I'm so scared and I badly need help

please can we talk?

yeah that's a great idea I love that

Calling us a support group is very nice! While a support group isn't a replacement for ERP and OCD therapy, it's still a great way to find support and promote healing and encouragement!

I would love to talk to you. Also, do you know any group chats where I can join?

@dallia I'm not in any group chats myself, so I'm sorry, I don't know of any specific ones. But I'm sure you could ask for group chats to join/keep your eyes open for some in these community posts. I'm also here to talk with you as you need! :)

Same here tell me I am listening

I know how desperate things can feel. I understand feeling the way you are, I really do. But I don't want anything to happen to you. We're here, we can talk about it as much as you need.

@nunu Where else can we talk? I hope it's okay to ask. Do you guys have any social media accounts where I could reach out and talk to you? I'm really sorry if this seems like a burden. I know you might be going through things too, and I don’t want to add to that.

@dallia Of course it's okay to ask! And you're most certainly NOT a burden! It'd be a pleasure to have you to talk to! Would it be okay if we talked on this post for a bit first? Then we can look into a different social media platform later? Or is that not a good option for you? Let me know your thoughts! :)

@dallia Yes we can talk on it

@nunu Would you mind sharing it, if that’s okay with you? But if you're not comfortable, that's totally fine. I won’t force you.

@Anonymous So, I’m really scared that I mocked God last night. I don’t know why, but I had a thought in my head that sounded sarcastic, and I think I laughed in my mind. During that time, I had the urge to laugh for no reason, and I really hated the feeling. I feel condemned because I think I truly mocked God. Even though I cried because of it, my OCD tells me that I only cried because I’m afraid of punishment — and not because I care — when deep down, I know I never want to disrespect or mock God. What scares me even more is that I had a thought like, “What if it was really me?” — like I was pouring my frustration with OCD directly onto God. That thought terrifies me, because what if that’s true, even though I’m unsure? Right now, I feel like I mocked God again, but I can’t remember what happened earlier. I really want to remember it badly, because I feel like I committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit or mocked God again. I keep having brain fog and sharp pain in my head. I always pull my hair because I keep getting blasphemous thoughts and urges to curse God and the Holy Spirit. Earlier I even end up doing it, and I keep asking for forgiveness every time. I feel so hopeless, and I just want to die already. Now, I’m having false feelings — like I’m proud of the mockery or disrespect I did toward God. I hate these feelings so much, because I’ve always had deep respect for God. These false feelings feel so real, and I’m scared that they’re actually my true feelings. I’m terrified that I’m already condemned and being punished. I can’t cry right now, and my OCD is telling me that means I meant all those horrible things — that I’m faking the fear, sadness, and guilt. I feel like I’m going insane because of all this. I really need someone, and I don’t want to live like this anymore, thinking I might be condemned. I hate myself. I keep having urges to laugh at what I’ve done, and that feels so horrible — because why would I laugh at disrespecting God? I never wanted that. I keep blaming myself. I even feel like I'm not guilty enough right now. I don't know what to do anymore and now I’m so scared I’m developing psychosis.

@dallia I also feel the same please don't worry talk to me I am here I will reply you first time I see someone who has also the same problem like me I am also facing the same it means we are suffering from a condition but we both will try to overcome on it

@nunu I feel less alone. I hope we can help each other to overcome this 🫂

@dallia I understand the weird OCD feeling of having the urge to laugh/feeling like I'm laughing in my mind, it's a terrible feeling that's hard to put into words. And I've had fears of committing blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, it's such a terrifying fear... I'm really sorry you're going through this. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not upset with you at all. And I really don't want you to die or for anything bad to happen to you. I hear you. I understand being sad enough to cry but my body being unable to, I hate it when that happens. I'm here, I'm listening. Is it okay with you if we chat on this post for now? It has nothing to do with you of course, I just like talking on this app is all! Please let me know your feelings! :)

@dallia Yes yes of course tell me what are you doing right now?

@Anonymous It is totally fine. I understand and thank you 💗

@nunu I'll be honest — I'm not doing well right now. I really want to cry, but I just can't. These false feelings feel so real, and it's hard to tell what's true or not anymore. I feel unforgivable, and I don’t know if God could still forgive me.

@dallia He will because all such stuff also come in my mind Infact I feel so terrible my ocd usually ask me to do a experiment like if 8 digit will be on some number plate then I will not get life some bad will be happened it's a strange thing but it is happening with me and if number 8 is there again blasphemous thoughts comes and I am in pain

@dallia I'm really sorry to hear that. :( Me and nunu are here to listen. I've felt unforgivable too. But I agree with nunu that God can forgive. Did OCD just started affecting you a few weeks ago? How long have you known that you have OCD?

