What is even the point.

This isn’t a fast or easy healing journey and though it’s really damn hard, you have to be open to feel like crap. Healing isn’t linear and it’s going to suck, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. It took me 6 years to recover; you are still just starting out and that’s okay!

For me, I keep reminding myself that every time I thought it was ‘over’ I still woke up the next and carried on- even it was painful. As long as you keep going (even if it feels like you’re hanging on by a thread) you have the chance to get better, but if you chose to pull the plug, you’ll never have the chance. Recovery isn’t always linear, it will come and go in waves, but every time you overcome one bad moment you teach your brain that it is possible to overcome the next one.

If there's one thing I know about OCD, it's that hunger fuels your anxiety TENFOLD. Please, at the very least, eat some bread, order a pizza, or get up and make a meal. It might not heal everything but at least you'll be doing something. Trust me

Try to just be easy on yourself and accept that while this anxiety is here, it's not your fault. Try to just think of the good that came from today, no matter how small. Even if it feels like it doesn't count, it should. What matters is that you're always trying :). You've been trying your best every single day, and it still may seem like things aren't going your way. That doesn't mean it's your fault. Sometimes we just have bad days but we also have good days. I'm really sorry to hear that medications haven't been working, but I know that there is one that will work. I know that eventually you'll get prescribed a medication that will benefit you. You've mentioned to Nica that you have recovered from one theme, so it is possible! It's okay to want breaks from this. It's perfectly fine. I think you're strong enough to get through this in the end :)

Try to give your self a little grace. It’s not a sprint to the finish line. We are running a marathon. Also try not to underestimate your victory’s. Sure OCD did you a dirty and tossed a new theme on. That sucks , it really does. But you said you recovered from a theme before moving to that one. Celebrate that win ! Even if it seems like a small victory now, they all add up. Also might be worth trying something besides ERP. I think some folks have had success with I-CBT https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inference-based_therapy. Might be worth looking into. Anyways good luck and happy new year !