Partner with OCD

My partner, has been struggling with ocd for about 2 years. How do i help them and know what to say back to them? they are currently seeing a ocd therapist but they still find it hard not to tell me. i was told to not acknowledge them but it’s hard when it’s constant every day. they struggle with ROCD, intrusive thoughts, contamination, and number ocd. i want to help them but it’s hard as someone who dosent have these. Like for example they won’t wear clothes that have touched the door frame, door, wall etc or will tell me their intrusive thoughts and if i ignore they get upset and i just feel bad. i dont want to be a bad partner for not understanding but i am trying and i know it’s hard for them and everyone who struggles with any type of ocd.

Username: SadUnicorn3 🦄SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 1y ago

Look, I am a person with ocd who has put so much on my partner with my confessions over the past 2 years almost… we have broken up a few times over it, because he cannot handle the constant, hour+ long conversations of reassuring me he understands and listening to me list off intrusive thoughts, reading paragraphs after paragraph of essay like notes I’ve written confessing things that I did not have to (I know I don’t deep down but ocd makes you feel almost panic in your whole body when resisting the compulsion) I’ve had literal mental breakdowns when my partner won’t let me confess to the point I was almost ripping my hair out, screaming like I was being stabbed and punching myself in the face with my hand, phone or head butting a wall.. all while our baby was inside probably wondering what was wrong with mummy. Breaks my friggen heart, and I still sometimes feel a need to do it, that breakdown was only a few weeks ago- month and a bit ago! All I can say is that I know for a fact that as much as I’ve felt a temporary relief from confessing, there is always another thing that comes up that feels “oh so real” aswell, there’s always going to be another thing that ocd will drag you down the rabbit hole with, so I’ve learnt no amount of confessing will ever cure ocd, or it would have for the millionth time already… it’s actually keeping us in the loop. I would ask a therapist, or even her therapist, an appropriate response when she is needing reassurance or wanting to confess, because I know it’s hard but even have her there with you when you ask, maybe go to a therapist appointment with her so you can both understand healthy boundaries and a way to cope with what’s going on… because this is coming from someone who is SO GUILTY of putting all this on my bf, I can never take back some things I’ve said, as much as he trusts me and knows I have a mental illness, I just can’t take it back and that puts tears in my eyes. Because ocd is a liar, it wants to draw you in a make you believe the lies it feeds your head!

Username: Vee <3Vee <3

Date posted: 1y ago

@SadUnicorn3 This honestly perfectly describes what I’m going through. I’m a lesbian and haven’t even been able to spend time w my girlfriend because ocd is keeping me in this “you’re straight and you know it” loop. And I’m so tired. I’ve broken down multiple times. I’ve spent so many nights crying to sleep and not being able to wake up without crying as well. It’s debilitating.

Username: number7number7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@SadUnicorn3 Yesss. After every single reassurance I get there’s always something new that pops up that feels real!! I’m so sick of this.

Username: SadUnicorn3 🦄SadUnicorn3 🦄

Date posted: 1y ago

@Vee ^ I understand. I am a straight girl who is in a committed relationship with a man, but because of me experimenting when I was a teenager and claiming to be bisexual when I was younger, ocd uses that against me and tries to tell me I must actually be bi… so kind of different to your situation but the same. My mum always tells me she never thought (even when I thought that way when I was younger) I was, and growing up and maturing I realise that was me being curious and confused and hurt by men. Now being in the relationship I’m in really confirmed to me that I’m straight and have no sexual or romantic interest in anyone other than my man. Ocd can be SO painful, and demands you to have answers for things that are lies in your head! It’s awful. I wish you the best in your recovery, please know, you’re not alone, I know it’s scary but I go through the same things but slightly different.

Username: KL428KL428

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m very new to all of this but would it be helpful don’t know if it’s detrimental because I have only just started my journey for them to write the intrusive thought down and you have like a jar and rather than reassure the thought when you notice there is thoughts in there you could maybe comment on the day rather than the thought. Something like today looks like a hard day for you and then comfort them for the hard day rather than the thought. I don’t know maybe run it past the therapist

Username: Puddingpigeon

Date posted: 23w ago

Opinions/jokes ROCD??

I have been with my partner for about a year and 4 months. My ocd symptoms started in February. Recently, my ocd is making me seem annoyed by everything my partner does… I have a bad problem with forming my opinion off of other random people instead of making my own, possibly fear of perception/upsetting people with an opinion so I have to follow like a sheep. This frustrates my partner. My ocd might latch onto a random dark humour joke he made or an opinion for example about social issues that is different to me where we have to agree to disagree and I end up going searching on mainly TikTok. If I see a comment where some people are against what my bf said I have to go and tell him and it’s almost every day my ocd manages to nitpick something. A lot of the time it’s me setting it off by asking his opinion or something where I can feel my ocd being like “let’s scan for things in this conversation to latch on to 😈” and starting a convo where something could trigger my ocd. He might be playing a video game and says things, for example if he’s shot in the game and gets a little bit annoyed. My ocd will instantly latch onto something. I try to hold it back but I ocd tells me I NEED to tell him off for it. If I bring something up while communicating and my boyfriend asks why I think something is bad, it usually always starts with “well I saw a tiktok/instagram comment-…” and my boyfriend stops me to tell me I’m going off a small group of people’s opinion and I need to be able To form my own opinion and it’s okay for me To have my own opinion. A lot of the time I can’t form an opinion because I’m scared what people think so I resort to looking at random peoples comments on posts. 😞 My ocd convinces me he’s a bad person because he has dark humour. Is all the need to confess my thoughts and tell him off ocd? Is the best thing to do sit with the uncomfortableness? Does anyone relate

Username: giuseppe

Date posted: 22w ago

i need advice on how to overcome rocd

hi there! so after i got together with my partner, i found out i have rocd :) it's excruciating and new to me, so i really have no idea how to fight it back. i constantly have thought regarding my feelings towards him bc what if i dont love him? what if I've been pretending all this time? what if i'm confusing love for something else? i also have a really hard time processing positive and happy feelings bc i usually get this punch in my gut, as if I'm not supposed to feel that good feeling (idk if you can relate). well that too makes me believe i dont love my partner and it's really really tiring because I can't stop doubting my feelings. yk how ocd is the doubt illness so I'm used to it, but i am so so so sure that i love him, I've never been so sure about something in my life and i literally doubt everything. but what if I'm just avoiding the truth, what if I won't admit to not love him bc i dont wanna hurt him? who knows anyways it's really exhausting and i could really do some advice. thank you in advace :)

Username: monthofmaiya

Date posted: 20w ago

Rocd even while in a healthy relationship

Hey y’all this is my first post. I’ve known I’ve had ocd for around 6 years now, but haven’t had much specialized help (just a standard therapist, who is great, she suggested this app) I’m mainly just posting to vent and for people to hopefully make me feel a little less alone in my current situation. I’ve developed coping skills for many of my ocd obsessions in the past, but haven’t really made a dent in what I’m realizing is pretty bad ROCD. I was in an abusive relationship for about 4 years, and it was this weird thing where like I would not only be unhappy from the abuse but also have intense ROCD. Which is relevant, because I’m now in a super happy and healthy relationship, but am unfortunately still experiencing ROCD. And of COURSE that makes my brain feel either like love is just never going to work out for me, or that this new relationship is wrong for me, which I know isn’t the case. But it’s just so exhausting feeling like I have this horrible brain fog around my partner half the time. I never felt like this when my partner and I were just best friends for 6 months, and all that’s changed is that she is even sweeter and more attentive to me. This just all sucks so bad, and I think I should talk to a specialist about it.

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