@nunu My OCD number is 2. I constantly feel the need to say or do things twice, and even then, it often doesn’t feel “right.” I end up repeating the phrase or action over and over until I finally feel satisfied. If I don’t do it the right way, I start to fear that something bad will happen or that I won’t be able to protect the people I love. When it comes to blasphemous thoughts, they disturb me the most when I’m alone or in a quiet environment. Just when I start to feel a bit of peace, my mind begins searching for those thoughts and urges again. It terrifies me and makes me feel like I’m thinking them on purpose even though deep down, I know I’m not. All I can do is try to reassure myself, curse at my OCD, shake my head, and explain things over and over which only feeds the OCD and makes it worse. But I can’t help doing it. I really hate my religious OCD. It feels like the blasphemous thoughts are getting worse day by day. I’m truly sorry that you’re going through this too. Religious OCD is incredibly painful and difficult to deal with.

@Anonymous Yes, I’ve been like this for almost two weeks now. I had a severe episode of religious OCD, and each day since then has felt even worse. I don’t understand why these blasphemous thoughts keep getting stronger. I hate it so much. I’m really worried about what’s happening to me. It’s been nearly two weeks, and I feel like I desperately need therapy. I think I’m already dealing with severe religious OCD because it is seriously affecting my daily life. I constantly feel the urge to talk to my parents about it again, but I remember what happened before, and I don’t want to be a burden. I really need support, especially from my family, but I would rather carry this alone. I’m so scared I might lose control but I can’t bring myself to tell them. I’m afraid of how they will react. I don’t want to cause any problems. Looking back, I think I showed early signs of OCD when I was around 9. As far as I remember, it faded for a while. But when the pandemic started and I was 13, it suddenly came back. I began having repetitive actions and nonstop song lyrics playing in my head. I was really confused and scared at that time because I didn’t know what was going on in my mind. Also, during that time, I would constantly check the door locks and windows, touch things repeatedly until I was exhausted, and stay up very late. I can’t remember exactly when I discovered it was OCD but since then, it has never really gone away. And as I’ve grown older, it has only gotten worse.

@dallia I also feel the same now I am on my workplace and when I see people thoughts just come and bother me like I was in elevator and my boss and colleague are with me and blasphemous thoughts we're just coming and just annoyed me to do become abusive against them and it was so hard for me to control it what the other people will think of I will do any abnormal act it's so painful but by listening you I get a hope

@dallia If I may respond to something you said in your response to nunu, if you see that the thoughts disturb you the most when you're alone/in a quiet environment, perhaps you could try to be around people if you're having a really rough time? I'm also here to message if that makes you feel less alone -- you can message me whatever you want and I'll read it as soon as I can! And I understand having my mind search for those thoughts when I feel a bit of peace too. Now on to your response to me. I'm sorry that it has been feeling worse each day... I'm here to talk with as each day comes. And I was worried about what was happening to me too when my OCD showed up. In your initial post you said that when you first opened up to your family they said it was in your head, and then you went on to say that you don't want your family to think something is wrong again. Do you want to tell me about what happened before when you told your family? You're not a burden to me, and I don't think your family would think that about you either, but I understand your feelings... I feel like a burden too. If you need support from your family, I want you to have that, I really don't want you to carry it alone. If you decide you want to tell them but want emotional support from me while you tell them, you can always tell me how it goes if you do tell your family things! I think if therapy might be good for you, it would be good to have. But at least I think it would help to learn about OCD to be able to understand it better. The pandemic was a rough time, especially when it comes to OCD. I've had song lyrics stuck in my head too in the past, and with OCD that can be very distressing. Checking door locks and windows and touching things do sound like OCD to me. How did you end up staying up late, if I may ask? Also, so did you discover it was OCD a few years ago then? I'm sorry it's only seemed to get worse... I hear you, and I'm listening.

@nunu Honestly, when I'm in public, I try my best not to respond to my OCD when it throws terrifying and blasphemous thoughts. Deep down, I’m scared people might think I’m crazy or weird. You made me feel less alone. We've got this!

@dallia Yes now I am in my office and these thoughts are coming what should I do

@nunu Many people say that you just need to sit with the discomfort and let the blasphemous thoughts pass. It will be hard, but it will help. Honestly, I can't even do that. I always end up doing my compulsions because the thoughts feel like too much to handle.

