Sexual Orientation OCD

I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. I’ve dated a man, and I wasn’t really into the whole time. And since then I’ve thought that maybe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst I’ll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? What’s been your experience how do you manage it?

azo

Date posted: 18d

Hey, so I’m in a super similar situation to you and the first thing that I absolutely have to say to you is do not talk to ChatGpt about this!!! AI is not in any way, shape or form licensed to act as a therapy tool, nor does it have the cognitive ability of a real person. It does not do boundaries, it feeds validation, it repeats themes blindly because the program functions on the basis of copying and recreating patterns. No, I’m not saying this to sound super smart, I mean this is genuinely dangerous especially for people with OCD.

Chlem11

Date posted: 18d

@azo This situation is so frustrating to be in im exhausted. I’ll try and stay away from chat gpt thank you

azo

Date posted: 18d

@Chlem11 keep your head up and remember that it’s all in your head. 9 out of 10 times you’re worried over thoughts, not reality. The more attention you pay those thoughts the more it’ll feel like they’re seeping into reality, so it really is best to find a way to dismiss them. You can find a lot of recommendations on how to do that on the app lol

Anonymouus

Date posted: 18d

I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. OCD is brutal! I believe the best answer is sitting with the uncertainty and reducing the compulsions (chat, checking for arousal, going back into your dating history). Sometimes you won’t know with 100% certainly and part of OCD treatment is working forwards a more flexible mindset. You may be 80% into women and 20% into men. You may love women and still love your ex who was a man. I am also sitting with the uncertainly of it. Sometimes I feel bi, other times lesbian, other times straight, and other times nothing.

Chlem11

Date posted: 18d

@Anonymouus Yeah I feel similar. For me all my real life experiences implicate I’m a lesbian. But then I constantly second guess them. It’s so stressful, I feel like I can’t really belong in the lgbtq community because of it. I don’t know, it’s too difficult I can’t even tell what’s real or not. I feel so scared and alone. Have you found it’s easier to manage with time?

Anonymouus

Date posted: 18d

@Chlem11 Of course you belong, if that is what resonates to you, you belong. It’s also very well possible that you have OCD and also are questioning/exploring at the same time. These things can co exist. What makes OCD OCD is the obsessions and compulsions, but that doesn’t mean you can’t explore at the same time or already aren’t? In terms of me, ACT has helped. I’ve accepted that I may not know, and perhaps one day I’ll wake up in love with a woman or man and that’s where life took me. A lot of it has to do with grief for never fully knowing, so even though ERP and ACT is important, I encourage you to talk about (not in a compulsive way), but in a way where you’re sharing you’re feeling and what it’s been like to have this disorder. In my experience this has been apart of my holistic healing journey. I hope this helps!

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

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Sexual Orientation OCD

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