I’m worried

My boyfriend is currently grounded, so he cannot text or call me. Because I’m waiting for him, I started getting thoughts like, “What if I get tired of waiting for him and leave him?” and “Do I even want to wait for him?” Sometimes these thoughts come with a heavy or serious feeling that makes them feel very real. I then question whether the thought reflects what I actually want. Even though in the past I’ll wait him for weeks when’s he grounded. I also noticed thoughts about my boyfriend not being curious enough about me or not putting enough effort into gifts ( idk if this is me being sad because the time of the month is coming ). I was feeling annoyed because I wanted him to notice things about me and sometimes get me something. My brain then produced thoughts like, “He sucks” or “He’s ugly,” and when I intentionally leaned into the thought, it felt like I actually wanted to say it. Then I questioned, “Is that how I really think about him?” Even though I also remembered things he has done for me, like getting me boba and McDonald’s breakfast, I found myself focusing on what he hasn’t done. I also had intrusive thoughts involving other people. I imagined playing Roblox with my sister’s friends, and my brain suddenly turned it into, “You want them instead of your boyfriend” and “You’ll break up with your boyfriend to be with them.” I questioned why I would think that?!??Another thing that happened was that I was looking for “soulmate” signs between me and my boyfriend. I noticed our birthdays are reversed (01/09 and 09/01), and we have a funny coincidence involving moles that can look like an elephant when we squeeze the skin between them. Then my brain started asking whether my boyfriend could actually be someone else’s soulmate and whether I am only temporarily “filling the spot.” I had a strong feeling that this possibility might be real, even though I don’t actually know that. Are those soulmates coincidence even real? I hate these thoughts so much