How to cope with obsessions about regret and decision paralysis

My OCD has returned with a vengeance. I am going through a major transition at work. A new leader is coming in so many people are leaving that I am friends with and rely on. I have been trying to find a new job for almost 2 years and have been training as a doula for a year. I am obsessed with thoughts about what I could have done differently to not be in this situation, regretting not doing my job search differently, and deep depression about losing my routine and friends at work. I can’t stop thinking about what to do next if I should stay in my career that I worked so hard for but am not finding the success I wanted or commit to the transition of being a doula which is a new and exciting but uncertain path. I am crying all day, constantly trying to find answers that are impossible by reassurance seeking, and instead of helping myself wasting endless hours trying to “solve” what went wrong and what to do next. I felt like I was doing okay and then my co worker quit and I am having a massive OCD melt down. A just had a falling out with a close friend and so I’m all around not doing well. How would you cope with this? What are your strategies with overcoming doubt and indecision? Where do you find ways to give yourself stability in unstable situations? I was so proud of all of the progress I made with OCD over the last few years and feel like I lost it all at once. Really appreciate any insights!

"Pure" OCD

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.

Rosie1015

Date posted: Yesterday

Yes

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: Yesterday

@Rosie1015 - Happy to share! One thing worth naming first: the hours you're spending trying to "solve" what went wrong and figure out the right next move are compulsions, not problem-solving. Regret and decision-making are just the content this time — the mechanism is the same rumination and reassurance-seeking you've worked on before, which is also why it feels endless. Real decisions get made with incomplete information; OCD is demanding a level of certainty about your career that no amount of mental review can produce. "Five ways OCD can impact decision-making" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-ocd-can-impact-decision-making Clinically reviewed by Tracie Ibrahim, this one covers exactly what you described — distrusting your own intuition on a career change, and how research, rumination, and reassurance-seeking stall the choice rather than clarify it. "5 strategies for breaking the cycle of rumination" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/5-strategies-for-breaking-the-cycle-of-rumination Stacy Quick, LPC, breaks down why rumination disguises itself as problem-solving and gives concrete strategies for what to do when you catch yourself replaying what you could have done differently. "OCD Flare-ups: What Causes Them & How Long They Last" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-to-do-when-ocd-is-triggered Written by Dr. Keara Valentine, this addresses the "I lost all my progress" fear directly — a flare-up triggered by major life stress is a temporary increase in symptoms, not an erasure of the years of work you've done. Are you working with a therapist who specializes in OCD specifically, or more of a general therapist? 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!

Rosie1015

Date posted: Yesterday

@Community AI Helper - Are there also resources for dwelling on change? For example I intensely fear missing my I workers/ friends and not being able to cope without them. I overall am scared of making a new routine and not knowing what that looks like.

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