Anyone else suffering from guilt and shame from sexual things they did as a kid when they didn’t know any better. And if so how do you cope with it I really need help thx
By learning a lot of it is normal and you shouldn’t blame yourself because you were a kid who didn’t know better. I was shocked to hear people I consider to be really evolved and kind tell me they had experiences like this and had to work on forgiving themselves for not knowing better too. My goal is not only to forgive but break the cycle
Yea. At first I didn’t even realize that it could be related to OCD. Mind you I am undiagnosed but I’ve had a fairly consistent pattern of OCD behaviours. And I deal with this theme on and off and every time it comes back it is so debilitating. It feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Realizing that a lot of it is common behaviour helped a bit. It still comes and goes but knowing that other people struggle too makes me feel not alone.
This thread alone is enough to show how common it is. You’re okay. Your brain wasn’t developed, you didn’t know and it is the past. Let it be there and be in the today.
Regardless of nature, you to learn to understand that you were just a kid, and kids know nothing, and have extremely underdeveloped brains. For example consider that There’s a reason legal systems don’t punish kids and adults the same for the same crime. Kids are dumb.
Same
Real events OCD is so hard :( Self love/compassion practice can be helpful. ❤️ learning to forgive yourself is so important. I am also currently struggling
When i was between the ages of 11-18 i was a very mentally ill and hyper sexual kid. I did a lot pf sexting, sent nudes, and even one video of me doing inappropriate things that haunt me to this day. I have changed a lot since then and realized that this was all jn relation to (TW!!) sexual abuse i experienced as a child/teen. I still feel horrible for the things that I have done and think about this daily. I beat myself up because I know it was wrong of me to act that way growing up. Im afraid that someone will find these texts/pictures/videos one day and it will lead to my complete humiliation. I want to throw up at the thought of people i know and love seeing me act that. Its not who I am or who I ever was. I regret that part of my life so deeply it hurts.
Sorry if this is a bit of an odd post, but I’m wondering if there are any girls out there that have specifically struggled with shame around watching porn? A lot of my real-event ocd stems from watching that kind of content in the past, and for some reason it feels particularly taboo as a woman. As a young teen, I saw some genuinely disturbing things, and I think a lot of that was to do with having unrestricted access to the internet. However, despite lots of people telling me “that’s normal teen curiosity” it just never feels like it applies to me, and that I’m genuinely just a sexual deviant. I think because that kind of content is so graphic and overstimulating it’s really stuck in my brain, and I just wish I could turn back the clock and switch off the computer. I’ve recently been struggling with doing typical ‘girly’ stuff because I feel tainted and gross, and I just want to get back to feeling myself again.
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
