We need to talk more about SO-OCD in the bi+ community!

I'm going to talk about something problematic I have noticed in regards to publicly available information about OCD. Almost all information about SO-OCD (sexual orientation OCD) is for straight people whose obsessions center around the fear that they are actually gay (This is also evident from the fact that SO-OCD was previously, and sometimes still is, known as H-OCD, or homosexuality OCD). Then there is a small fraction of information about gay people who fear that they are actually straight. So far, I have seen almost nothing about bi+ (including bi, pan, omni, poly, queer, etc.) individuals who have obsessive doubts about their orientations. I am a bisexual woman (but I have a preference for women, so I often just say that I'm gay). I have an OCD diagnosis, originally for contamination subtype, but I have other subtypes as well. I believe I may be experiencing SO-OCD subtype- I obsessively fear that I am actually straight or aromantic/asexual, and this fear causes me a great amount of anxiety (Especially the fear that I am actually straight, of course, because the stakes are higher there as I mostly present myself as being gay, so if I ended up being straight I would have no way to take all that back). To neutralize that fear, I try to "prove" to myself that I am indeed attracted to any gender. Does this sound like OCD? Probably so. The thing about that is, when I have done research on SO-OCD, I have found exactly two sources that are about, or at least properly acknowledge, the experience with this subtype of OCD as a bi+ person. After all, OCD tends to latch onto the natural fluidity of multisexuality, which is why the bi+ experience with this subtype isn't quite the same as when straight/gay/aroace people struggle with it. I think we absolutely need to increase the amount of information available by, for, and about bi+ individuals struggling with sexual orientation OCD. The rampant bi-antagonistic attitudes among both straight people and gay/lesbian circles already is shown to have a negative impact on mental health in the bi+ community, and the prevalence of SO-OCD in this community is no doubt at least partially a result of constantly being told by society that we are confused, faking, or in denial. And it sure doesn't help when almost none of the information about mental health conditions acknowledges our existence! Not only does that make us feel alone in our struggles, it may even prevent some people from recognizing their symptoms as OCD and getting the help they need. So I am calling to increase health information about the experience of being bi+ with SO-OCD, so that more people are able to get help, are empowered to openly discuss their experience with the condition, and to know that they are not alone. 💗🏳‍🌈

needtoescape...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

Reposted due to mistake! (My apologies to the people following me who received a bunch of notifications because I posted this 3 times.) Happy Pride Month, y'all. Stay strong. Much love! ❤

sophea

Date posted: 6d

I have some SOOCD related obsessions, but they're pretty minor as far as my obsessions go and I can mostly ignore them, but, as a fellow bisexual woman, I feel you. I cycle through "omg I'm secretly a lesbian" "omg I'm secretly straight" and "omg I'm secretly aromantic" every week or so. It's so silly.

stillherentr...

Date posted: 5d

Firstly, happy pride month! But secondly I really appreciate you bringing this to light. I am also bisexual woman who has only been in one WLW relationship and am currently absolutely in love with my male partner. The thoughts regarding if I might actually be a lesbian opposed to bi, or simply just asexual can be so taxing, and as you said, it is so hard to find support given that most resources are hard lines of gay to straight or vice versa. You posting this is a great first step and just know that you were a helpful resource for me today, because I had a small spiral regarding my sexuality just earlier today. Thank you for posting🫶

needtoescape...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d

While I'm sorry that you experience this, I'm glad that what I wrote is something you can relate to and that helps you feel less alone! Happy Pride, sending love! <3

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

I fit into the same bi category too except preferring men romantically. I completely agree with you and I love this post!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 6d

I’ve kinda been looking for more posts about SO-OCD recently for this reason. I hate that my POCD revolves around me questioning my sexual orientation instead of the normal reason most people obsess over POCD, so I find a lot of the contexts around SO-OCD more informative than POCD articles. However, like you said many SO-OCD posts are very one-sided.

nae nae

Date posted: 6d

I relate! Thank you for sharing! :)

Not2Day

Date posted: 6d

I'm sorry, I don't understand why would you have to take it back if you are straight?

needtoescape...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d

Oh, it's because I've already told most of the people in my life that I'm queer and that I most likely will end up with a woman, and then if I ended up being straight I would have to tell everyone "nevermind", and I would both be quite embarrassed, and also would feel like I harmed the LGBTQIA+ community somehow.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 5d

I have really bad so ocd but specifically about being gay and it’s very distressing and confusing

Not2Day

Date posted: 5d

@needtoescapetheVOID I would hope the LGBTQIA+ community would be understanding to you soul searching your inner-self. So you can become your Best Self to live a life balanced in wellness? I understand that is what they are about. Don't be so hard on yourself for trying to work out your on life to be a better you. Unfortunately, society place a heavy demand in us to know exactly what we want, know where we are going and to have all these detailed goals and plans laid out for 5 years, 10 and 15 years. It not always that simple... People fall in love young, marry and have children and think after the honeymoon or infatuation or sexually attraction stage that it flows into what they want and expects. This is so no true. It takes a lot of hard work to just BE. Now add society expectations, spouse, extended family, church family and kids. You cannot control any of those outliers, and your experiences in life, environmental influences changes how we perceive our next moves toward our future. Our values and beliefs may change as we move forward in life as well. People think you're not grounded well but things, feelings, beliefs and values can change in each one of us. Things change everyday, people have to make a conscious decisions everyday on who, what, when, where they want to move next and How. Everyone of us, everyday. I believe that why consistency is the major flag in relationships because people can and will change. This is why we must know how to communicate with one another and check in with each one and ask the hard questions about where each one of us are at. Be patience and understanding of the other. Honesty play a great role, understanding thr needs of our partner does just as much. It's a lot of complexed moves when you include others. Any relationship or association requires you to think of someone other than self. So give yourself some grace for trying to figure it all out. Trying to be honest with self so you can present and represent your true self.

needtoescape...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5d

I understand what you're saying, and this does apply in some aspects. However, the thing is that I'm not really still trying to figure out my orientation; rather, OCD is forcing me to question something that I'm actually very confident about. It might be likened to something external; these thoughts don't feel any more "mine" than the thoughts of entirely other people do- Yet at the same time, they feel like they define everything about me and I feel trapped in them. But I'd think soul-searching wouldn't be so terrifying and distressing, would it?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond