Maybe, maybe not. But it's okay to feel UPSET.

This is for anyone for any subtype.. Just because the main objective of OCD is uncertainty and feeling comfortable of the uncomfortable unknown, that doesn't mean you can't still feel afraid. Starting with my personal worst, if you're struggling with taboo or problematic Subtypes, as well as Real Events, it's okay to feel scared out of your mind. Taboo Subtypes can get quickly disturbing and Real Events aren't fictional. NO average person would voluntarily choose to have those thoughts in their mind or get constantly reminded of things they might've done/DID do. By that, I'm talking about all ranges, from minor to more serious cases; Digital Footprint, sexual, physical actions, offensive sayings, embarrassing and cringe moments, etc etc... Whatever you've done, there are many people who have done things they shouldn't have and haven't thought about it since. My close people have done things that are deemed problematic, as well as peers I've known, and they don't think about it! They don't, but we do and even I freak out for my loved ones, I freak out for what may happen to all of us. But I mostly fear for/of myself, I believe I'm the most horrible one and it's maybe due to OCD, or it's maybe due to other reasons. Who knows. (A phrase that I really liked from when I watched a video from Chrissie Hodges was: "You don't have to accept the event or what you may have done, but try to accept the idea of moving on." I may have butchered it a little, but you get the jist. : )) "Well... I struggle with Health OCD, Contamination OCD, Symmetry OCD, etc and it's all irrational, I'm just not sure why I'm still so afraid and uncomfortable." This disorder is really complex, and I can assume that if we all listed our own Subtypes to each other, some would say "Oh that's not something I'm really struggling with, that's easier to handle compared to what I'm going through", while others would say "What? No, that subtype that (_) is dealing with is the worst of the worst. I can't deal with it any longer!!" And similar things. That shows how really manipulative and diverse this disorder is. To also mention, WHATEVER subtype any of you guys are greatly suffering with, it could range from well known to less, I can assure that I have likely had experiences with the subtype or even had a giant phase of it. You AREN'T alone. And I mean it, it all began at 8 years old and I wasn't prepared. I'll likely continue to mention it, but as a little girl who had to figure it all out on her own as well as do individual research and actions up to this current moment, I'm not lying when I say I have done some UNHINGED things caused by OCD itself. My first subtype was related to harm and morbid things, I went through some crazy fears accompanied with more common but equally scary subtypes, and all my life I have just thought and experienced all sorts of crazy themes, some which still stick today. There was so much trial and error within learning what this all even means, it's impossible to even section my experiences, my thoughts, and everything into simple sections. I'm still unsure on certain things to this day, and I'm obviously willing to learn. It's so messy and scary; OCD is more than just an anxiety disorder. Try to work on the uncertainty and fight for it, however also allow yourself to feel upset and express that pain. This disorder shouldn't feel fun, nor should you feel that you have to constantly stay strong 24/7. I haven't gotten better yet, I'm still farrrr from that level and I'm unsure how long it will take. Maybe in a few more years, maybe in my late 30's.. who knows. Honestly, in a sense I am kinda glad I have OCD. I may experience psychological torment daily, but it's at the expense of getting to meet this community and helping others. You don't have to feel the same way, we're all different. (You are doing great. 💜)