Recently got a new dog but I’ve had trauma about losing my past one. I’ve been told by many that I shouldn’t be scared to try again and I get that so much…but half of me feels guilty for having her and sometimes I feel like I’m just forcing myself to love her but then there’s times where i genuinely feel so much love for her. I don’t know my emotions are everywhere. Any advice?
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@Helplivenormally - Happy to share! One thing worth naming first: the back-and-forth you're describing — checking whether the love feels real right now, then finding guilt instead — is a pattern OCD loves to get involved in. Scanning your own feelings for proof that you love her is a compulsion, and because grief naturally flattens and scrambles emotion, the answer you get back is never reliable enough to settle anything. That's why the feeling swings rather than resolves. Letting the emotions be mixed without auditing them is usually what loosens it. "Dealing with Grief and OCD: Strategies for Coping and Healing" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/dealing-with-grief-when-you-have-ocd Covers how OCD can latch onto the grieving process and intensify it, which speaks directly to the loss you're still carrying from your past dog while trying to open up to a new one. "How to deal with guilt and shame from OCD" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-guilt-and-shame-from-ocd Written by Stacy Quick, LPC, on why guilt shows up so loudly in OCD even when you haven't done anything wrong — useful for the half of you that feels guilty for having her at all. Is there a particular piece of this that feels most relevant right now? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!
I’ve experienced something similar this year. Lost my dog very tragically in January after a short illness. I was devastated and had so much guilt about how his life played out. Fate intervened and I found my new dog online. I decided to see him and we ended up adopting him. Even the day we got him was filled with anxiety and sadness because we felt we moved on too soon (it had only been like a month or two). The next days I had horrible buyers remorse and wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it. Fast forward, I decided to own up to my responsibility because it’s not my new dog’s fault that I got him with unresolved grief. He is now the light of my life and I think about coming home to him every day. I had to realize that two things can exist at once. I can feel grief and guilt for my old dog, while also acknowledging that my new dog deserves as much of my love as possible. Some days it’s harder than others, but at the end of the day, all they want is to be with you and make us happy. My new dog comforts me and he seems to have a sense about what happened with my old dog. What helped me the most is just understanding that it will get better. And the longer your relationship with your new dog goes on, the closer and more real it will feel.
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