- Date posted
- 1y
I’m new here
Why do I feel I raped someone intoxicated, I’ve felt fear and guilt for months it seems real, Could you suggest what I do next please
Why do I feel I raped someone intoxicated, I’ve felt fear and guilt for months it seems real, Could you suggest what I do next please
i also have this false memory/real event. it's flaring at the moment. but we have to sit with the uncertainty and it's so hard because it feels so urgent/horrible
@scarecrowman571 It’s awful isn’t it, but mine genuinely feels more real than not, is yours the same ?
@ Anonymous yes, feels 100% real. it's so tough, sending love 🩵
@scarecrowman571 How did you know yours was OCD, because I genuinely don’t think mine is? This is awful but I’m glad I’m not alone, sending love
@ Anonymous i don't know and we don't get to know. it might be or it might not be. we have to sit with the uncertainty. ocd = intolerance of uncertainty so to alleviate the symptoms we show, we just have to embrace the unknown. it's TOUGH
@scarecrowman571 Why do I feel like I’m remembering it or I’m not telling the truth, do you experience this too?
@ Anonymous yes, all the time. but it's less intense when we sit with uncertainty
@scarecrowman571 Thankyou, are you from the UK ?
@ Anonymous i am :)
@scarecrowman571 How did u go about therapy I’ve been waiting ages through the NHS
@ Anonymous ive gone through NOCD... its more affordable for the first 8 weeks at least (£30 a session)
@scarecrowman571 How did you get it that cheap? I swear they quoted me £110 a session
@ Anonymous i got a first timers' discount for the first 8 weeks
@scarecrowman571 Oh I think I’ll have to try that, because I’m not getting any better
@scarecrowman571 How did you get first timers’ discount I can’t find it any where and how did u go about it please?
@ Anonymous i booked the free 15 minute call and it was offered to me :)
@scarecrowman571 Thankyou, could you share some light on your story because I feel so alone
@ Anonymous yes of course. i started having sex with somebody when i was drunk and nothing seemed wrong at the time but the next morning i couldn't remember everything and questioned whether i had consent. i can't reach out to this person as i didn't know them. maybe i raped them, maybe i didn't. im living with that uncertainty, hard as it is. and im living towards my values - what make me the best version of me :)
@scarecrowman571 Oh I could imagine that became horrendous but your looking at ways of getting better, how did you feel the next couple of days ? And how long after it did you eventually speak out about it
@ Anonymous it was awful... i was actually OK after the initial flare but a year later it got wayyy worse and im still working on recovery. but ERP works - you just have to keep on top of it
@scarecrowman571 @scarecrowman571 Look mines a totally different story to yours, I walked home drunk and I’m worried I done something to a random female when walking home, since the next afternoon I’ve struggled ever since, when you believe you may of raped someone your life changes you become fearful of everything and for me life has never been the same, I’ve looked at videos and pictures before that night and think how happy I was before it and ever since that night I look at it like I haven’t been truly happy since that at all, I wake up I don’t want to be here unless I own up to it and pay the price, what caused your flare up do you know or was it just randomly?
@ Anonymous giving into compulsions without knowing i was doing it. started with confessing then googling, reassurance seeking, mental review, rumination, self punishment - you name it. you have to quit these and starve the OCD
@scarecrowman571 Oh right similar compulsion glad we found eachother on this app haha, you’ve helped me massively
@ Anonymous glad to have helped! you are not alone - make sure to see an ERP therapist if you can. recovery is very much possible!! :)
@scarecrowman571 I’ll try, did you feel like you was going to get judged when you spoke out I thought I was an absolute creep
@ Anonymous yes 100% but the therapists have heard it all before :)
@scarecrowman571 Okay I will try, I had a therapist soon but wasn’t for me, how you doing now or do you constantly think about it
@ Anonymous not constantly mainly when i get triggered. but then it's all about response prevention- the thoughts are not the problem, our reactions to them are
@scarecrowman571 I think about mine constantly it’s like hell
@scarecrowman571 I feel I should be in prison
@ Anonymous ERP will help with that
@scarecrowman571 Okay thankyou
Drunk false memories are the absolute worst I’m struggling with a really sticky one right now. Best advice is do nothing , the more attention you give it and the more you ruminate the more your mind fills in the blanks with real and false details making it feel absolutely convincing. So best thing to do in short is nothing. I know it’s hard
@LillyX They are 100% the worst, what’s your theme etc if you don’t mind me asking? I genuinely believe I done mine what shall I do please?
I have a fear that i intentionally put a thought of my baby girl in my head during sex.. i dont know what happened anymore, was that intrusive, what happened at all, i just cant remember, everything is fuzzy... Only thing i know for sure is that i dont feel anything sexual towards my daughter and that is the only thing im certain of... Anyone had similiar experience and what has helped you move on? Im stuck with this terrible feelings for 5 days now..
i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.
Huge tw I’m so scared I’m a r*pist people have told me I am. I wanted to lose my virginity when I was 19 I felt embarrassed and ashamed I hadn’t. I decided to get drunk and find someone in a club to lose it to. I don’t remember much other than I was happy it was finally happening and remember thinking my plan had worked. I was told by friends that the other person was drunk and possibly on drugs. I must be a r*pist as I knew what I was doing and instigated it, I took advantage and used someone. I feel sick and don’t deserve to move on I can’t even apologies as it was a complete stranger what if they’re living with trauma because of me.
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