Any advice on how not to obsess about friendships?

I would hardly call this ocd, more anxiety and social insecurity, but I guess this would fall under relationship ocd. I'm starting to make more friends online and in real life, which is great. It feels amazing to try new things But I typically run out of things to say at some point, and tend to obsess over the silence and delayed responses. I wanna get better at coming up with new stuff to say. If the other person doesn't wanna talk, I totally get and understand that. I just don't want to get so anxious and overthink every little thing, even if the friendship is going well. At the end of the day, I know I could always talk to someone new. Does anyone else relate, and how do you handle this anxiety?

Relationship OCD

Jhans2025

Date posted: 2d

My suggestion would be to read a book or two on how to do small talk. But more importantly, there's some cool items out there for this exact type of thing. I saw some flashcards for sale on Facebook where each card has a conversation starting question that you could use whenever you wanted. It even had different levels of intimacy. Did you just meet this person? Or have you known them for years? Pick a question for that scenario. You don't need to buy an item though. I guarantee you can get great tips from AI and similar conversation starters. Get a huge list and memorize some of them for your back pocket. Often people like talking about themselves, so asking things about them is a pretty easy way to start. What's a book, movie, or video game you found interesting lately? Stuff like that. As far as the anxiety goes, I'll let someone else answer. 😁

Jhans2025

Date posted: 15h

As far as online relationships go, unless you know them in person, they are very often I'll talk to you when we have something to talk about, and silence when we don't. It's not like a normal friendship where you reach out just to say hi. And if you do want an online friendship to move into that more established relationship where you just say hi because you care about them, you'll need to establish what's their intention. For one, you can keep reaching out consistently to say hi, or thinking of you! If you do not get consistent replies that aren't just one word answers, this person might not think of you the same way. You might just be a random stranger who they had a couple good conversations with and have no desire to make a more meaningful connection. I would also advise more voice chats, or even video chats if possible. Adding a voice and a face will go a long way in making them think of you more often naturally. Even if you don't talk about anything serious, hearing their voice changes the dynamic. I remember most people I've voice chat with on discord. I don't remember most people I've only texted with on discord.

Trust the Pr...

Date posted: 9h

@ Jhans2025 You make really valid points, actually. That's exactly type of relationship I have with one of my new friends, where we only really talk about 1 or 2 subjects and not at all the rest of the day or week You're right about the voice messages, too. Thanks for that

RoseG

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

Yes! I have struggled with this. You are not alone. Sometimes I will set a timer before I let myself check my phone for responses. Just practicing resisting compulsions adds up over time. Silence and bad communication is the number one way to tilt my world off it's axis. I feel you.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond