine dude. Your gonne be the person you want to be! Just gonna take some tough work!

ran_0fff

Date posted: 15h

I feel this way about my pocd

ocd1101

Date posted: 15h

@ran_0fff It sucks man :/ are you in an episode atm? Because I am.

ran_0fff

Date posted: 14h

@ocd1101 I feel like im never not in an episode

MEO18

Date posted: 11h

Hey, I’m currently experiencing something eerily similar. And what sucks the most is that I thought I had “beat” my OCD. First diagnosed and treated 10 years ago. But I’ve “relapsed” and here again. You’re not alone. I have the same theme. Have always been with women, desired women, been in love with women. And then BOOM. I’m gay? I’ve been spending hours ruminating. I feel the same way “maybe I am the exception” “maybe I am lying to myself”. I want to reiterate everything @embo20 stated. And thank you Embo20 for your comments. They helped me a lot too. We’re not alone in this.

Pravin

Date posted: 4h

Exact same brother with cherry on top I am short heighted and low confidence due to it I always compare to other dudes heights like I want to be this tall means I completely decorate myself I am nothing I am not tall and false attraction is there to males both this combine and feel like I am straight but like tall guys it really busted my brain but in real I am doing comparison in real I always want gf/ wife have kids have sexually,romantically, emotionally always want to be with girl and by this hocd brain I can't feel my true feelings for girl but when I feel I really feel relax comfort about thinking of girls like burst of dopamine butterfly and I have gf I will do sex with her cuddle her sleep on her lap everything and just feel I am really feeling who I am I don't have money so surviving on own

Pravin

Date posted: 4h

Deteriorate*

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