Obsessing over partner’s flaws

I’m really struggling right now with an obsession over my partner’s voice. It probably is slightly rooted in truth because my partner does have a more high pitched and nasally/whine to his voice, but I think I’ve become hyper aware and hyper sensitive of it. Now I keep playing over everything he says in my mind. if I think it sounded whiny or odd in some way. And I don’t know what to do. I like him a lot and I really don’t want to be obsessing about this. I don’t want it to bother or annoy me. I just want to love him for him. But everywhere I look it seems to be that people suggest others to just leave. I don’t want to do that. I just want to stop being bugged or turned off by his voice. I don’t want to obsess over it. I don’t even know if this is ROCD. I wish I could fix this.

Username: freiafreia

Date posted: 38w ago

Hey, you are not alone! I had several obsessesion/fears related to my partner. How he looks with shaving cream, sometimes how he looks in pictures. Sometimes how he smells. Focus on whatlike about your partner and realise, if these "flaws" are really srh that is important in the relationship. Also in your head be brave and don't run from situations where you might be confronted with his "flaws". You will conquer these situations, fear will go down and someday you will have less and less thoughts. For me it has also helped to think that I really love his "flaws" . I will be forever happy with this shaving cream monster. He looks so funny in that picture, I love him so much. It is normal, that you don't adore every single thing about your partner. He is also just human. But everyone has not so pretty sides. That's what I need to learn: Its not like in the movies, that your partner is always the prince on the horse who resuces you and is strong, intelligent and handsome all the time. It's just a guy. As long as he treats you right and you can see yourself with him - everything fine.

Username: NicaNica

Date posted: 38w ago

I know OCD can be very hard to deal with, but this post is seeking reassurance, which only makes things worse. Here are some helpful tools and resources to help you through this: -The Psychology of Seeking Reassurance: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle -How To Stop Rumination Video: https://youtu.be/CkcspsmLh9k?feature=shared -ERP scripting: https://www.shalanicely.com/aha-moments/erp-scripting-for-ocd/ -The Hidden Power of Swearing at Your OCD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-the-doubt/201711/the-hidden-power-of-swearing-at-your-ocd -Taking The Power Away From OCD: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/taking-the-power-away-from-intrusive-thoughts -ERP Worry Script: https://www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/WorryScript.pdf -What is ERP therapy: https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/ -What’s An OCD Trigger? https://psychcentral.com/ocd/what-is-an-ocd-trigger -Grounding Techniques: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/grounding-techniques -OCD vs. Anxiety Disorders: https://www.talkspace.com/mental-health/conditions/articles/ocd-vs-anxiety/ -ERP Techniques for Reassurance video: https://youtu.be/D1O3RGnLjRM?feature=shared

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 38w ago

@Nica Thank you for these resources. I am looking at some

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 38w ago

Do you thing ERP would be helpful in this case? I think it depends on whether the thoughts are OCD or not. But if you do ERP on this situation, this is what what it would look like: When we practice ERP, we practice allowing rights to drift by in our heads without trying to fix them or fight them. So, in your context, that would mean letting the thoughts about his voice run through your head without trying to fight them. Then, after we basically ignore the thoughts, then we have to resist any compulsions sparked by the thoughts. This means that you would do nothing about the thoughts. You don’t change your behavior. You just keep on going as if the thoughts had never been there. You don’t leave him. Something to think about…

Username: monica<3

Date posted: 25w ago

ocd is controlling my life

hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

Anyone else drowning lately ?

I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 22w ago

Guilt ocd

Idk if it’s ocd or not. But I’m feeling so guilty for thinking this. It’s bothered me since I started dating my bf. We been together 9 months now and he’s 5’8 and I’m 5’0. I understand how shallow and stupid it is to care about height. As every guy I spoke to has been about 5’8-5’10 idk why I care. It’s been bothering me how much I care about it. I’m in love with him so much but it isn’t getting out of my head how “I wish he was a little taller” I don’t want him to be 6’ or anything but even a bit taller. He’s also just smaller too and I feel so damn bad saying this and thinking it. He knew I felt this way in the beginning cuz someone told me and I told him it’s not how I felt now and I grew to love him so much so idc and it is true I don’t care he’s taller than me so who cares? And he’s the best person I’ve ever met and I don’t ever want to lose him. I have never ever felt this way for anyone ever I want to marry this man but I can’t stop fucking thinking this and it’s causing me so much guilt I don’t know what to do

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Obsessing over partner’s flaws

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