Narcissistic mom

I had a fight with my mother today it was about my ocd. We began to fight because I was mad at her because she didn‘t want to drive me to a psychologist then (I don’t know exactly how we came to what) she came up with „I always make things up“. I told her to read something about OCD to understand it. And after she read the first Wikipedia article she dared to say it‘s nothing „horrible“ and that she „also has it“. It hurt me so much because I stuggle so much with it right now. Can someone help me how can I explain it to her because I want her to understand it.

I have not once felt loved by my mom. Growing up she was always emotionally distant and would get mad at me so easily (and still does). She has threatened multiple times when I was younger that she would hit me (and has once even though she apologized) She yells at me for the dumbest things. I’m 25 and still live at home because I am a full time college student and I can’t afford to move out with the job I have. She’s not my biological mother because she adopted me when I was born and took me away from my biological parents who I was told would be a bad situation to put me in and took me out of it. She is technically my aunt, my biological father’s sister. My father apparently didn’t get along with her growing up and treated her badly. I never even met him after I was really little and he had visitation rights. He passed away in 2013 so I never really got to be around him or know him or vice versa. She talks bad about him and you can tell she hated my biological father but I feel like she carries that hate onto me also even though I have never done anything to her. She’s even told me I’m like him when I have no idea how that’s possible if we didn’t have a relationship. She gets mad when I’m sick and if I even open up about how I feel about something she shuts me down and tells me that it’s my fault. She’s called me so many names that have torn me apart to the point I absolutely hate myself and didn’t even want to be around anymore. She scares me sometimes when she gets angry and I just don’t know what I ever done to make her hate me. Recently I ended up having Covid (for the second time) and she didn’t even care. She told me I was fine and that it was all in my head. I rarely can stick up for myself but when I told her she never believes me when I’m sick and needed to be more compassionate she said “f u” and ever since things have been worse. Growing up whenever I would achieve something she didn’t care. I was in orchestra growing up and during my concerts she would always be on her phone not paying attention and then afterwards didn’t say a thing when my grandma and dad would make comments. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this and I don’t know if any of it is considered wrong on her part or if I’m the problem. Before my dad (her husband and only father figure I’ve ever had) passed away, he made me promise to forgive her but I don’t think I can. I will always remember how hurt she’s made me feel. I have always felt hated by my mom. Now I feel like I hate her and I feel so much guilt for that. I wish I could get away but unfortunately I can’t. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone. She posts on social media about peoples behavior but yet she acts that way in private and that’s what has triggered all of this because how can you post on social media about people acting that way or saying that what you say to people matters but yet you do that too. I’m sorry to vent like this but I have no one to go to. This is my only safe place 💔

I can't tell if this is OCD to be honest, but with how much I'm focusing on it, it has to be some form or another. My mom and I have never had the best relationship. Ever since I was 6 years old, my OCD has always made me feel like I need to confess my own guilts to her. Our relationship has gotten infinitely better ever since I started therapy a few years ago. Her and I have been able to talk about a lot of things in the past and she's apologized for a lot of things. Recently I've been remembering more real events that make me want to cry. I don't want to keep bringing up things to her that she's done wrong. Especially this current memory, as it was years ago and I know she didn't mean any ill-intent. I don't want to hurt her by bringing this up, because I don't want her to think I'm blaming her or make her feel like a bad mom. I can't tell if this is something I need to talk about with her to get closure, or if this is my OCD disguising itself so I can "confess" to get relief. I'm so tired, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not even sure if I'm remembering things right anymore. Sorry if this isn't OCD or I sound crazy.