- Date posted
- 1y ago
Please relate. The “i want to die” thought?
I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?
I have the “i want to die thougt” everyday!!! Is this normal with suicidal ocd?? Anyone relate?
I have suicidal ocd and I definitely relate. *I* don't want to die, I love living, but the bugs in my brain keep telling me that I want to die and it gets really hard to deal with. For me, it gets triggered when I'm being understimulated, as it makes me think about the "forever nothing" that is to come. It scares me so bad that my mind tells me that I should just kill myself so I don't have to be scared anymore, which is obviously not proactive or what I want. It's really scary and, at times, debilitating, but just know that these thoughts aren't *your* thoughts! They're just random thoughts that pop through, nothing more. It's hard, but it gets better, and we'll make it through 💪☺️!
I feel like that sometimes too. I don’t want to die but I get thoughts of it.
I think this in a loop all the time but usually in response to my rocd and shame becoming intense
I think I had these intrusive thoughts regularly for about 30 years, starting when I was 12. It was occasional for most of that, but got worse when my marriage went south. There was probably about ten years when it was near daily. I was always fortunate, though, in that for the most part I seemed to understand they were intrusive even long before I knew what intrusive thoughts were. I got through it by treating them like they were completely separate from my mind. "Oh, you're still there? Shut up, will you?" " Oh yeah, that's a thing that happens." They still come, rarely, now, and now it's more like I bumped into an old acquaintance is rather not see. It's not you, I promise. But even if they never totally go away, they don't have to get to you; it just takes some work learning to ignore them
My head feels weird all the time, it feels like I have a tight headband around it squeezing , like heaviness and a really weird feeling, literally feels something is wrong inside, I also feel spaced out and this feeling of going literally crazy at certain moments of the day and the anxiety spikes. The thoughts are always there 24/7 even in the back of my mind, nothign I do makes these feelings and thoughts go away which is extremely scary. I can’t go on like this, wish I woke up tomorrow and OCD didn’t exist anymore. Do you guys also feel like this? 😫
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.
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