Specifically how can my fiance best support me without offering reassurance? I'm trying to encourage myself to grow and keep trying ERP, but I'm not sure how I can include my partner in a healthy way. I plan on talking to my therapist about it soon, but I wanted to hear thoughts from people who have been dealing with it themselves.
The golden rule is to notice when "you're" (people say that but what they should say is "your fear is") triggered, be aware of it.(mindfulness/ Buddhism etc). You'll feel it first and then thoughts or other stuff will follow. Practice letting him know when you feel that way, especially in person. If it's over the phone, let him know before you start speaking and make sure he's in the right position to help, otherwise its a solo mission at that point. Don't get me wrong, this is your responsibility, but he can aid you and be an effective shoulder to lean on if he understands. So once that first step is done, you adress the type of fear that wants to drive you. Respond in kind and with almost ambiguous encouragements. You'll be talking to both you and your fear. No white lies here. Schrodingers cat approach for your ocd. All possibilities exist and don't exist at the same time until you know for sure. So nothing like "it will be OK", as that's an absolute answer and a lie, because there's no way to tell for certain through thought. Fear loves lies like I like pies. It eats that crap up and will only make it fatter and stronger. Instead encouragement offers a positive open ended response that speaks to all parties involved with your inner turmoil. Stuff like "I know you can, and I believe in you". Those are truths and it not only makes you strong, it weakens the fear as a byproduct of neglect. Final stage, action. You find something that you really want to head towards. Not out of fear, or any attachment to anything including your fiance. You do this one solely for you. You aim and you go for it, no matter what fear says, regardless and despite of it, and you will get to the point of knowing whether you can or not do it. The only sure way to not know, is to not act in your own best interests. I know you and your fiance CAN do whatever you put your minds to in life. (Encouragement!) Just live by and through the requirements above by acting on them and working with them. The rest will sort itself out (stoicism) . Stay strong and go for it đȘđ
Thank you. This genuinely helps so much!
Wanting to include your partner in your recovery journey in a supportive, non-reassuring way shows great strength and awareness. It's completely understandable to seek guidance on how to do this effectively. Open communication, like the conversation you plan to have with your therapist, is key to figuring out what works best for both of you. I tend to remind what their reassurance seeking looks like so that you can tell your partner what it looks like - you can then have your partner tell you something like, "asked and answered and I am going to gently suggest you use your skills rather than me reassure you." If youâre struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please donât hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-relationships-before-during-after-erp-therapy/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-ocd/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/is-the-truman-show-syndrome-real/
Navigating how a partner can best offer support without giving reassurance is a common challenge, and it's great that you're seeking input. It takes courage to do ERP, and involving your fiancĂ© thoughtfully can be a positive step. Sometimes, partners find it helpful to learn more about OCD and ERP together, perhaps through resources or even joining a therapy session if your therapist agrees. If youâre struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please donât hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-relationships-before-during-after-erp-therapy/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-ocd/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/is-the-truman-show-syndrome-real/
Right now, iâm waiting for a response from my partner. Yesterday, we got into a serious conversation about the repeated cycle of reassurance seeking and extreme anxiety. heâs been so incredibly patient but I think heâs hit a crosswords in that if I donât make serious, healthier changes, he does not see the relationship continuing in a healthy or meaningful way anymore. This morning, I told him I wanted to give him space and to respond once he felt comfortable. I attended a support group today but I am consumed with spiraling, obsessive thoughts due to his lack of response now that itâs 5pm and I sent that text at 8am. I dont want to overwhelm him but i just dont know how to sit with the uncertainty. I feel like his lack of response and communication today means he wants to break up. I feel sick and cannot eat. I dont know what to do- any suggestions or thoughts?
Hi everyone. I'm feeling kinda scared because I have to wait a whole month to start ERP therapy, but I feel like I need to start doing exposures now because the longer I wait, the more anxiety I get. It just feels like the OCD monster is getting worse. One thing that helps me is asking one person about an obsession I have...asking a person that I trust, and then doing an exposure after I get the "ok" to do it. I feel like I do need 1 reassurance and then I can go ahead and do it. I know i'm not supposed to ask for reassurance at all, but i dont think you're supposed to do ERP on your own right? Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do while waiting for therapy? PS-the reason there is a wait is bc she's on vacation. After she's back we will meet regularly.
Last night I had a fucked up intrusive thought/urge about harming my partner and I'm spinning out today. I let them know I had an intrusive thought and was struggling with compulsions around it and future repercussions, but did not tell them exactly what the thought/urge was, which they accepted. Do y'all share details with your partners about harm ocd? How can we healthily ask for support from people we are having horrible thoughts about?
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