Does anyone have similar existential ocd thoughts?

hi guys, I am 14M and am new to this app. I was diagnosed with ocd a few months ago, and I have been suffering with existential ocd for a while. All in all, am really scared of it not being nothingness after death. I apologize for how long this is, so feel free to skim through it. My newest fear is that once you die, you go into the next available life over and over and over forever (this is something called generic subjective continuity, or GSC) and my brain keeps making horrible fears on how horrible the next lives can be, and because the universe is most likley infinite, there’s infinite copies of me and infinite variations (some where I’m being tortured in gruesome and horrible ways), and after infinity if general subjevtive continuity is real, I’ll have to experience all of those horrible versions of my life, alongside horrible versions of other lives as other organisms, animals, people, etc. Google keeps saying GSC is likelier than oblivion for my POV, so all of my fears feel like certainties. I feel like fiction/horror is ruined since I’ll subjectively experience every horror movie in GSC too. My brain keeps generating horrible, really gruesome and disturbing scenarios knowing GSC is liklier than oblivion and I’ll have to subjectively experience it possibly. Like fishing (something I loved before all of this), and just killing bugs seems impossible because “what if the next available life is in a parallel universe as the bug that I killed”? It imagines how horrible the next lives will be, and how horrible the variations will be, since it’s eternal. I know this probably sounds really dumb, but I’ve googled for 4+ hours a day. I’m really wondering if anyone else has similar fears, or fears regarding infinity/a multiverse. It feels 100% real unless I disprove it 100%. I spiral on “likelihood/probabilities” on my fears and desperately try to prove my fears as less likely than oblivion. GSC on its own makes the egg theory (living as everything and everyone, ever in every possible variation.) real indirectly, which is another huge fear. Before my ocd flared up, I’ve never (not once) thought about stuff like this. If you asked me this a year ago, I would laugh it off as not real. It feels so real now. I’m just looking for people who have something similar/a similar experience.

FallFell

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22h

I've had similar thoughts, where I'm worried I'll be reincarnated as another person and their life is just terrible. Or, I'll be reincarnated but not have the same people in my life anymore. If our theories are true, and reincarnation does happen, then we won't know. We won't know about our past lives, or have any knowledge of our future. When I was your age (24 now), I always thought "I could be on my 50th life and I'd have no idea". I hope that brings some comfort. As frustrating and devastating as it is, we do not know wh. at happens after death. If it's nothing, or reincarnation, we don't know, but we also won't have any memories of these fears.

maxwithocd

Date posted: 18h

@FallFell Thank you for your response, it’s just so scary because my brain keeps making intrusive thoughts and imagining how horrible the next lives can/will be, and then I try to disprove it for hours lol. That does kind of bring me some comfort, and I appreciate it. Thank you.

Gracey

Date posted: 22h

Hello, the fear after death is common, but of course here comes OCD to make it worse. I am a seventh day Adventist, so I believe there is a god, so I don’t believe in the egg theory. But I do have doubts that make me spiral about what is real and not real, and if god is real. It made me look into the bible for hours just like you did on your theory. For my OCD, i have an issue with having to be 100% knowing of something for my ocd to not go crazy. But with any type of religion and or thoughts of afterlife, that is hard. It helped me to sit down and accept that I don’t know fully what’s going to happen after death, but I have an foundation in my religion. And if I live my whole life and I die and I was incorrect, at least I lived my life in what I believe is good. I hope your able to get through this, I wish you luck!

maxwithocd

Date posted: 22h

@Gracey Thank you!

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