@Anonymous I’m really sorry for the late reply. I just needed some time to myself because I’ve been struggling a lot. Thank you for your concern and I truly appreciate it. I’m also sorry that you're helping me even though you're going through your own struggles too. Honestly, I’m always at home. I barely go out and usually just stay in my room. Everyone in the house is busy and mostly focused on their phones, my dad works hard, and my mom is busy as well. But we do talk to each other during meals. When I do go outside, it’s usually because I have something important to take care of. It helps a little, but it’s also exhausting, and it hurts when my mind still attacks me even in loud or busy places. What happened before was that I experienced my first OCD flare up. It was the first time I ever went through something like that. I kept crying and carrying everything alone inside. It was Religious OCD. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and told my mom. She was really worried and she even cried. That moment really hurt because I felt like I was just adding to the weight of everything we were already going through as a family. She couldn’t fully understand what I was trying to explain. OCD is so complex, and it was hard to put into words. I shared with her some of my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but they didn’t think it was OCD. They thought there might be something more seriously wrong with me like brain damage. She secretly observe me. My mom even mentioned it to my aunt, and my aunt compared it to her husband, who sounds more like he might be dealing with psychosis. It really hurt to hear them think something is deeply wrong with my brain instead of recognizing it as OCD. They also said maybe I was just reading too much online and diagnosing myself but I know what I have is OCD. Even though my mom couldn’t fully understand, I do appreciate how much she cared. She made me sleep earlier and even took me for walks. But since then, I’ve stopped opening up to them. I know they won’t understand, and with our financial situation, it’s even harder to talk about. During the pandemic, I used to stay up really late because I had to finish all my compulsions before sleeping. Even if I was exhausted, crying, and sweating, I couldn’t stop if I felt like I didn’t do them ‘right.’ A few years ago, I searched online about the things I was doing, and that’s when I discovered it was OCD. I can’t remember the exact time — my memory is a bit foggy. And lastly, I want to say sorry too because I know you’re struggling yet you’re still here offering kind words and making me feel less alone. That means so much to me. Thank you. 💗

@dallia No worries! It's okay if you need time to yourself, I understand; I just don't want you to isolate yourself is all! And you don't need to be sorry that I'm helping you! I want to support you -- you shouldn't be apologizing, it's me who should be thanking you for letting me help you, haha! :) I'm always at home too, and I know it's not easy. I do my college work online. And I'm sorry that your family is so busy. I'm really sorry, first OCD flare ups are just awful... I know it hurts when people can't fully understand what we explain, it's really difficult for me too, and the words seem impossible to find. I'm sorry they didn't think it was OCD and that they thought it was something more serious... My first counselor tried diagnosing me with something more serious than OCD, and that made me feel really bad. From what you've said, it definitely seems like what you are going through is OCD. OCD is unfortunately so misunderstood, people only think it's just cleaning too much or something like that, when in reality there's so much more to OCD... I'm glad your mom cared for you and helped in those ways. Perhaps you could go on walks again, maybe that would give you something to get out of the house to do? Maybe your family members could go too? I'm so sorry that you stopped opening up to them... I understand the OCD mindset you describe about not stopping until it was "right", that sounds a lot like how I was. I see that you keep saying that you're sorry. That's okay, it's okay to feel sorry, there's nothing wrong with that. But the thoughts that you're a burden are lies. This sounds like something we can work on together, sometimes I feel like a burden as well. But let's also be patient with ourselves as we work on it. Again, it's okay to feel sorry, and if you have those thoughts then I want you to tell me as often as you want. And regarding your message at the bottom where you talk about still feeling unforgivable: I'm sorry... I know how it feels. Let's just take each day step-by-step. We have the three of us to get through things together.

@Anonymous @dallia I think I will get a cardic arrest due to the stress 😩 I am in a pain.

@nunu I'm sorry that this is distressing you so much. :( I hear you, we're listening!

@Anonymous Thank you so much. You are so kind and I hope things get better for the three of us. 💗

@dallia I hope things get better for us too! I'm sorry about how long my message was lol. I'm here if you want to tell me more about how you've been, of course! :)

@Anonymous No it's fine! I really appreciate your kind words 💗

@dallia 😊 Well, I'm here to listen to whatever you want to talk about!

It's okay feeling the same

How are you?

@nunu My blasphemous thoughts aren't as intense as before, but I still feel worried and scared.

Thank youuu 💗

Hey how are you I am trying to remain busy I have issued a book from my university library to remain busy.