Mental compulsions

So I've been working to address my OCD for about a month now. So far, I haven't been working on it with a therapist and have instead been trying to create my own exposure exercises. The primary obsession I'm working on is the fear that I'm somehow flawed or invalid on a fundamental level. The best way I can describe it it is that its similar to the feeling you get when you have germ OCD and you feel contaminated, except my whole existence and being feels contaminated, so to speak. I've identified a list of triggers, and a list of compulsions (pretty much all mental) that I've noticed myself performing. I started out by doing imaginal exposures and scripts where I'd write out triggering fictional scenarios and read them over and over, combined with mindfulness techniques to focus on my breath and bring myself back to the present when I noticed myself performing compulsions mentally. At first it worked to some extent, but eventually I started to feel like the stories I was writing about this obsession weren't triggering any anxiety anymore or a very low level. So I stopped reading them and focused solely on improving my ability to stay present and identifying compulsions as I perform them, and disengaging. Now, I'm at the point where it seems like my general anxiety levels throughout the day are lower, and the triggers I've identified are producing noticeably less anxiety. But that makes me wonder if somehow I'm just secretly doing mental compulsions without knowing it? Is only a month of rather disorganized and unstructured ERP enough to produce this much improvement? To avoid giving me re-assurance, I'd appreciate if you guys don't directly answer those questions, maybe just provide some possibilities or your own experiences so I can get a better idea of where I'm at. Any info would be appreciated. Thanks!

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

I commend you for asking us that we not reassure you. In my experience, the more ERP that i do and sit with the anxiety turns the volume down. I use non engagement responses like - who cares? Sounds like fun? Whatever works for you. And I don’t try to figure out if I am compulsing or ruminating. When I become aware of it I stop immediately. How do I become aware that I MAY be compulsing - OCD is getting louder. Hope this helps.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

That's very helpful, thank you Jeffrey! So essentially what you're saying is that if I'm feeling less anxious, I shouldn't question it or get caught up in doubt, I should just stay aware and if I start to feel more anxious, that means I'm doing compulsions?

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

@Anonymous The trick is to do our best to never question it. The truth is we all get caught from time to time, but as you get more skilled with ERP, you will find OCD is quieter. Always stay aware as best you can. There are times that catch everyone - for me it is when I am stressed or very tired or angry. That is when I know I need to be on the lookout for OCD.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

@Jeffrey Thank you so much for clarifying! That's very helpful man. I can relate to that alot - I find myself doing compulsions and getting caught up in the anxiety the most when I'm stressed or tired.

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

@Anonymous You’re welcome. OCD sucks and it can be very difficult to cope with, but with perseverance and commitment to ERP things can and do get much more manageable.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

@Jeffrey Couldn't agree more. So one more thing I'm curious about if you don't mind - originally I was responding to anxious thoughts with some of the things you mentioned above, like "sure, whatever" etc, but I started to worry that this itself might become compulsive. Whats your take on that?

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

@Anonymous I don’t mind at all. Non engagement responses are appropriate and although anything can become compulsive this is something I learned in therapy. We try not to engage the thought at all - just let it be there and do nothing - but sometimes it takes more effort to manage the OCD so that is when non-engagement responses are helpful for me. Be careful however because you do not want to say something like - oh this is just ocd - no need to worry - that is reassurance. By saying whatever, I don’t care, sure we are leaving it open that the thought is a possibility but we don’t care that it is. Ik these cases we are not trying to solve the problem, we are just taking an uncaring attitude toward it. Thats the difference. Does that make sense?

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

@Jeffrey Yes totally! Thank you for explaining. I really appreciate the help.

Jeffrey

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

@Anonymous Of course. Happy to help. We are in this together.

anxietypoops

Date posted: 23w

The RP in ERP

Hi! I've been on my OCD healing journey for about half a year and I have seen a lot of success. I'm reaching out for advice, I am very willing to do exposures because I know the more I do them, the more I get better, but I struggle with the response prevention part. I don't know how to control my brain when it comes to facing the fears especially since most of my compulsions are mental. I can tell myself the typical things "I am okay with the uncertainty of this happening", etc. but its like my brain doesn't believe them. I've been stuck in this disconnect for a while and would love advice you have heard from a therapist or learned that has really help you.

thatusername...

Date posted: 23w

How do I practice exposure for mental compulsions?

My NOCD therapist (who has been awesome) and I are both struggling to identify ways in which I can practice exposure therapy while in-session, because the vast majority of my OCD symptoms are mental compulsions. For example: indecision and inability to commit to a choice; seeking reassurance on decisions from friends and family; mental review of things that have just happened / social situations; over-thinking and catastrophizing. I also have some other hallmark symptoms (contamination fears, moral scrupulosity, etc) but those tend to be inconsistent too. It’s hard to really practice these during my sessions because so many are in the moment and fleeting. By the time I join my session they are no longer active. How can we establish exposure responses during my sessions, if most of my OCD involves mental rumination and overthinking patterns/thought loops that only occur “in the moments - rather than specific or consistent compulsions (such as hand washing)?

Wed_Wheel

Date posted: 22w

My SO OCD

I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?

Sexual Orientation OCD

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