Incest ocd about my father

Basically about a month ago I had a intrusive thought, of what if you’re attracted to your dad while writing something heartfelt about my dad who I’ve always been close to, it was panic at first then it continued and was like pissing me off, and now i feel like it’s manifests to what if you’re in love with him and it’s become a false belief, I’m in psych care because of it and even when doing exposures and limiting as many compulsions i can it’s still present, plus it’s hijacked my internal monologue, giving me day dreams and hitting me with disturbing statements, urges I’d never normally say or have and it feels like my brain is saying the word yes everytime i breathe, like automatically, basically I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced this, and as someone with poor insight and autism, I’m scared it’s genuine and scared it’s like the equivalent to my crushes on characters or celebrities and I’m struggling to tell the difference

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

Hey Emmie, I feel for you and where you are at. I know how difficult it can be. I’ve had similar occurrences with cousins or aunts growing up. It’s like it’s a thought we can’t do anything to suppress and it pisses me off when it comes up too. Like here we go again and then it’s straight to avoidance of it or compulsion to make it go away. Maybe it’s just a thought that ocd has taken a hold on to.

Emmie_chicken2

Date posted: 13h

@Anonymous Yeah as prior I never had such thoughts and was always a daddy’s girl

emma122324

Date posted: 14h

I know, exactly were you are coming from and I am deeply sorry you are going through this right now. A couple of months ago I was thinking about my dad at work and I had a random groinal response and then I started to have intrusive thoughts like "what if I was attracted to my dad" or "what if I wanted to do innapropriate things with my dad" it gave me a, very disturbing, uncomfortable and scary feeling. So much so that the thought of going to my parents house filled me with so much anxiety. I would have worries like "why would I have, such disgusting thoughts like that? Or " what if these thoughts are true?" I was, able to still go see my parents instead of hiding away and after some time those worries and thoughts eventually passed until it turned into worrying about "what if I am a pedophile?" in regards to my sisters. Or "what if I harm the people I love?" I had so much anxiety about those intrusive thoughts and was trying to analyze what they meant about me and I just felt like an, awful terrible person. I love my sisters they mean everything to me and I know that I would never hurt them in any way. OCD likes to attack the things we love and tear down our true values. I'm trying to be gentle and kind to myself and understand that the human mind is so complex. Our thoughts do not define us as a person and should not be allowed to control us and stop us from enjoying and living our life. For the longest time I felt like iwas just living insjde my mind with so many spiraling thoughts, what if scenarios, questioning or analyzing every thought in my loud brain. No one should have to live like that. If you havent considered it, maybe medication could help you. I can say that it has helped me quite a bit. Of course medication alone won't fully help but it can be of some help along with Therapy. I'm rooting for you and will pray for you. 🩷

Anonymous

Date posted: 12h

I know what you mean, I can imagine how distraught it must have felt to have that thought come up out of nowhere. I was really close to my cousins and aunts growing up and now I look back at it and wish I had never been that way. It’s okay though, letting it define us is what keeps us tied to it.

Emmie_chicken2

Date posted: 10h

@Anonymous Yeah I’m doing as much ERP as i can and getting out of hospital soon

Anonymous

Date posted: 7h

That’s great, doing the erp is the best thing for it I believe. How is the hospital stay treating you? I hope it’s going okay.

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