I can't move on !

My middle school relationship has been haunting me for years, idk how to move on. : ( It wasn't a typical "cringey/bad teen" middle school relationship. Like, it messed up my reputation and it almost ruined my relationship with my family, people also say my development seems messed up because of it. Was a year younger than me so I feel like it's all my fault, but I was cohearsed into the relationship and it's done so much to some subtypes of mine and overall I keep having nightmares of it. I also talked to a past classmate who's an acquaintance again with me during art class about it, they don't like that kid to the point they and a few others can't say the full name anymore. And it seems like it'd calm me down but it just still lingers and I don't know.. I think what gets me most is that no one really knows as well as if they do know is people who doesn't like me or just isn't taken seriously whatsoever. I wish I could just talk to an adult about it, I have my close friend who's a year younger, and they're good listener but they've heard about it 100 times and my older sister just gets really upset hearing about it. (And for those who are struggling with the idea of being horrible for accidentally causing harm to another.. this is very different I can assure. It was ongoing for 4 years or so and there was no change of behavior.)

Real Events OCD

GrrrMondays

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey, I hope you're doing alright. I just wanted to say that this post really resonates with me. Although my experience is much different to yours I also know what it's like to regret things from when you were a child. Please just know that you're not alone, your OCD is making you feel worse about it as, I can imagine, it's not a reflection of you now. I don't want to reassure you too much as that was one of my main problems when I first thought I had OCD, so instead I would recommend that you just try to live in the moment. Your OCD wants you to change the past and that's something that just isn't possible. I don't think you're a bad person and I hope that you realise by not engaging with these thoughts when they appear that you can realise that too. Please take care of yourself and try and have a good rest of your day/night! I hope this was helpful

GrrrMondays

Date posted: Yesterday

@VVbee I'm so sorry that you went through that. I just honestly hope that you can start doing better now. Again, I really hope that you're able to one day feel free from what OCD makes us latch on to, even though I know that won't be easy. Im not the best at this sort of thing as you can probably tell so all I can really say is I hope you can enjoy the rest of the day and I hope it gets easier

VVbee

Date posted: Yesterday

@GrrrMondays Sorry I deleted the message on accident, but thank you so much. : ) I don't think I've fully healed from it today as you can tell, but I'm hopeful that it'll one day be less painful. Just your kind words is appreciated, and I'm really grateful. 🫂💜

GrrrMondays

Date posted: Yesterday

@VVbee It's fine don't worry! Hopefully it does become less painful for you 🙏

VVbee

Date posted: Yesterday

(Deleted message in case if anyone else is reading this post and needs more context.) First of all, thank you for responding! I'm glad to have someone acknowledge this.. I appreciate this. Although normally with my Real Events, it involves I myself feeling like a monster for doing wrong actions as well as being ignorant and just overall just feeling iredeemable.. with this I should've just taken away the Real Event category, since I'm not so sure whether if it is REOCD or servere trauma. (I thought about it more, and it's DEFINITELY!! Real Event OCD since it also then connects to other things and OCD just does it's thing. But it's also trauma at the same time.) The relationship is moreso me having nightmares of the person since it also involved a lot of (TW) cohearsion, touching without permission + a bit farther (if you know what I mean, and those actions were done towards me which made me feel unhealthy towards my autonomy), parents of the kid at the time was also not the best and said questionable things, and etc.. what I said is not really the best explanation and not the full truth since the entire thing is so complex, at least for me. And not too long ago the person wanted to reconnect and apologize, but then turned it into something so little and forgettable and it hurts. :^( Especially with how I responded to it as well as since that's how my situation is taken by many others. I will try to live in the present, I'm trying to learn to regain trust and such but it's hard. I'm learning to let this past relationship stay as the past, but it won't leave me. Once again, thank you so much for responding!

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