- Date posted
- 15w ago
Narcissistic mom
Hi How to deal with a fucked up narcissistic mom that caused me to have ocd ?????? I have so much anger towards her and idk how to let it out.
Hi How to deal with a fucked up narcissistic mom that caused me to have ocd ?????? I have so much anger towards her and idk how to let it out.
First, what happened? Why you mad at her? Maybe she is not narcissistic, maybe you just see it this way. I am not saying you are wrong or right, but try to cool down before jumping to conclusions.
@hanysm@gmail.com I've been mistreated my whole life bro, my mom HATES ME she even admitted it several times, one time she said that my little sisters shoes are more valuable than me infront of my siblings ššš she thrives off provoking me what are u talking about bro, today i told her that i got an A and all she said was "okay!" istg ive never done something horrible even tho sometimes she gaslights me into thinking that i'm a bad person and I deserved all of that, but ik myself.
@noneed1 First congratulations on the A. That's an achievement and you should be proud of yourself. š Second, reflect on your relationship with your mother by considering specific behaviors and patterns that make you feel mistreated. Are there recurring themes? It can also be helpful to talk to a trusted adult or counselor about your experiences to gain an outside perspective. When it comes to communication, using "I" statements can be effective. This allows you to express your feelings without blaming, such as saying, "I feel hurt when..." This approach can reduce defensiveness. Choosing the right time to discuss sensitive topics is essential; try to have these conversations when both of you are calm and not in the heat of an argument. Listening actively is also crucialāshow that you are willing to understand her perspective, which can encourage more open communication. In terms of conflict resolution, focus on solutions rather than dwelling on past issues. Work together to find practical ways to move forward. Itās also important to accept that some disagreements may not be resolved, and thatās okay. Respecting each other's differences can help maintain peace. Lastly, prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge, such as hobbies or spending time with friends. Building a support network is vital; connect with friends, family members, or counselors who can offer guidance and emotional support. By approaching the situation thoughtfully and seeking constructive ways to communicate, you can improve your relationship with your mother while also taking care of your own emotional needs.
@hanysm@gmail.com Beautifully said, Thank u SO MUCH, i really appreciate the time and effort you put into this, i can see that helping me in the future, thank u againā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
Talk to a therapist or someone you trust.
Why do you have to deal with her? You have ocd. Thatās not going to change. Maybe she caused it maybe not. But itās not going anywhere. You can recover though. As far as your mom, if sheās truly a narcissist then your anger does not matter to her. Your feelings do not matter to her. So again why do you need to deal with her? Set boundaries, limit the access she has to you and work on your self. As far as the anger , itās only hurting you . Again she wonāt care. You accept it , process it and move on. It sucks I get it. My wife has a narcissistic father. Hits all the requirements in the DSM or what ever for the diagnosis, just missing a professional diagnosis š. Once my wife realized he was not going to change and her hurt and anger only affected herā¦ she set boundaries and only allows the access she chooses to allow to her father. Seems to be working for her. Good luck !
@Iām Batman She is, I'm trying, thank youšš»
@noneed1 Look up Tim fletcher on YouTube. He has a lot of good videos on recovering from narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. At least itās a place to start. Finding a therapist you click with helps as well. Good luck !
I also think my mother caused my sister and me to suffer from mental health issues. We did ask her to go to family therapy with us, once in our early 20, then again in our late 30s, she refused. Apparently, she had been an awesome mother and we are just ungrateful brats. Needless to say, both my sister and me have cut contact with her and the first Christmas I didn't force myself to visit her, had been the best Christmas in my life, even though I spent it alone.
I am so angry with ocd. I hate that ocd even exists. I wouldnāt necessarily say I wanted to be a mom when I was younger. I grew up without my mom around. But now my sisters are both moms and I see them and I feel like Iām missing out. But having pocd and hocd has definitely made me feel like itās completely out of the question. I even made sure my fiancĆ© knew that I didnāt want children/ feel like I canāt have them for fear of hurting them or passing on mental health issues. I was abused growing up and one of my old therapists told me that āpeople who are abused can become abusersā. That is something that I am not willing to risk. And even though I feel set on that choice, my brain still tells me that Iām missing out. So Iām constantly questioning if I truly feel like I donāt want them or if ocd is convincing me I donāt. Ugh. Itās just so frustrating.
Every day my ocd makes sure thereās a new reason for me to stay trapped in my mind rather than being the mom I want to be that my kids need. Instead iām stuck in my head depressed and pushing them away. The other day I was braiding my daughterās hair like I always do and her hair is really long so when I get to the end of the braid I can see her butt in my peripheral vision and I looked down and I immediately got upset asking myself why did I look down?(the ocd has made me question everything I do now). I know itās just because I was at the end of the braid and I just looked because I was already looking in that direction. A normal person wouldnāt even think twice about it. There was no inappropriate reason behind it at all but of course my ocd latched onto the situation and said I looked down because I wanted to look at her butt. I was so upset and said to myself āI donāt understand how the ocd started an intrusive thought because she was wearing baggy pants. I could understand if she had on tight pants and her butt was more noticeableā and the only reason I said that is because usually the only time my ocd starts intrusive thoughts telling me iām looking at my daughter in a wrong way is when she has on leggings or a crop top or bathing suit ect. Now my ocd twisted what I said to mean that I like looking at her in tight pants. Nooo! Thatās not what I meant but now the ocd wonāt stop trying to make me believe that. I donāt ever look at my children in any inappropriate way. I hate this. I hate ocd and I canāt live like this anymore.
Iām feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. Iām 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(weāre just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldnāt be able to return back at night, also itās either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldnāt let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like Iām stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know itās hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesnāt stop me from feeling like Iām a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So thatās it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress sheās carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk itās hard (also I feel like I shouldnāt be saying this cause itās all my fault) š«¤
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