I’ve been held on so long to this idea that my partner did something a few years ago that neither of us can remember and it’s like a huge deal if it did happen and I’m so fixated and it won’t go away and everyone is saying it didn’t happen but what if it did?
You have to accept the inevitability that it may have happened or may not have. That if it did or didn't it's not a big deal and can probably be worked through. After all, if this much time has passed and it didn't happen what would be the point in worrying? And if it did happen, well things have been working out just fine, so why bother? You don't need certainty, and have to let the control go.
@Lena1998 I don’t know how to accept it though because if it did happen it changes the context of something and I’m just so freaked out
@Z_Unknown You may have to elaborate on it some, because most situations can be worked through, even if the context changes.
@Lena1998 Basically I became fixated on this idea that my girlfriend who really wouldn’t do something like this, made a repeated mistake a couple years ago which then led me to make a wrong assumption about her but it was due to a wrong repeated action, but idk if that’s true or if she did do that or not and neither of us can remember anything and it’s making me very upset
@Z_Unknown Like cheating? Sorry I'm struggling to follow. Either way if it was something similar to that, it's possible couples therapy would help.
@Lena1998 But idek if it happened or not I don’t remember it feels like it did but logically it didn’t, and I know I have false memory ocd so I can’t tell if it’s that or not
@Z_Unknown It is most likely an OCD flare up. Your OCD is latching onto what you care about, in this instance your relationship with your partner. You have to accept that you may never get an answer that is satisfactory. It's a lesson in ERP, that you have to learn to be okay with uncertainty. If ruminating and worrying about this isn't solving it, then likely it's better to let it go and just see what happens in the future. Trust me, I know it's easier said than done.
@Lena1998 How do I just accept something like that?
@Z_Unknown There's a few ways. It's not easy, but allowing yourself to sit with the discomfort is a start. Imagining the worst scenario possible and just allowing yourself to feel your emotions. Part of OCD is you fear the thoughts and outcomes you can't control. Try maybe saying your thoughts back to yourself in a silly voice, or making the situation into a song. Anything that takes the situation and minimizes it's grip on you.
A huge reason for starting therapy is because I constantly think my boyfriend of almost 5 years is cheating on me, emotional cheating, has a porn addiction or just doesn’t really love me even though he reassures me he is none of these things. I just can’t let it go to the point where I wake up with ruminating thoughts that cause me to be unable to focus on work or just daily life. It causes me to resent him and be very passive aggressive…. I hate that I can’t let it go and just be happy and enjoy my relationship. It also exacerbates my anxiety issues …. Even now my brain is asking me …. Well what if it’s all true? I agree with you and hope that we will learn to be able to let it go 😕
I went out 2 years ago with some friends and I can’t remember some of the night - we went to a house party and my friends say nothing happened but I’m so afraid that I cheated on my partner and don’t remember it. It’s consuming my every minute and I can’t let it go. I was reading up on false memory ocd the other day and it triggered me into thinking what if something I imagined happening actually happened and I don’t know what to do and I’m scared that because I imagined something a certain way that if it wasn’t the same thing I imagined that it must be true
So. I was in a traumatic relationship. for a long time. it was filled with gaslighting, manipulation, abuse, cheating ect. I would OBSESS over finding out where they were, what they were doing, who they were talking too. but I couldn’t leave. I tried so hard but I never could. they would call me names, physically hurt me, throw things, break things. because I would question them all the time. but I just couldn’t leave. no matter what I knew. they would manipulate me. I fell for their childhood trauma. it’s like I lost all logic. but I also feel like I have a pretty good memory with memories. not all the way, but remembering a lot of the traumatic things. especially now that I’m no longer with them. I keep remembering things that’s happened. even from my childhood. one time way before I even started dating this person, I had an intrusive thought about a friend of mine. that was with me. and I freaked out. I thought I had acted on the intrusive thought the next day. I asked my friend for confirmation but they said nothing happened. but the memories about it feel SO REAL. so VIVID. but they swore that nothing happened and they had no idea what I was talking about. I’ve struggled with intrusive thoughts for my whole life. so fast forward to now, that ‘false memory’ from my friend randomly popped up and I started obsessing about it, and my childhood ‘memories’ that have popped up. and then I was reading an article of someone doing something horrible, and then it sounded ‘familiar’ and so then I’ve created this whole memory of me doing something similar to the article involving my partner doing it also. the memory keeps adding new things and conversations around it. when it involves an actual real memory. but it’s like it’s been twisted from what I remembered before. I also suffer from bad anxiety. I’ve stalked pictures. my search history to figure out what I was doing that say when the real event happened. and I’ve found some things but I can’t look through my texts because I got a new phone. it has been hounding me for months. MONTHS. trying to figure out if this new ‘memory’ is real or not. if it’s been fabricated by an intrusive thought from reading the article and thinking ‘what if’ or if it actually happened and because I’m no longer in this relationship it’s a ‘repressed memory’ but the thing is I have horrible horrible anxiety and I don’t think I could have gone this long knowingly that that happened without remembering it until now. because I remember a lot of the horrible things that they did. this ‘memory’ is fuzzy, but it brings me horrible anxiety when I think of it, like I feel like it happened. but I also feel like it didn’t happen. because I know I would never do anything like that. but WHAT IF I DID, because I was manipulated. idk. is this a false memory. I really need help. because it’s been debilitating. that relationship was really traumatic. and I got manipulated into a lot of things. but I wouldn’t have just went forward knowing that that happened??? there’s no way I could have just forgotten it. because before when I would think about that night it was different, until now. but what if I just made myself forget what truly happened?? I’m a pretty self aware individual, but somehow that relationship really REALLY put me into a trance somehow where I allowed things that I have no idea how I would even allow because before I met that person I would have never allowed someone to cheat on my constantly or talk to me the way they did. or allow abuse. like I don’t understand it.
How do you know the difference :( I genuinely cannot keep living in this torment. it all started with an ‘intrusive thought’ where I had like a hazy flash of something reading an article. and I remember thinking ‘what if’ and ‘what is this’ and then that intrusive thought turned into me ‘remembering’ something else. which caused me panic. then I started trying to find evidence because it contradicted what I remembered this entire time. this was last year in like september. fast forward to march this year, it came back up- but this time stronger and with more ‘details’ and what nots. and I’ve been ruminating on it since then trying to remember and connect and It’s like I’ve added all of these details. but are they real? or is this just my OCD? I just feel like if it were real I would have never been able to keep it to myself. but also what if it was so traumatic that I blocked it out? because it all makes NO sense for me to do something like that. but it also fits what I was thinking at the time. idk
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