I understand labeling thoughts as OCD. But for me, sometimes I think my partner looks ugly and I genuinely think that in the moment. And I feel such guilt and need to confess and all the things. I guess it doesn’t matter if the thought is real or not? (Even though I’m aware mine is at times) I feel like everyone talks about OCD and labeling the thoughts as “not true” when mine is. I’m thinking this may fall under real event OCD?
I’ve had this feeling before in my OCD. Honestly the more you analyze a person, you can kind of focus in on their unattractive qualities or sometimes they just aren’t as attractive as other times. I’ve learned that these feelings of visual attractiveness (like many “feelings”) kind of fluctuate and for me that fluctuating is part of just being a human. The thought is real, but at least for me in my relationship, the feeling of attraction come and go in terms of appearance or feelings. The OCD wants you to try and figure out if these thoughts mean something bigger and scarier, like maybe something is just not ever going to feel right abou the person. That’s kind of where the lie or deceptiveness is.. In my case, there are times where it just hits me and my wife is so attractive, and other times I look at her and feel nothing or even think maybe she’s not pretty or has a weird nose or something. I don’t think OCD just focuses on lies, it also makes normal or fleeting things into a big persistent, eclipsing dilemma. When maybe those fluctuations should just kind of come and go like the weather and pass on through. Similarly, finding another person attractive is pretty common among all people but OCD will fixate on this too. Anyway, hopefully this is encouraging as I’ve been right where you are and thankfully don’t feel plagued with this flavor anymore.
@Anonymous YES. I appreciate this response so much because I relate so much!!! I am definitely focused on it and sometimes think he looks ugly & other times am soooo attracted. It’s just being a human but the guilt I have from having the ugly thoughts is so intense. Especially bc my partner says that I always look good…. Thank you.
@Anonymous Does the word ugly ever pop up for you or is that just me? 😭
@Anonymous Like for some reason I feel like the word ugly makes it so much worse for me
Hello, When practicing using ERP, more focus tends to be placed on the compulsion rather than labeling the thoughts. From what you mentioned it appears you feel the need to compulsively confess to your partner. Working with an ERP trained therapist might be helpful in identifying what compulsions are coming up and how to sit with the uncertainty/uncomfortable emotions created by obsessions. If you are not currently working with an ERP therapist, it may be helpful to know that all of our therapists with NOCD are trained ERP therapists. I'm adding a link to a video below, which discusses ERP. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEWzOAGaypY
This has recently happened to me. I find it helps to go back to your values. Somtimes, in some lighting or position people can be ugly.. or at least uglier. Have you ever gotten your picture taken from a bad angle? In this case our values can inform us or maybe I can love my partner even if they are ugly. What if they get burned badly or get mauled by an animal? Would I stop loving them just because she they aren’t beautiful? Maybe don’t think too much into it? Ok, I think you’re ugly right now. So what?
I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD and differentiating between what is an intrusive thought and what is a real doubt. I was really happy with my partner then I got one aggressive thought that I didn’t love him and this spiralled into noticing all his flaws. I struggle being around him because I feel a huge sense of guilt that these thoughts even come into my head and I cannot figure out if this is my brain lying to me or this is how I feel. It’s really impacting a relationship that is so important to me.
That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!
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