takingmylifeback

Date posted: 1y

Certainty

I wish I could get a brain scan or go back in time and see all of my thoughts and behaviors and know for sure if I’m straight or gay. I just want to know. I keep thinking back to when I was younger and I’ve only ever liked guys but I obviously can’t know that for certain. I can’t know if I forced that, I can’t know if maybe I had a girl crush and forgot. This is so hard and I’m so jealous of people that haven’t questioned their sexuality and just know. I just want to be certain I’m gay … at this point idc if I’m bi bc at least I would still like guys

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

takingmylife...

Date posted: 1y

@Ilovemyhusband0322. Yea the comments have been tough but maybe good to expose myself and not ruminate. Although it’s been very easy to fall down the rabbit hole & get even more intrusive thoughts

takingmylife...

Date posted: 1y

@Ilovemyhusband0322. This is so true. It’s so easy for me to see clearly for other subtypes but I wouldn’t go to them and tell them that. It’s hard too bc then I believe what they say to be my story and it brings the anxiety all the way back again

AmandaB345

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Ilovemyhusband0322. Thank you for saying this

marsmith98

Date posted: 1y

Questioning your sexuality is how you find out what it actually is!! Don’t be afraid of this process. I’m bi and I had to do a LOT of deconstructing to realize I’ve always had attraction to girls. When OCD gets involved it definitely makes it way harder though. Instead of approaching the uncertainty with fear, try to reframe with genuine curiosity. You’re just trying to know yourself better, that’s all - whatever the outcome is, you will be able to deal with it!! Stay strong 💜

takingmylife...

Date posted: 1y

@marsmith98 Yea I guess so. I just don’t want to break up with my boyfriend. I see an amazing life with him and I’m so scared to hurt him. I don’t know where I would be without him. I love liking guys and I feel like I have most of the time. There are def times I can remember where I might have stared at a girl and I’m trying to figure out why that is. I have really always pictured me with a guy but now I’m starting to think that I forced myself to think this way and I just don’t remember when. It’s so frustrating. I just want to be certain I like men so that I can stay with my boyfriend and be happy

marsmith98

Date posted: 1y

@takingmylifeback Even if you aren’t 100% straight, you can still have a happy and fulfilling relationship/life with you’re partner. But I will say that compulsory heterosexuality is definitely a thing. Not trying to feed your obsessions, but when you live in a society that glorifies straight relationships exclusively without any representation for queer relationships, it becomes a lot harder to figure out on your own. Maybe it would be a good exposure for you to watch some shows/movies that center gay relationships to sit with the uncertainty and see how you react.

takingmylife...

Date posted: 1y

@marsmith98 Yea that would be good. But I know I would ruminate and hyper-analyze every thought. Like I honestly don’t want to figure anything out I just want to be straight like I have always thought of myself bc I have never had a problem with it. I think one of my biggest obsessions currently is the fact that maybe I have always liked girls and just suppressed it so much I forgot about it. I just need to accept that this may be the case and be fine with it. It’s just so hard bc I feel like I need to figure it out right this second or else it’s unfair to my boyfriend. And if I am gay then that means I will break his heart and never see him again which is truly gut wrenching

marsmith98

Date posted: 1y

@takingmylifeback When you do any kind of exposure, you go in expecting it to be hard, because that’s literally the whole point. If you’re not ready to face these fears and you still just want to avoid, you’re not ready to heal.

AmandaB345

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Ocd is really just a big bully. I'm a straight woman and I went through an experimental phase I quickly realized that I was still straight because living as a bi-sexual or gay woman didn't feel like me. There is the key word that I hold onto when my OCD wants to try and poke me I know it doesn't feel right or fit right for me and that it doesn't make me happy. Now ocd is going to try and put thoughts in your mind and say that this could make you happy. If you think about it and you feel like it doesn't fit right or feel normal to you. “YOU” not anybody else just because someone who has so-ocd is gay or bi-sexual doesn't mean we all are going to end up like that. You got this don't let ocd take down

AmandaB345

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@AmandaB345 *you*

takingmylife...

Date posted: 1y

@AmandaB345 Thank you!!! You’re right! Other people’s stories aren’t mine. And honestly I love being straight, I love liking men and I love my boyfriend. It’s so frustrating how ocd tries to question every little thing

Elliesmith

Date posted: 24w

Is this ocd

So my whole life I’ve been heterosexual. I have got hocd so I worry I’m a lesbian when I have no reason to worry about it because im straight ( not that my ocd likes to think that tho lol! ). But there’s this thought I have, How do I know I’m 100% straight if I haven’t tried sleeping with a girl? Bear in mind I’ve NEVER WANTED TO and DONT want too. Hence why it is an INTRUSIVE thought. But the thought is so uncomfortable- I can’t seem to shift it. But i do see that THIS IS OCD & wanting to know for certain. Thats the definition of OCD. I do know that but it’s tough with the stupid doubts!!! Do you guys just live with the unknown / uncertainty. I’m so happy and love my boyfriend and only want to be with him etc. Let me say again, I DONT want to sleep with a girl nor have I ever fantasized about it. But why does ocd want 100% certainty.. I just wanna not have that weird niggling thought.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 21w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

What is happ...

Date posted: 17w

Questions… I don’t want reassurance just advice

I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Certainty

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