Does anyone else feel completely consumed and controlled by their OCD? I have constant fear, panic, and anxiety now 24/7 around contamination OCD. I have tried ERP, but it feels like it doesn’t help with the daily issues I am having. It feels like I can barely get through the day.
Yes,just finished intense ERP therapy also some ocd exercises help but like you said sometimes seems like when iam triggered I loose all my progress and need to fall back on my meds but practice small exposure have gotten chips off the ocd compulsions
I feel this way. I am having very bad contamination triggers tonight, but I am brand new to ERP so I still don’t fully understand how to stay with the discomfort or prevent myself from doing the mental compulsions. What I am noticing though is that underneath all the fear and anxiety is what feels like a lot of sadness. I’m so frustrated and tired of my life being limited by something I know is irrational and unhelpful. I don’t want to be like this.
@Anonymous here I understand it intellectually, I just don’t quite know how to implement it. I think I frequently don’t even realize I’m doing compulsions when they’re internal/mental. I am learning, though. Thank you for taking the time to explain in your example.
@Anonymous here Thank you! I’m just starting ERP therapy, so I’m really hoping it will help, but I’m bookmarking all these other resources as well for extra info and support.
@Anonymous here Yes! I just started, I’ve done two sessions so far.
@aestas I feel exactly the same. I can’t stop the mental compulsions, and it’s so consuming and frustrating. I feel like my brain is going nonstop.
@Alexssa Same here. I also have ADHD, so my brain really does go nonstop! It’s exhausting! I’ve been having really bad health and contamination triggers this week, and just yesterday I started experimenting with just kind of responding like “okay” to the intrusive thoughts. And then trying to keep doing whatever I’m doing, even if I feel terrible. I’m not ignoring the thoughts, I’m just trying very hard not to engage with them. I think it’s helping? If I catch myself ruminating (which I do constantly) I try to do the same thing, just acknowledge the thought and be like, okay. For example, if the intrusive thought is “what if I’m getting sick?” then I tell the thought, okay, maybe I am. And try to keep doing whatever I was doing. And then I start to ruminate (without meaning to, it feels so automatic), so maybe I think “my throat feels weird, is it sore?” So I do it again and tell myself, okay, maybe it is. And don’t let myself dwell on trying to check if it feels sore. Then I feel chills, so I’m like, okay, that sucks, that feels really unpleasant and scary and I don’t like it, but okay. I have chills. And then try to get on with whatever I was doing. And just like…repeat this process as often as I need to, which is a lot right now. I am definitely not giving advice because I’m very new to this and I don’t know if I’m doing it right, but I am desperate for anything that’s going to help because it’s felt like this monster has completely taken over my brain and my life and I hate it. I do notice that it feels like the thoughts slowly start to lose power when I treat them this way. This is pretty much the exact opposite of what I am used to doing, which is a lot of checking, ruminating, reassurance seeking, etc. I didn’t know those things were compulsions. I had never even heard of mental compulsions until like a month ago. I didn’t know I had OCD. But I’ve been doing these behaviors for a long, long time.
@aestas No, this all really helps to know I’m not the only one! Thanks for sharing and for the advice. I will try my best to implement it! 🙏🏼
What I have been trying to do with my e RP. Is take small steps from my rituals I don't know if you are still wearing mask because of covid but I was religiously So my 1st step tgar helped was stop wearing the mask fully vexed also but after awhile I didn't feel the fear of the contamination then I stoped wiping my groceries with alcohol wipes now my new Challenge is to not wipe my doors with alcohol wipes but yes still letting myself wipe my cellphone and glasses and wait for that to stop being a automatic process or ritual and it helps my therapist says that after a while that new learned behavior will un learn and hopefully go be less automatic and I still have the thoughts of doing it but it less and less the more I don't do the automatic ritual I learned to do because of THE OCD
@Nightowl44 I am right there with you with the wiping everything down. I’m not sure how to eventually stop though. I am new to erp, but I just feel like I’m never going to get to a place where I’m okay with maybe getting sick or contaminated. 😩😭
@Alexssa @alexssa It so exhausting too thinking does it ever stop even if like tonight just got home skipped the wiping door handles but bumped into the door handle with my arm that I didn't wipe then sit hit thinking I need to wash my arm because I didn't wipe it clean ugg and the continuing thought that when do I get to let my kittens run all over and play there getting older and feel guilty there not sitting on me or my couch like they want to and then the biggest depressing part maybe I should rehome them because maybe they be more happy with someone without the OCD problem but I love them so much and they love me I can tell because I sit down on the couch and the run to be with me it makes me so sad 😞
@Nightowl44 I have that problem with our dogs. I don’t like when they bump into me or rub against my legs because I feel like they’re contaminated. I hope someday I won’t feel that way. And I do that too whenever I bump into anything. I feel dirty and like I have to change or wash it.
Same happening with me
@Meenakshi Has there been anything that’s helpful for you when you’re feeling awful and panicked?
Medication 🥲! It's all that helps for me
@lauren zuckerman smith Mine has worked for a year and now that I am so stressed it’s stopped working
hey everyone. i’m not sure if this app will help me or not, but i feel the need to try anything because i can’t keep living like this. i struggle with obsessing over everything in my life. it feels like everyday my brain picks a new thing in my life to obsess over. for the past couple days ive been obsessing over my interpersonal relationships. for example; “do i like the people im with” “do i like my friends as more than just friends” “do i actually love these people or am i lying to everyone”. it’s been really messing with me and making me question my support system. i can’t stop stressing. i’m even afraid to talk about it with my therapist because i have those thoughts about her too. i’m new to my OCD diagnosis (got diagnosed last month) i was hospitalized for a week because i couldn’t function. i also obsess over my sexuality and nothing i pick for me ever feels quite right. i recently started a relationship with someone who’s trans, so maybe that’s why? does anyone else go through this? my brain tries to convince me that i do this to myself and that im making it all up. but who would want to feel this way? uggghhh
Hi All - This is my first time posting on this app. I am 29 and have been dealing with OCD since I was 10. I managed my OCD well from ages 10-18 due to many reasons (I’ll keep this short). At 18, when my OCD was in one of its worst forms, I went to a residential program to get better. However, I only got a small percent better. I carried on with my severe and extremely debilitating OCD. Somehow, I graduated college with honors, maintained a social life, and had a great relationship with my girlfriend. Not long though, from the ages of 18-25, my OCD got worse and worse over time. I was never fully committed to ERP therapy (only in residential and with two or three of the countless therapists I saw over my life). It was then at age 26, my therapist, parents, and girlfriend demanded I need to take time off my master’s program and go into a virtual intensive outpatient program. My relationship of 5 years was on the line. Unfortunately, I did not try hard enough and the IOP only helped so much, due to my inconsistent work. My girlfriend at the time left me, causing a huge scar that I am not over. This was two years ago in 2022… Fast forward after that, I have done more intense therapy and my second trial of a residential program in March of this year. I felt I also did make gains, but right when I came out in May, the compulsions came right back. I feel hopeless and helpless in my life. My parents don’t know what to do with me. All my friends and acquaintances are moving on with their life while I’m 29, have no job, am just getting back to grad school with extreme difficulty, have small hobbies/activity/stimulation due to OCD avoidance, and lastly, crippling OCD. I don’t know who I am anymore and don’t know why I haven’t had the strength to pull myself out of this 11 year OCD prison. It’s eating at me alive and I know people have said they felt similarly to hopeless and helplessness, but I don’t…unfortunately.
I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.
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