Anybody Experienced Sexual Shame

Hello folks, I'm new here. I can briefly answer "why am I here?" I'm a 33yo, undiagnosed, neurodivergent female. I have experienced health-related and contamination OCD during my teenage and adult years. I have had a lingering belief that I am powerless over my thoughts and emotions. As a result, my concerns have led me to NOCD. I'm rather lucky to find the community posts. So thank you in advance for reading and for your considerations! I am experiencing an on-going health concern. I recently had an intrusive thought about my past sexual health. It was 2 months after spending quality time with my extended family that my intrusive thought appeared. My extended family are curious about me, understand me less than my friends because we don't see each other much. Yet they are all so lovely and admirable. Recently, I have been SO so unnerved by an intrusive thought about my sexual life. I felt overwhelmed with shame and disgust one evening. The feeling of disgust struck me emotionally and then psychologically at the foot my bed. My mind raced, searched for answers, and drew up an image of a close family member. In that moment this imagined ordeal no longer felt like a psychological thriller. I had somehow grew more concerned that "what if?" a Nurse in the family snooped into my electronic health records. Seriously?! I am so private with my social life and not a patron of most social apps. So naturally I was shocked to be struck with this feeling and sensitivity. "What if?" this unprovoked thought led me to my gut instincts. The fact is I had sex and tested positive before, which is not a new concern for me, but this thought brought me to tears. As if someone summoned a witchcraft spell. Seriously, this thought held me captive for hours and I needed to go to sleep, but my undiagnosed anxiety persisted. Intuitively I linked my past medical care and how I felt ashamed after the diagnoses with a close family member. Although, it upset me that my efforts wouldn't prevent my STD's. I believe my health concern is only my priority and my medical providers. However, I am genuinely terrified that my own family will know about my sex life. You may wonder, "why would a Nurse or your family terrify you about this?" Well, if you guessed because they're old-fashioned... you're correct it! They believe sex before marriage is taboo. I had the awkward with my Mom before and my eldest brother, another Nurse, years before my own debut. I have come a long way with my sexual health and no longer need to worry. However, I cannot shake off this anxiety and stigma. I don't want to have that conversation with those Nurses in my family. Instead, I decided to opt-out of sharing my medical records with CareEverywhere, limited the accounts of disclosure of my eHR. And ultimately sworn to practice social distancing with them until I forget what happened. This has been strange, but it doesn't seem far-fetched even if the entire ordeal felt imaginary. Have you felt the same? How do you feel about "airing your dirty laundry"? Does anyone truly overcome sexual shame?