pocd help

@BigGyro09 a two year age gap in my opinion is not bad at all. I honestly think 3-4 years is pushing it at teenage age because of different levels of maturity. you did the right thing

@co140 Everybody says that.. I guess it's just OCD then but I have so much trouble seeing though that. For you, you said you were 16 when you did this, so I'm guessing the person you were with was 14. That's not a bad thing to me. That would just mean the person you were with is a grade below you. For being 18 and 16, as long as sexual acts are out of the equation, I don't think it's a huge deal. Especially if you just turned 18, you're not only still fairly young but you're a teenager. But unfortunately, reassurance won't help.. I know how much we think it does but what does help is sitting with these thoughts until they no longer bother us because of OCD.

@co140 I also agree with what you said too. You mentioned in your post that you dated people two years younger than you but you're also saying a two year age gap is fine, which is understandable! So I think you do acknowledge that a 2 year age gap is no big deal but POCD is perhaps blowing this way out of proportion

@BigGyro09 yes i agree. i had sexual relations with someone when i was 16 and they were 18 but both of our parents knew but i guess like legally it can be an issue in certain states. i know in my state it has Romeo and Juliet law which allows up to 4 year difference (gross lol) but id say that 2 years is most definitely okay but there will always be people who have their own opinions, some people think a one year age gap is gross. do what makes you happy, as long as its morally right, not illegal, and not hurting anyone lol. but yes my age gap at 16 was 16 and 14 but they were two grades below, we were in the same friend group though, and in same school. i honestly just tell myself if its too much stress on me (the 2 year age gap) i either be okay with it or not do it anymore. we are okay, reassurance aside 2 years gap being considered something bad is very much a REACH lmao and it’s funny how i can confidently say this now but when ocd takes over i think otherwise

@co140 It sounds like you truly do believe that a 2 year age gap is not bothersome but anything more than that is. Yes, there are also laws where the age of consent is not 18 but 16 and they have the Romeo and Juliet thing. I would imagine these types of laws are intended to fall under what happens between two teenagers and not a middle aged person and a teenager because that would be extremely fucked up imo. It does sound like OCD is making this more than it is and you yourself realize that, which is good! Now you just have to not engage with the anxiety that it's bringing to your attention. Did this also happen when you were 18?

@BigGyro09 well i did talk to someone that was 16 when i was 18 but they were less than two years younger, but we never met in person

@co140 If you never met in person and you didn't intend to be with them in a sexual relationship, I don't think this is bad at all. All you did was talk to them.

@BigGyro09 At the end of the day, you were still a teenager just like they were. When you turn 18, being attracted to other teenagers is still common and normal and you aren't just automatically off limits to them.

@BigGyro09 we were seriously talking, i guess not a relationship but the stage before that, i am still 18 now so this happened recently. i get scared still having attraction to teenagers, even other 18 year olds.

@co140 You shouldn't feel guilty for being attracted to other 18 year olds at all! It's perfectly fine to want to date other 18 year olds because they're your age! It's even fine to find younger teenagers attractive because they are still in your age group and you won't act on every single one. I don't think you've done anything wrong. To be safe, an 18 year old can date a 16 year old but I do believe context matters on how it came to be.

@BigGyro09 we basically met online he liked my post and i liked his and he told me he was a year younger but then he ended up telling me he lied and he was almost two years younger but not two exact a little less and i was fine with it, but obviously ocd latched onto that lol. if a two year age gap is honestly weird i just wish there was like a professional to tell me that so i can exactly know. im just stuck in a state of uncertainty.

@co140 It doesn't sound like you are personally bothered by the given you are in a state that provides laws for these scenarios. Other places don't have these laws and other places have different ages of consent. Different rules will deliver different opinions. It genuinely sounds like OCD is getting in the way of this. You've even admitted to this several times. That's a good start!

@BigGyro09 i am kinda bothered by it, it makes me wonder if im a creep or a weirdo, or deserve to be in jail :/ no matter how much reassurance i get. i feel like everyone around me is lying and just trying to sugarcoat.

@co140 This is your OCD at work.. if you keep asking for reassurance and gaining it, it only makes the thought stronger. As maya! said, you just have to tolerate these thoughts until they no longer bother you. I know, it sucks a lot. It's a pain. As much as we wish reassurance helps, it doesn't. Try to tell yourself that you'll worry about this later on when it comes up or tell the thought "whatever, moving on" when it tries to bug you.

@BigGyro09 yes ur right, its hard to be at peace but i will keep trying

@co140 Hang in there. It seems like you do have the answer to what it is that bothers you but OCD is a blabbermouth. It won't listen to reasoning whatsoever and that leaves us with being anxious. Just keep trying the correct approach, and it will change.