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thank you so much for your kind words. it's just so hard for me not to hate myself for having constant bad or mocking thoughts toward God, especially Jesus. i feel like i'm doing it purposely, and i can't help but feel bad about God and Jesus because i know how kind and loving He is—and i end up disrespecting Him with these thoughts. once again, thank you for this. 💗

i'm sorry to hear that you've been through depression, and thank you for your kindness. honestly, i want to send you an email, but i hope that if i do, you're not deeply struggling or feeling like I'm adding to your struggles. i just want to make sure that i'm not causing you any problems. i know you've told me many times that i'm not a burden or adding to what you're going through, but i care about you too. i’ll try to send it if i can.

@izenap Honestly, I was worried that you might have not been sending me an email because you felt like you were bothering me. I wish you didn't feel that way. I want you to send me an email. Please? Besides, if I was struggling, you'd help me, right? And how could you help me if you weren't there? Friends support each other, it's a group effort, it doesn't just go one way. And since you care about me too, then you must feel about me like how I feel about you. So ask yourself, how do you feel about me? Because that's how I feel about you! I hope this message doesn't sound pressuring or too firm, I don't want to pressure you or anything, I just care about you. And if anything I say hurts your feelings, please tell me of course May I ask what you meant when you said "I'll try to send it if I can"?

@Anonymous yes, i would send you an email, promise. i'm just worried about you too. and it would make me happy as well if i could help you with your struggles. honestly, i know that you're a very good person. the way your kind words comfort me and give me hope is something i truly appreciate. and don’t worry—you’re not pressuring me. i know you’re just concerned, and it makes me feel bad that you have to worry about me when you're struggling too. what i meant when i said "i'll try to send it if i can" is that i’ll try to send you an email if i can. sorry if i confused you. i just want to make sure it would really be fine with you if i send a sudden email. because what if i send it while you're really struggling with your own things? it makes me feel guilty and concerned. and wouldn’t it be awkward if i suddenly sent you an email out of nowhere? i'm just not used to opening up to someone through direct messages or email. but i promise—i will send you an email.

@izenap Don't feel bad, being worried about you really isn't a bad thing. And don't worry, the concern I have for you is healthy, it doesn't negatively impact me! I want to be concerned for you! We are concerned for the people we care about, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! So again, you really don't need to feel bad Yes, you can send me an email! It's not sudden or out of nowhere, as soon as I gave you my email address I was expecting an email! If you send me an email while I'm really struggling, then that would be good, because then you can be there to support me! You don't need to feel guilty, you don't need to feel concerned, you don't need to feel awkward -- I just want you to feel cared for. I understand not being used to opening up through messages, but just remember that I'm here to support you. And you don't need to worry about if I'm ready because you can always message me, whether through email or on NOCD -- I'll be ready! If you're ready to, I'm ready right now to receive your email as soon as you get the chance to send it! :) I'll be looking out for it!

@Anonymous thank you so much for kind words! thank you so much 💗

@izenap Of course :) If you want to say anything to me about sending me the email (or about anything else), please don't hesitate to say it! I'm ready to receive you're email, of course! I look forward to your email when you send it! :)

thank you so much for this and your kind words. what you shared is really helpful. as for my family, i tried sharing it with them when i had my first ever ocd flare-up. my mom was really concerned, yet she said that it’s just all in my head, that i should just pray and it will go away, and that i shouldn’t think of those thoughts. i told my mom that she should read something about ocd, yet she refused. i’m not angry with her for that—i understand—but it just hurt me. it hurts even more when my own brother calls me crazy for it. that’s why i stopped opening up to them about it and kept it all to myself. may i ask how to distinguish whether it is my ocd or not? i always think that the thoughts come from me because they feel automatic and like i purposely thought them. my religious ocd is on and off, yet it showed up again this May and has been here since. it revolves around God and Jesus—mockery and blasphemous thoughts. i've even had sexual intrusive images toward Jesus. everything feels real, and i feel like some of it is from me and not from ocd. that’s why i cannot forgive myself for doing those things toward God and Jesus. i can’t just let it pass, and the guilt is literally so heavy. i don’t know if God would forgive me for all of this. i just want to be happy again and live normally, yet it feels impossible. even though i cry many times, feel sorry, and drown in guilt and pain, when i think of becoming kind and gentle with myself, there’s a part of me that says i shouldn’t give any kindness to myself because i’ve been too harsh toward God—especially Jesus. it literally breaks me and keeps me stuck in my situation.