Self sabotaging relationships

Does anyone else unintentionally self sabotage their relationships? I tend to seek so much reassurance that they get sick of me. I only seek reassurance because I get scared that they're going to leave me (have abandonment issues) and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because I worried so much that it ends up happening. I get trust issues about my partner cheating because I imagine worst case scenarios all the time and it really strains all of my relationships. Anyone else do this? What have you done to help?

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7d ago

Hey. Yeah, this is common for me too. Dealing with he OCD is very important, but also dealing with the trust and abandonment issues is as well.

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d ago

This video may help you: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UK3PCMRsn8I&pp=ygUJTm9jZCByb2Nk I don’t have ROCD as a subtype, but the approach to all themes is the same - to learn to tolerate and lean into the doubt and uncertainty. Which sounds counterintuitive, but learning those skills with ERP therapy can help you tremendously. Practicing delaying your urge for reassurance, and accepting that you’ll never be 100% certain, will help too.

OCD Helping ...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6d ago

Yes! This is so common! The best thing to do is practice Exposure and Response Prevention. For example, the thought of your partner leaving you comes up -- instead of seeking reassurance, acknowledge that painful thought and just sit with it. Don't try to change it -- don't seek inner or outer reassurance, don't mentally check, etc. JUST SIT WITH IT. Say some version of: "Oh, here's that thought about my boyfriend leaving me. Oh well. Maybe he will, maybe he won't". You don't have to say that specifically, this is more the vibe to approach these thoughts with: ambivalence. They're just thoughts so they don't deserve much from us other than basic acceptance and acknowledgment. Because once we acknowledge and accept these thoughts -- without engaging with them -- they have way more room to pass through us and leave us alone!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d ago

It sounds incredibly difficult to feel caught in a cycle where your fear of abandonment leads to reassurance seeking that strains your relationships. This pattern of intrusive fears and seeking certainty is something many people with OCD experience, especially in relationships. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle. I have a couple articles here that I think would be really helpful for you: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-stop-self-sabotaging/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/overcoming-anxious-attachment/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-do-i-need-constant-reassurance-relationship-rocd/

kelsey46

Date posted: 22w ago

Does anyone have narcissism OCD?

I am really scared of being a narcissist.. I’ve been in therapy and I feel like my therapist isn’t taking it seriously:( like if I am a narcissist I want to work on it I’m just really scared of harming people.. including my partner:( I don’t want be the reason he needs therapy and I don’t want to ruin his life. I’m scared I’m manipulating him somehow to want to be with me and I just don’t know what to do. I NEED to get this fixed before our relationship progresses but I just feel like I’m not being heard by therapists/psychiatrists We want to get married and have children but I don’t even know if I will be a good partner or mom. If I do have narcissism I just think it would be best if I left him alone :( I don’t know what to do I know that people will say that narcissists don’t care about hurting other people or things like that but I just don’t know how true that is. I also have really mean judgmental, cruel, and hateful thoughts about people and I feel like that means I’m a narcissist

Uypvqcm5

Date posted: 9w ago

ROCD

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 8w ago

I feel like a cheater, please help :(

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

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Self sabotaging relationships

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