Worried

@BigGyro09 But why I was arou###? That concerns me

@BigGyro09 No I do not mind!

@Idontknow I can't answer that for you because it's what unfortunately keeps your OCD alive rather than in check. You have to accept having no answer to beat the anxiety. I wanted to ask if you have any experience with SSRIs as an adult under 25. Have you taken any? What side effects did you get? Only if you're okay with answering. Like you, I have it bad with pocd and other themes so I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask.

@BigGyro09 Do you think it’s still Pocd? :( I don’t think so unless it’s very severe Yes, I do. I take fluoxetine and I have one side effect: I shake sometimes, but it’s different for everyone in my opinion

@Idontknow As much as I want to answer that and tell you no I can't. :( Even if I do agree that it's not pocd and just OCD messing with you, which I do, it's only going to help short term and the anxiety and uncertainty will come back. The true solution to this is to tell your therapist about this fear of yours and to use ERP to conquer the fear in combination of your medication. I wish I knew how to do ERP on my own, but I don't. About your medication: Congrats for using it! Did you ever worry about the rare, serious side effects before starting it? How long have you been taking it? Do you think it's working?

@BigGyro09 I’m so worried; I genuinely feel like a CM right now. I have this sensation where I think I either did something or someone did something to me. I have to take it, I can’t live without my medication. :( At first, I was scared to take it because of the side effects. I’ve been taking it since last November, and the psychiatrist has increased the dosage. It works, but it’s not a magic pill, unfortunately. I think I need a higher dosage. I don’t believe any medication will completely get rid of these thoughts or urges. 😞😞😞

@BigGyro09 Also, I’m not doing the right therapy

@BigGyro09 I’m about to see an ERP therapist for the first time, as I’ve never had ERP therapy before. My current therapist and psychiatrist knows about Pocd but are not specialized in OCD they think it’s Pocd I think I have p with Pocd I used to have bad obsessive taboo thoughts in the mornings when I would go for a drive, but not anymore. I just hope I have P OCD because, at the same time, I tell myself, you know what, I’m just going to accept that I’m a p. :((( I wanted help and wanted to get rid of these thoughts. It was very bad. What medication is your psychiatrist recommending? Even when I forget to take my medication I don’t have any side effects but it’s different for everyone I believe

@BigGyro09 I just couldn’t live like that anymore it was bothering me and I wanted to do anything to get better

@Idontknow Yeah the side effects are different for everybody for sure. I just hope mine aren't very scary or hard to deal with. That's why I don't want to take it. I'm just scared of what's on the other side. I'm also scared of telling my family about it because I would feel better if I had their support rather than do it behind their backs. I know I'm grown and I have that right to privacy but it just doesn't feel right to me. What your saying is what a lot of other people have said here on NOCD when it comes to your thoughts. I promise that you aren't alone in feeling that way and what your thoughts are telling you aren't true. It sucks so bad to deal with this day after day, but I'm glad you're still taking the steps to get the help you need. My physiatrists are recommending Lexapro to me. At first it was Prozac, but I'm not sure what made them change it to Lexapro. I'm glad you don't get any major side effects at the end of the day.

@Idontknow I'm right there with you. On my bad days, I feel like that and I say to myself, "Just give me the medication at this point, I can't deal with this BS anymore."

@Idontknow Just so you know, worrying that you don’t have POCD (or any OCD in general) is a sign you DO have it and you’re OK. Just need some help. Sometimes when I get really bad off, I do things that almost are subconsciously like I’m TRYING to convince myself that I AM an actual truly bad person (or the person I don’t want to be). OCD a lot of the time comes full circle and starts with a “what if!?” and ends with a “you see I told you so!!” What I mean is- it makes us worry about something (the “what if!?”) to the point where we end up just 100% believing we are bad and then the OCD has a victory (the “you see I told you so!!”) where now we have come full circle and believe we are a bad person, maybe because of a thought or action or something we said that was prompted by OCD in order to make us agree with what OCD’s saying (basically that we are bad people). In other words: 1. We have an OCD thought: “I am a bad person (of some kind)” 2. Compulsion: Ask for reassurance, check, etc… 3. Compulsion doesn’t work, we still feel bad 4. Worry: “what if I really am bad and that’s why I don’t feel better after asking doing my compulsion??” 5. Something happens in real life (a thought/speech/action) that is uncomfortable for us and triggers OCD 6. Unknowingly, we react to the #5 situation in a way that AGREES with OCD (in your case, thinking about the girl and then getting aroused) 7. We think “see what happened? You really are bad! You actually did something that was wrong! So you must be bad!” 8. Now is when we really need to intervene- what happened is this: we got really caught up in OCD’s thought pattern to the point where we’re now almost agreeing and trying to prove that OCD is right!! OCD is never right, so why would we go along with what it’s saying? 9. To intervene: rather than telling yourself that OCD is wrong and you’re actually a good person and you didn’t mean to do this or that etc, just let the thoughts go. It is the HARDEST thing to do but just let the hand of your mind stop holding on to the thoughts, no matter what they are, and picture if you want them floating away like windblown pieces of a dandelion. Just let them go. OCD is a cluster of thorns. It will only hurt you as long as you keep holding it tightly. Gotta let it go.

@BigGyro09 You’re a strong person, I can’t imagine living without medication

@redline True :(((

@BigGyro09 Sometimes I do feel alone because of these intrusive dreams and impulses that I be having

@BigGyro09 I think I use to take lexapro for my anxiety I don’t remember the side effects though

@BigGyro09 I understand, I wish the same but OCD is so misunderstood Are your family understanding of mental health?

@Idontknow You're strong too! Living with this in general just completely sucks. I'm thankful for the good days that I have but when the bad days come, it gets really tough

@Idontknow It can feel very isolating but the truth is it's not. What you're going through is what others have gone through, like me. Every night I sleep I have disturbing dreams or nightmares.

@Idontknow My family is understanding of mental health but I don't think they fully get OCD, which is okay because I don't expect them to. However, they aren't onboard with the idea of medication. I tried with Lexapro and they were strictly against it.