- Date posted
- 34w ago
How do I forgive myself for past mistakes
Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for helping to relieve guilt from things I have done in my past that I don’t like that I did?
Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for helping to relieve guilt from things I have done in my past that I don’t like that I did?
If thoughts about your past actions keep coming up, it's likely that you're resisting them in some way (since you're posting on here, I'm assuming there may be some compulsions involved). I would say the first thing to do is to practice fully accepting that you did whatever you did. If thoughts and images appear that remind you of it, just allow them to be and think, "yes, that did happen." This isn't meant to torture or punish you or anything, it's an exercise that will likely reduce how often these thoughts arise. Once you fully accept what happened (which I know isn't easy), the next thing is to find the lesson in it. Any time we do something we aren't proud of, there is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Instead of wishing these things never happened, try to be thankful that you have the ability to learn from them. Some of life's best lessons are learned the hard way. Life only flows in one direction. All you can do is go forward with the best intentions you're capable of. You will make mistakes, as everyone does. Sometimes little, sometimes really big. But we are all constantly changing. If you focus on making positive changes in the present, then you are doing the right thing no matter what your past actions were.
Hi. Thanks a lot for writing this. I'm still trying to accept some bad things that happened in my life without any judgement or without pushing it away in any way. It's hard because I still end up blaming myself for things that I did do at the time and wish they didn't happen. I'm still trying to practice the mindset of "Yes, those things did happen. I'm learning from those events and I'm just trying to be better. Things are different now." It's hard not to get feelings involved.
@BigGyro09 - No problem. Yes this stuff is difficult. Guilt and shame can be extremely powerful emotions. Guilt is a helpful emotion when it is regulated, but obsessive guilt isn't good for anyone. It's a common theme with OCD because we tend to think in extremely black and white terms. It's easy to feel like any bad past actions completely negate ANY good things we've done, and that we are irreversibly "tainted." That's one of the many areas where I like to practice "yes, and" thinking. Instead of, "I've done these good things, BUT I've also done these terrible things," you change it to, "I've done these good things, AND I also did these terrible things." It's subtle, but it makes a big difference in the long run to think this way. This holds true for many different obsessions/fears: "I'm going to a party tonight, AND I feel really anxious about it." "I love and care about my daughter, AND I experience intrusive thoughts about harming her." "I strive to make positive changes in my life, AND there are many things from my past that I'm not proud of." This can bring up a lot of anxiety, as it involves accepting some aspects of our lives that we really don't like. That's where we practice the awareness of our body and our feelings. We sit with the anxiety and allow it to run its course. We don't have to fight it off or argue with it to make it go away. We learn that we CAN live our lives despite these thoughts and feelings. The more we practice this, the more we realize how gray and fuzzy life is, and the easier it becomes to move forward and accept life with all its flaws. A long time ago I heard a great analogy. That we are like trees, and past traumas and bad memories are like carvings or marks in the tree. Those carvings never really go away, but over time they become less and less defined and faded as the tree grows. So if you want something from your past to be less painful in the present, you have to keep growing. Guess I'm in the typing mood tonight, haha. Hopefully there's something helpful in there. If not, ignore me.
You now is different person than back then person. We change mentally, and physically. For God sake your body cells change every few years. Forgive him and acknowledge his mistakes, and the new you needs to move on.
I to have struggled with this very thing and for me it helps to remember that we arent perfect but we're meant to be by our heavenly father. Even he knew we can not be because that's the very reason he made the ultimate sacrifice to give his only son for our sins. Because we are not perfect and will make mistakes. So it comforts me to know that just because I did something that wasn't good or wrong or that I feel bad about doesn't make me a bad person just makes me not perfect and being not perfect is OK. This doesn't excuse anything I may have done for im still accountable but however helps me by knowing no one is perfect nor without mistakes in life.
I'm 50 and I enter a relationship with a 70 year old Godly man
18+! When I was child I was VERY hyper-sexual I’m not sure when it started. All I remember I was being very sexual with other kids at the time, I think I thought it was normal and nobody was stopping me either at the time so I had no idea I was in the wrong. I think I had to be 13 or 14 where it hit me out of nowhere that I was wrong. The floodgate of anxiety was horrible I had so much guilt it was eating me up. I had to stay home, I quit going to family gatherings, quit hanging out with new friends I’ve made, I cried a lot. Til this day I think about it everyday and the amount of guilt on my chest. If I could go back and change it all I would. I wish I could have a better understanding of me and why I was doing it. It’s the guilt and anxiety I deal with every single day. I never meant to hurt anyone.
I have made multiple mistakes in my past that lead me to believe im a bad person. thinking about them often sends me into a panic attack. i cant help but feel i need to be punished. i hate this feeling, what should i do?
Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.
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