false attraction or real jealousy?

there’s this guy i’ve known since we were both kids, we became friends and “dated” in middle school for like a week. throughout middle (and maybe high school, at least on my end) we both sort of had mutual crushes on one another but never acted on it. he’s had a few girlfriends over the years and usually i would try to just get over him. however lately he’s just been on my mind more than i want him to be. like i’ll just have random thoughts about him or he’ll show up in my dreams and i don’t understand why, i haven’t talked to him in years since we started college. i’ll get feelings that feel like jealousy (i think more at the idea of other people being in happy relationships) and start to imagine what could’ve happened if we’d gotten together or i start to worry about future relationships and whether or not i’ll still be hung up on this dude, if we were to reconnect, if i should still be hopeful of something happening between us later etc. when i see pictures he posts with his gf i have thoughts like “she’s not good enough for him/i hope they break up” and it’s very confusing because i don’t think i actually believe that myself. i don’t want these thoughts at all and i don’t even think i still have feelings for him. he’s just there in the back of my mind and it’s been this way for years. i would like to be in a relationship and frequently imagine romantic scenarios and then he’ll pop up, i guess because it’s just familiar, and sometimes i don’t even push the thoughts away. i feel guilty for this because he’s in a relationship and i don’t want to be having thoughts or what feels like fantasies that i’m indulging in about this person, i really just want the images and constant reminder of him gone. i just want to know if this is ocd related and how to handle it.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 2d

What a coincidence that we posted about false attraction around the same time. I'm the same way with this woman I have a crush on but I know I'm not ready to pursue anything like that. I relate to those feelings you're talking about and I think that's fairly human. It's okay if you think you have a crush on him. I don't think that's a bad thing to admit to yourself, but it's also important that you note you aren't ready for dating. It's the exact same for me. Sometimes I get thoughts thinking that, and you can acknowledge them as unhelpful intrusive thoughts as well. They're impulsive and are the opposite of what is in your character. I myself have a hard time figuring out if I actually like someone or not and it can be very tiring so I just try not to figure it out. This can be a bit annoying but you aren't alone on this. Sorry it's bothering you

worryywart

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 lol yeah i realized that, he popped up in my dream again last night unfortunately and ik dreams don’t usually mean anything but i always assign meaning to them anyways 🙃 ive had dreams that (probably coincidentally) end up sort of pertaining to situations that happen later so i always worry my dreams are some type of “sign”…probably magical thinking ocd i guess. yeah i get it, sometimes it just feels like i’m willingly interacting with the thoughts. idk maybe i am and maybe i do still have feelings for him but i guess i just feel guilty about it since he’s in a relationship. i’d never try to pursue anything with him while he’s with someone else, i think i’m kinda just tired of being lonely and having thoughts about being in a relationship in general but i know it’s natural to have them anyways. it’s something i want but i don’t know anyone i’d actually be in a relationship with anyways as of now, plus all the other stuff i’ve talked about with my insecurities and stuff. glad to know i’m not alone and i hope the thoughts get better for you as well <33 it is just veryyy annoying but i sort of convinced myself it was wrong to have those thoughts. i guess it’s best to try not to think about the future much but it’s hard 🫠

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@worryywart OCD thoughts can definitely transform into dreams and nightmares and that can suck a lot. This has a different meaning to you then more intrusive thoughts does. I think there are levels to these things. To be honest I have the same kind of issues and because of that, that's precisely why I can't give too much advice about it. I'm very sorry :( I hope this is something you can find closure with in therapy soon.

worryywart

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 oh it’s ok don’t be sorry, your comment helped regardless! i thought about it a bit and i think i just have some unresolved feelings i probably need to work out on my own, i think its a combination of things more than just this specific guy and my feelings surrounding him. i’m gonna have to wait until next week to talk to my therapist but i’ll definitely bring it up along with my whole insecurities around relationships and myself in general since it’s been bothering me. i’m starting to realize it might be a bit of a bigger issue in regards to my self esteem than i thought lol but i’m hoping therapy will help. i hope it gets better for you as well, i really related to your post the other day so i hope you’re not being too hard on yourself :/

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@worryywart I agree with everything you said here. It's a combination of things that sort of pile on one another and it becomes this big thing, but taking it step by step can definitely be a big help for you! It's very responsible and good on your part that you're actively trying to figure out these things and understanding what's right for you and what isn't. It takes a lot, but I think that's a huge part of growth. I'm still doing that for myself when it comes to routines and doing the things I not only want to do and need to do instead of just doing things that I do on autopilot. It's more mindful to do the opposite. You mean the post talking about false attraction or shame? I'd say I'm doing pretty okay surprisingly! I'm in a good mood and I'm not overwhelmed by my thoughts right now and I'm just trying to live my life routinely. And not be on my phone a lot. That's one of my main goals at the moment.

worryywart

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 yep i think the last post you made! our situations aren’t exactly the same but i did feel a little seen reading yours. i’m glad you’re doing better! i’ve been decent it’s really just the thought loops that have been bothering me lately. i guess i should give myself a bit of credit for knowing when things need to change but i’m just sort of tired of going through the same mental things every year. i think i’ve mentioned before that i’ve had some body image issues that i haven’t talked to my therapist about so i’m definitely going to open up about that because they’ve been pretty bad on top of everything else lately. routines are always pretty good, i’m trying to start a good one myself that’ll hopefully fix some of my problems, i’ve been having trouble keeping a steady sleeping & eating schedule lately. next semester i’m finally doing in person classes after pretty much a year of just online classes, so i’m hoping that’ll keep me motivated and get me to open up more! being a bit of a hermit definitely didn’t help lol but for now i’m trying to survive finals which i think is probably the reason for my latest flare up. i think i’m gonna try to take up yoga again and staying off my phone right before bed, ive realized to feel better about myself i gotta actually take care of myself which i can sometimes neglect. i think writing a routine down and trying to stick with it over the winter break while i have free time might help me build up to a more steady one as well. i hope your new routines go well too, it can be really hard to stay off my phone so i get the struggle but you got this and you’re definitely not alone!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond