I think all my ocd fears are happening

I know this is probably massively assurance seeking and I’m sorry I just don’t know how to handle this

I don’t know the full story here so I won’t recommend one thing or another. But perhaps some truth for you to hear—it’s okay for you to have a crush on her. It’s also okay to reflect on your past experience and realize that you made mistakes. I understand how scary this feels right now and how you don’t want to ruin your friendships. But that should not result in you repressing how you feel or feeling bad about how you feel. Just try to sit with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. Your emotional well-being is just as important as hers and your friends, and if they can’t respect that then it’s time to find new friends. Pretend for a moment that you do have a crush on her. Does that induce a lot of anxiety? Do you feel like that goes against who you are? Do you feel relieved at saying this? Do you feel happy when you are with her? Do you like the idea of being with her? Don’t get too into these questions because this sort of analysis can easily turn into compulsions, but they could be useful questions to ask yourself. ultimately it is about connecting with yourself and what your values are. I’m also curious if you know what prompted her to ask this? Does she have feelings for you? How has your relationship been since the conflict?