rocd worser then ever

I feel like I shouldn’t be with my partner anymore, but I have no clear reason why. I feel sad every single day, I have a constant heaviness in my chest, I cry often, and I start arguments with him. I can’t remember the good memories. Everything feels distant, fake, or tainted. I don’t know why I love him — and all my thoughts tell me that I never truly did, that I only wanted to feel something, and now I finally see the truth. The worst part is that it all feels so real. I feel lost. I feel numb. I feel guilty. I can’t feel love right now, but some part of me still wants to hold on, still wants help. I don’t want to make any decisions right now. I just want to know I’m not alone. Has anyone else gone through this?

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

No relatable experience, but from the outside reading this sounds like OCD has overwhelmed you to the point where you are very depressed and that only makes OCD worse, which only makes your depression worse. It’s a vicious cycle. You also said you have no clear reason why you shouldn’t be with him but then said that all your memories feel tainted and distance and hard to recall and all your thoughts saying you never truly loved him - this sounds like classic OCD taking you back and forth and not allowing to sit with any type of uncertainty. My general advice would be to start practicing acceptance, accept how OCD will latch onto any life event specially things that mean a lot to you like your relationship and the best way to deal with it is by not giving into the what if scenarios. This is very hard to do as it goes against all the instincts you have in the moment to figure it out what it could all mean - and then what does that mean about you … it’s exhausting. The best way to beat it is to recognize when it’s about to start (takes practice) and then refuse to engage and sit there with the anxiety, the sinking stomach feeling, the sense of urgency that you must figure that out immediately. Practice to just sit with that feeling until it peaks and then feel it coming down (it will come down) meantime try to refocus your attention ( very intentionally) on something else, whatever brings you pleasure even if you’re not fully engaged just keep going keep practicing.

Livi Jean

Date posted: 11w

I am going through something very similar with my partner right now. We have been long distance for about 10 months now and I am also starting to get to a point where I become irrational and start arguments out of nowhere. I don't even realize I'm doing it, it's just my compulsion saying I need to ask him the question over and over again of "am I enough?" and if he really still wants to be with me. And then I get frustrated when he responds to my questions as being irrational (which they are) which lets my OCD further prove that he isn't happy with me. I also relate to the feeling of constantly feeling upset even if your partner hasn't done anything "wrong". That's not the say that OCD will taint all of your relationships and sometimes if something is genuinely wrong, it's good to recognize it. It's just hard because it's such a demanding disorder that in the moment you can't tell the difference between the truth and the irrational spiral. Thank you for sharing what you're going through 🤍

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

@Livi Jean You already realize that OCD is the one making you request constant reassurance from your partner and how irrational it makes you sound, that’s big. Now comes the hard part of actually letting OCD throw a temper tantrum without giving it any attention and asking your boyfriend for reassurance. Have you tried setting time frames ? For instance you’d say in a couple hours or even days (if possible) if I still feel like this then I’ll ask him. In the meantime just try not to give into it, and to help you when it gets super uncomfortable- remind yourself that are certain things in life that’s impossible to be 100% certain about and that even somethings we are 100% certain about can still change, such is life. Good luck 🍀

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

Also as for as relationships go, you are not perfect nor is your partner. You will make mistakes and so will he. Relationships are already complicated without OCD, it’s hard to tell our feelings apart sometimes. It’s also possible to outgrow someone, to love someone and then not love them anymore. Go through periods where the relationship doesn’t feel the same anymore maybe that spark is missing. So many scenarios, so many different possibilities and guess what THRIVES on this type of uncertainty? OCD … it will take any life event and turn into a project, a huge deal and will find a way to paint you negatively in your own mind regardless of the scenario. So unfortunately, people like us that have OCD have to be aware of its effects so we can be able to separate what’s a normal life event and when OCD is trying to latching on. Sorry for the long comment, I try to make these short but I want to offer enough information that might be helpful. Good luck 🍀

Mariabae

Date posted: 11w

@Amilton thank you so much, its very harc for me, i have a tight chest 24/7, i hurt my partner by the way i act, i haven’t shown him that i love him in so long, i used to be different… i went to therapy 2 times but she made it worse , she tried to make me realise that i dont love him and said lots of things that hunt my mind every day.

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

@Mariabae I’m sorry, that sounds awful. I’ve read about regular talk therapy just making OCD worse. How about ERP ? Have you tried it ?

Mariabae

Date posted: 11w

@Amilton i heard and read about it a lot but im confused i dont know what to do to actually help.

Amilton

Date posted: 11w

@Mariabae Im sorry, you sound so overwhelmed. I really wish I had a silver bullet for this. I recommend you try a licensed OCD therapist like the ones available here if that’s possible. I think they can help you sort through what are normal life experiences and when is OCD latching onto them. Being able to make that distinction is key. Good luck 🍀

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

Mariabae

Date posted: 12w

panic. scared. it feels real

Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

rocd worser then ever

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community