How do I forgive myself for past mistakes

Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for helping to relieve guilt from things I have done in my past that I don’t like that I did?

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w ago

If thoughts about your past actions keep coming up, it's likely that you're resisting them in some way (since you're posting on here, I'm assuming there may be some compulsions involved). I would say the first thing to do is to practice fully accepting that you did whatever you did. If thoughts and images appear that remind you of it, just allow them to be and think, "yes, that did happen." This isn't meant to torture or punish you or anything, it's an exercise that will likely reduce how often these thoughts arise. Once you fully accept what happened (which I know isn't easy), the next thing is to find the lesson in it. Any time we do something we aren't proud of, there is an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Instead of wishing these things never happened, try to be thankful that you have the ability to learn from them. Some of life's best lessons are learned the hard way. Life only flows in one direction. All you can do is go forward with the best intentions you're capable of. You will make mistakes, as everyone does. Sometimes little, sometimes really big. But we are all constantly changing. If you focus on making positive changes in the present, then you are doing the right thing no matter what your past actions were.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 28w ago

Hi. Thanks a lot for writing this. I'm still trying to accept some bad things that happened in my life without any judgement or without pushing it away in any way. It's hard because I still end up blaming myself for things that I did do at the time and wish they didn't happen. I'm still trying to practice the mindset of "Yes, those things did happen. I'm learning from those events and I'm just trying to be better. Things are different now." It's hard not to get feelings involved.

djflorio

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 28w ago

@BigGyro09 - No problem. Yes this stuff is difficult. Guilt and shame can be extremely powerful emotions. Guilt is a helpful emotion when it is regulated, but obsessive guilt isn't good for anyone. It's a common theme with OCD because we tend to think in extremely black and white terms. It's easy to feel like any bad past actions completely negate ANY good things we've done, and that we are irreversibly "tainted." That's one of the many areas where I like to practice "yes, and" thinking. Instead of, "I've done these good things, BUT I've also done these terrible things," you change it to, "I've done these good things, AND I also did these terrible things." It's subtle, but it makes a big difference in the long run to think this way. This holds true for many different obsessions/fears: "I'm going to a party tonight, AND I feel really anxious about it." "I love and care about my daughter, AND I experience intrusive thoughts about harming her." "I strive to make positive changes in my life, AND there are many things from my past that I'm not proud of." This can bring up a lot of anxiety, as it involves accepting some aspects of our lives that we really don't like. That's where we practice the awareness of our body and our feelings. We sit with the anxiety and allow it to run its course. We don't have to fight it off or argue with it to make it go away. We learn that we CAN live our lives despite these thoughts and feelings. The more we practice this, the more we realize how gray and fuzzy life is, and the easier it becomes to move forward and accept life with all its flaws. A long time ago I heard a great analogy. That we are like trees, and past traumas and bad memories are like carvings or marks in the tree. Those carvings never really go away, but over time they become less and less defined and faded as the tree grows. So if you want something from your past to be less painful in the present, you have to keep growing. Guess I'm in the typing mood tonight, haha. Hopefully there's something helpful in there. If not, ignore me.

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 28w ago

You now is different person than back then person. We change mentally, and physically. For God sake your body cells change every few years. Forgive him and acknowledge his mistakes, and the new you needs to move on.

pammiedee3@g...

Date posted: 12w ago

I to have struggled with this very thing and for me it helps to remember that we arent perfect but we're meant to be by our heavenly father. Even he knew we can not be because that's the very reason he made the ultimate sacrifice to give his only son for our sins. Because we are not perfect and will make mistakes. So it comforts me to know that just because I did something that wasn't good or wrong or that I feel bad about doesn't make me a bad person just makes me not perfect and being not perfect is OK. This doesn't excuse anything I may have done for im still accountable but however helps me by knowing no one is perfect nor without mistakes in life.

Anonymous#1020

Date posted: 25w ago

Please don’t ignore, I need help this is rly bad.

When I was a little kid, I used to be horrible. Every time I thought an animal was too cute or something, i’d get violent, terribly violent. I regret it so much and wish I never did anything like that. It follows me in my mind and I hate it even though I was a child. Then a year or two ago, I got upset at my cat and tossed her onto the bed very quickly and hard, and pushed her down. I remember feeling like I didn’t want to hurt her but I didn’t want to let go. I cried after it happened and gave her many treats. Around the same time, my dog got me mad i just smacked her nose but I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. Idk if i was 14 or 15 at the time? I would never do anything to hurt any animal now, but why did I ever do it back then? It makes me so sick thinking about it and now I can’t STOP thinking about it. I still never wanted to hurt my cat, but she got on my last nerve at that moment and it happened multiple times and I threw her pretty fast. I can’t believe I’d ever do that. I’ve been hating myself for it ever since i started thinking about it again. I can’t forgive myself and Idk what to do. I wish I could go back in time and never do what I did. She was still only about 5 months old at that time. She means the world to me and we have a very close bond, but now I feel like I can’t love her because what I did. I feel like I can’t have friends, or anything really because I feel like I don’t deserve anything. I feel like a terrible monster and I hate that I ever did anything to a little angel that didn’t even do anything wrong. Idk how to forgive myself. I hate that I did that and I wish I never did. It still wasn’t as bad as it was when I was little, but it’s still not okay at all and I can’t go back in time and change it, so now idk what to do with myself. I feel like I don’t deserve to be around my cats babies even though I love them with all my heart. I’m 16 now and not the same ragey person as i used to be. I had a lot of anger built up from an ex that I was with at the time, but still WHY would I take it out on my beautiful cat. The more I think about it, the worst it gets, it’s sucking up all of my happiness.

Unknown1738

Date posted: 20w ago

Horrible person OCD

I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.

Self aware

Date posted: 16w ago

High anxiety and perfectionism

I have sent nudes before when I was younger and I am really struggling with the fact that I have sent them because it makes me feel like I am such a bad person and I don’t deserve certain things. I try my hardest to be a good person and do the right things but I obviously have made lots and lots of mistakes. I cannot get over these mistakes I’ve made because I judge myself so hard for them and it’s making it hard to function.

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How do I forgive myself for past mistakes

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