I just can’t win. OCD wins everytime.

For what has been over a year at this point since my religious OCD has gotten bad, I’ve had spiral me that have come from the guilt of sin, feeling like I have to avoid it at all costs, and even has gotten to the point of being so paralyzed that I would avoid any hobbies or activities to avoid the chance of sin. The past few days have been better, I had been in tune with my faith and better realized that perfection isn’t possible, faith over works etc. it had started to be replaced by a previous subtype of OCD because this illness is the worst but religious OCD has been so extremely debilitating in my life that just having a different theme would be relieving. Unfortunately OCD will always come back to haunt me and now the ‘what if’ thought of “what if the things I do with my life are influenced by the devil and I just don’t know it?” The games I play, activities I do, the sins I do when I put it in that regard it feels like I’m betraying my faith and as a result once again feeling the need to avoid all my hobbies and enjoyments. Everytime I feel like things are getting better, it’s just always the same. I can’t win. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm just going to tell you one thing. You will feel bad, no matter what you will feel bad before you start feeling good. It's scary but fear doesn't feel good. Like rn writting this message is Scaring ME for some reason of OCD but you have to try no matter how scary it can be. You know the problem now BE the solution, and remember it will hurt and be scary but the end goal of living your life? Without having ocd be in everything. God I dream about it everyday too lmaoo. So just try, you can do nothing else but that till you over come it.

izabela’socd

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m going to be honest with you. I’ve struggled with religious OCD obsessions since I was a child AND Im still struggling with it. Here’s the truth no one will tell you, ocd is designed to put fear into you. Your higher power does not want to control you nor does he want to instil fear in you. Every intrusive thought that tells you “THIS IS BAD” “you ARE BAD” IS WRONG. It is NOT God looking down on you, and hating you. God loves everyone and we are ALL sinners. So whatever your brain says is bad, it’s not from your religion— it’s the disorder. I know this won’t stop the compulsions, and the self loathing (because it doesn’t stop me either) but eventually..as time goes on, you will SEE what OCD is putting in your head is not true religion, it is the disorder and it’s trying to make you think you’re bad when you’re not.

T050400c*

Date posted: Yesterday

@izabela’socd Thank you. It’s so exhausting. I know that my thoughts are irrational and as long as I have my faith that I will be able to overcome anything but also the anxiety and need for certainty is making it feel so real. I can only hope through effort and focusing on his forgiveness that I can get through this. It’s just hard. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

izabela’socd

Date posted: 47m

@T050400c* I completely understand. I really do. I think the best thing is to notice the DIFFERENCE between faith and OCD. OCD is NOT God. God does not want you to live in fear of sinning. God loves you no matter how you sin, but OCD likes to use your sins against you. I completely understand what it’s like, seriously. I also know that anxiety and uncertainty are the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with. It feels like I’m dying inside. But distract yourself, as time goes on, you will see the truth and ocd is lying. You don’t believe me now, but you will. OCD is lying.

VickiSilverBird

Date posted: Yesterday

I am sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. I can relate to the thoughts you expressed so well. I have religious OCD, too. It also is paralyzing to me in my hobbies and creative outlets- since they are also related to my religious beliefs. I am so afraid that I am not doing what God wants, that I am too caught up in my own ego and sins that I can't hear God. I am just beginning ERP with my therapist. She is great. I've been struggling for so many years not knowing I had OCD. I am learning a lot here, and hoping to gain some news tools to fight this. I am wishing you well.

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