BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

POCD spike regarding a controversy

So apparently there were allegations against a very popular streamer that claimed he messaged a minor in DMs. This turned out to be true and he wasn't put on criminal charges. I still think it's very odd that a middle aged man would be privately messaging a teenager either way. This reminded me of a time where I was 19 and spoke with someone to help them with their OCD but they were underaged. I don't even remember why I said yes to talk with them, how we met, or why this happened in the first place, but it's bothering me extremely now. I know for a fact nothing inappropriate was said at all and I've even made it clear several times that POCD made me not want to really talk with this person. Again, I don't know how we eventually started talking, but we did. We don't anymore and it's been years. I do hope this person is doing okay and has improved with their OCD, but this still bothers me. I just don't know why we ended up speaking. Is this a legit worry or is anxiety just getting the best of me again?

trueblue

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

we have really similar experiences and fixations. i struggle with learning about public figure controversies and apply it to my own situations. your OCD is trying to make you feel like you’re an awful person or somehow relate you to that controversial figure. if it’s the streamer i think you’re talking about he clearly doesn’t care about his actions and it’s in no way similar to your situation. i’m almost 20 so now i feel strange talking to any minor at all my POCD tells me i can’t even talk to anyone under 18. i wish i could take my own advice tbh

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

It might be the streamer you're thinking of. Dr. Disrespect. He's done some pretty bad things but I *think* (I don't know the conclusion of this situation) his wife forgave him for cheating on him. But this is even worse for him. He's in his 40s and spoke to someone's kid for years. I just get worried that something or someone will spin this into thinking I'm a terrible person that has ulterior motives or maybe thought I didn't want to really help this person. I don't know. I'm started to get discomfort from thinking about it all

trueblue

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 yeah that’s the guy. i can tell by your posts that you’re really worried about this event. real event ocd is something that is super tricky to deal with id deeply recommend telling your therapist if you have one or find ocd therapist on youtube talk specifically about real event ocd the guy whose channel name is “OCD and Anxiety” has always been helpful for me. you’re going to get through this.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@trueblue I've been going through real event OCD for so many years. Since 2020. Would telling my therapist be confessing? Or is it different? Do you think what I did here was bad. I was never worried about this before. I didn't even remember it. Not until what happened with him came up. I was disappointed in him at first, and then I just spontaneously remembered this event and it felt like OCD was like "I've got you! Now you have to worry about this for a while."

trueblue

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 i think you already gave into the compulsion when you confessed to the community. but i do think it would help to tell someone who can help you better than i can. after all, we are in the same boat. i don’t think i should tell you if what you did was bad or not because it might be reassurance and set you back further. but what i will say is that i don’t think one single event should define a person at least to someone who wants to know you deeply, not just a random person on the internet. there’s honor in reflecting on past actions and moving past it.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@trueblue I was told that all I can do is just tell myself that I'll worry about this later on and not try and figure it out at all.. it's all I can do even it is feels I'm getting away with something terrible. I hate remembering the exact words of some things I said because they were sensitive topics. They were heavy. But I just wanted to help this person, as uncomfortable as I was. I just wish I stuck with my damn boundaries

Nica

Date posted: 1y

If there was nothing sexual about it, then you can’t change the past but don’t do it again. I don’t do DMs nor share any of my (few) personals due to the nature of the internet. I don’t trust people because strangers are strangers, after all.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

He struggled with POCD and all I wanted to do was help him but I don't know why I would do something like this at the time. I would never want to do this again and I feel so awful about this. I just feel disgusting and I feel like OCD won this time. It feels like this is it and I'm genuinely a creepy and that I've messed up. I don't know why the fuck I would do this and I'm really mad at myself for this.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

I'm okay with doing this as long as they're my age and over 20. I just don't know why this happened.

Nica

Date posted: 1y

@BigGyro09 Beating yourself up won’t change that it happened. All you can do now is move forward and not do it again. And I know you won’t based on your experiences, so it’s all good.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@Nica And that's what I have been doing. All I can do is just trust myself that I knew better at the time, knew there were lines I wouldn't dare cross and I even told the person I was uncomfortable with certain things. I'm just worried the people I'm closest to will look at me differently in a negative way if they ever knew.

FoxMan

Date posted: 23w

Worried about something…again

Hey, so I wanted to ask about something that is trying to bother me right now. I just thought to come on here before letting my mind ruminate over and over and over. So a year ago when I was 22, I did not have many people to talk to aside from my roommates who were either not home during the summer or just to themselves so I decided to try out Omegle. I talked to a few different people on there, but there’s two people in particular that kind of made me worried. There is this one girl I was talking to from Canada and she told me the story about her and her friends smoking weed, and I told her about how my female roommate used to sleep in my bed. But the way I told her that was by asking for her Instagram so I could DM her that rather than say it out loud because my roommate was in the next room. At some point during our conversation, she told me that she was 16, and I’m not even sure how we came about that but she told me. Before I continue, we were not flirting at all. We were just sharing stories, that was it. My intention was to not flirt at all with anyone because of age and the fact that they probably nowhere near me. Also, I just kind of thought it would be weird too. But now I can’t remember if she told me her age before I told her about my roommate or after I told her about my roommate, but I feel like it was before because I kind of felt like I should’ve unfollowed her after. And what made it worse is that somehow my roommate saw her Instagram handle and followed her as well. Another instance was when this girl was being very goofy and playing the character and I was joking back and I ended up being invited into their Instagram group chat, where I found out they were also 16 so without saying anything, I left the group chat. So my worries if this was inappropriate or was it just a conversation that I probably should’ve cut short. I’m not sure but it’s starting to worry me. And just for context, I have no idea that girl or anybody else since that day and it NEVER went sexual at all. So yeah, that’s the story

Givenup

Date posted: 17w

Pocd and dr disrespect

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped messaging her... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

Pocd and gut feelimg

Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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POCD spike regarding a controversy

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