Just started treatment and my worst fear happened

First post here - Day 5 of ERP tomorrow I’ve been dealing with OCD for years but never got proper treatment until now. It’s always shown up strongest in my relationships, and the timing couldn’t be more challenging - right as I’m finally starting real therapy with NOCD, things fell apart with my girlfriend because of my OCD patterns. We’re in this uncertain space right now (break? space? I don’t even know what to call it), and she’s the person I want to build a future with. The uncertainty of it all is absolutely brutal, especially while I’m just beginning treatment. I’m committed to doing this work - the ERP, all of it - to stop the self-sabotage cycle and learn to actually manage my OCD instead of letting it control my relationships. I want to be able to show up as a healthier partner. Has anyone here been through something similar? Starting ERP for ROCD while your relationship is on the line or has just ended because of it? How did you navigate doing the work while dealing with that kind of uncertainty?

j vv

Date posted: 2d

Hi Imerse 👋 I was floating on the edge of divorce for over a year just a few months after I began therapy. You’re not alone! A few things helped me: • *Learning to accept my best efforts*. If I was doing my very best in therapy and life, then it wouldn’t be fair to expect more. Being ok with things feeling “imperfect” and “out of place” became extremely important. • *Learning to accept that these things take time and hard work*. While I cut out many physical compulsions quickly, working on my ROCD became more difficult because it was constantly being triggered by my relationship status. This simply meant that it would take a longer time to heal and parse OCD noise from reality, and I had to be ok with that. • *De-constructing myths and personal fears*. Letting go of the myth of “the one” aka the perfect partner who could fulfill all needs was crucial, and so was letting go of my personal fears of being alone or harming my partner by staying or leaving. Learning to let go of OCD’s need to control led to me learning what was *actually* within my control in a relationship. Work closely with your therapist and keep fine-tuning your exposures as you go along! I had many therapy sessions that didn’t seem productive, but we were slowly working on breaking down my cognitive rigidity and beliefs that simply weren’t serving my best interests or aligning with my values. Sometimes demolition is the first step to construction. If you want to rebuild, put on your hard hat and be prepared for a lot of discomfort initially. You’ll soon find that you are more resilient than you think—regardless of outcomes of your relationship, you can survive this and even come out of it thriving as your best self. 👷👍

Imerse

Date posted: 2d

@j vv Appreciate you sharing this man. The part about accepting my best efforts and being okay with things feeling imperfect really resonates - I’ve been beating myself up hard about not being “fixed” fast enough. The part of “the one” putting them on a pedestal as the perfect partner is something i know i have too and need to look into that. Thank you for sharing that. The demolition before construction analogy hit different too. I think I’ve been expecting instant results when really I’m just starting to break down all the patterns I’ve built up over 20+ years. Good reminder that even if my cognitive work feels slow or sessions don’t seem productive right away, there’s still progress happening under the surface. Thanks for the perspective, genuinely helpful to hear from someone who’s going through something similar. Thank you

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond