- Date posted
- 1y ago
Please relate. The “i want to die” thought?
I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?
I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?
I have suicidal ocd and I definitely relate. *I* don't want to die, I love living, but the bugs in my brain keep telling me that I want to die and it gets really hard to deal with. For me, it gets triggered when I'm being understimulated, as it makes me think about the "forever nothing" that is to come. It scares me so bad that my mind tells me that I should just kill myself so I don't have to be scared anymore, which is obviously not proactive or what I want. It's really scary and, at times, debilitating, but just know that these thoughts aren't *your* thoughts! They're just random thoughts that pop through, nothing more. It's hard, but it gets better, and we'll make it through 💪☺️!
I feel like that sometimes too. I don’t want to die but I get thoughts of it.
I think this in a loop all the time but usually in response to my rocd and shame becoming intense
I think I had these intrusive thoughts regularly for about 30 years, starting when I was 12. It was occasional for most of that, but got worse when my marriage went south. There was probably about ten years when it was near daily. I was always fortunate, though, in that for the most part I seemed to understand they were intrusive even long before I knew what intrusive thoughts were. I got through it by treating them like they were completely separate from my mind. "Oh, you're still there? Shut up, will you?" " Oh yeah, that's a thing that happens." They still come, rarely, now, and now it's more like I bumped into an old acquaintance is rather not see. It's not you, I promise. But even if they never totally go away, they don't have to get to you; it just takes some work learning to ignore them
I'm reaching out in hopes of finding others who might relate to my experiences or offer insights. I'm dealing with a complex interplay of OCD, depression, and existential anxiety, and I'm struggling to make sense of it all. Here's what I'm experiencing: I have OCD with various manifestations, along with episodes of depression. I find myself in a cyclical pattern where, after a few weeks, I start to remind myself about my depressive tendencies. This reminder seems to trigger a cycle that actually makes me feel more depressed or at least more aware of depressive symptoms. When this happens, I often experience feelings of nihilism and existential dread. I try to think about my family - my two young boys and my wife - to find motivation or a sense of purpose, but this strategy often backfires, making me feel even more anxious and depressed. I constantly check my feelings, wondering if they're depressive or anxious. At the same time, I fear that my feelings of anxiety and panic might spiral out of control. I think about my emotions and thoughts on a meta-level, which means I'm not just experiencing feelings, but I'm also constantly analyzing the fact that I'm experiencing them. There's an existential component to my struggles, a fear of depression and anxiety itself, and a sense that this might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps most frustratingly, I often have feelings, thoughts, or sensory experiences that I can't explain or put into words. I feel like I've never heard of these before, which leaves me feeling deeply misunderstood. Does anyone else experience something similar? How do you cope with this complex web of symptoms and experiences? I'm particularly interested in hearing from those who've found ways to break the cycle of meta-cognition and self-fulfilling anxiety. Any insights, shared experiences, or strategies would be deeply appreciated. Thank you for your time and understanding.
My head feels weird all the time, it feels like I have a tight headband around it squeezing , like heaviness and a really weird feeling, literally feels something is wrong inside, I also feel spaced out and this feeling of going literally crazy at certain moments of the day and the anxiety spikes. The thoughts are always there 24/7 even in the back of my mind, nothign I do makes these feelings and thoughts go away which is extremely scary. I can’t go on like this, wish I woke up tomorrow and OCD didn’t exist anymore. Do you guys also feel like this? 😫
So I've had OCD since I was a child. Like really young. The first intrusive thought I can remember was when I was 5. It just keeps getting worse and lately they've been making me physically ill or throwing me into extreme panic attacks again ( ones where I can't move my body ) the other night I thought God was trying to kill me because I was thinking about ending myself from OCD+ life issues but in reality I was just having a panic attack😭😭it affects me daily. It gets a little better with therapy but I don't see therapy coming into my life any time soon and I'm not even sure if I would want to go (for multiple reasons). To wrap this up if you have severe ocd can you tell me what it's like?? I don't want to label anything without proper research and hearing others perspectives. Thank you!! <3 (My profile says all of my subtypes if that helps any)
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond