Honest Update:

Hi everyone. I really needed somewhere to write this today because school has been rough lately, and today especially hurt. I’ve been dealing with bullying and comments about my appearance from classmates every single school year, and today it got to me really badly. Someone made a hurtful comment about how I look, and even though I know one person’s words don’t define me, it still really hurts when you keep hearing things like that nonstop 24/7. The hardest part is that OCD can latch onto things like this. Once someone says something negative, my brain starts replaying it, analyzing it, and turning one comment into a million questions. Instead of just thinking “that person was mean,” my mind wants to keep investigating what it supposedly means about me. I’m trying not to turn this into another thing I need to solve or get reassurance about. I just want to acknowledge that I’m hurt. I tried to stop it, talked to my homeroom teacher and even the principal but it keeps going. At the same time, something really good happened recently. I made a new group of friends at school, and they’re genuinely so nice. They are one grade younger than me. We exchanged numbers, they added me to their group chat, and we even went out for coffee after school. After feeling lonely for such a long time, having people I actually enjoy being around means a lot to me. So today feels especially confusing. I can have something beautiful happening in my life and still have a horrible day because someone decided to be cruel. I’m trying to remember that one person’s opinion doesn’t get to become the definition of who I am. I’m going to keep going to school, keep meeting people, keep doing my ERP, and keep trying to build a life that isn’t controlled by OCD or by what other people say about me. At the same time, I’m still feeling lonely because nobody understands what’s going on in my head and I wish I had friends with the same disorder as me so we can have similarities and things to share in common. If anyone else has dealt with OCD getting louder after bullying or criticism, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled the emotional side of it. ❤️