Thank you/ My story (long winded)

Hello everyone, I first want to start off by saying thank you! Thank you for having the courage to talk about your struggles on here, thank you for helping me not feel so alone during this difficult time, and thank you for being you. if it weren't for all of you id feel so alone it wouldn't be funny. I first got diagnosed with OCD about 4 months ago and they suspect I've had it for a lot longer than that. Growing up I was always known as a worry bug and the kid who was afraid to do anything wrong. Id ruminate over things for hours upon hours and never say a word because I just thought that's how everyone was. I have had a lot of traumas in my life along with every ACE except for incarcerated household member. My story primarily starts about 2 years ago when someone who I had hung out with a lot after high school was caught with CP. I was so angry and mad and vowed to protect everyone I ever met from people like him. (He bullied me relentlessly but not to feel alone I hung out with the friend group yet even though everyone just let him do it to me) I started telling everyone I knew about him due to who he was and how he treated me. I also ruminated a lot on how I could have hung out with someone like that without ever knowing that's the kind of person he was behind closed doors. One day I was talking with my new coworkers about him to warn them if they ever see him to stay away from him. (I have a lot of hate for this person due to the things he has done to me in the past) While I was talking though about a person that had come into work one day i had called them a girl, and my coworker looked at me weird. (I think she was just daydreaming or something now but in the moment, it made me feel weird) Later that week I ended up going on vacation with my dad. While we were on vacation, I started talking to him about how I felt really bad about this and how I felt like a bad person for hanging out with that person. My dad ended up saying "Son, you can't think about this stuff to deeply otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy." Which caused me to think more about am I crazy? Did this drive me crazy? Why do I keep thinking about this and worrying about what makes a person do that? And then bam while we were out getting Ice cream I had my first intrusive thought of this type. I immediately said OMG OMG OMG OMG, Im him OMG IM HIM, IM GOING TO TURN INTO HIM, I CANT DO THIS, I HAVE TO UNALIVE, I CANT BE LIKE HIM, I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM. I then started thinking of every way I could unalive so I wouldn't turn into him. I got back from my trip and decided to tell my partner about how I was afraid I was turning into him. She was so utterly confused because I have been nothing but nice, kind, and joy spreading to all the children I've ever met. I then proceeded to not eat for about 4-5 days trying to go on a hunger strike until I passed away and decided to not go to work for about a week. She kept trying to help and be supportive, but I was so obsessed about this idea that I would somehow turn into him that it didn't matter. All I knew was I had a thought and now I needed to not be here anymore. I was tainted, evil, and horrible. I met with my therapist who was utterly super confused and didn't understand what was happening. He then started asking questions and realized I have OCD. He suggested I see a doctor right away to be put on meds to try and help. So I booked an appointment and saw her right away. She prescribed me Prozac and said we should take it very slow which unfortunately didn't help at all. I continued down my path of self destruction and ended up breaking up with my partner of over 5 years to move in with my Dad due to some persuasion on his part and not fully understanding what was going on. (In the sense of I wasn't going to be here much longer so why hurt her in the way of unaliving when a break up would probably be easier) I then moved in with my dad and ended up telling him the thoughts I was having. He ended up telling me that he knew that's not who I am and that what was happening must be due to severe depression and nothing else. I felt so safe in that moment and i ended up sleeping by him on the futon for about a week straight until he got me into intensive outpatient treatment through my local provider. They put me on sertraline and tried to give that a whirl. Unfortunately, didn't do much. Next was Duloxetine which was the first med that allowed me to control my thoughts. Then Trazadone due to insomnia and lastly Prazosin for Night terrors. I was also put into group for 4 days a week which was helpful, but I didn't know how to talk about any of this so I was mostly quiet and just listened to everyone else. After that i started seeing my main therapist again along with the nurse practitioner at the main therapist building. Since then they have diagnosed me with OCD, Depression, Anxiety, Persistent delusional disorder, Mixed personality disorder, and possible ADHD. TBH it's been a pretty bumpy road since then, Everyday i still suffer from intrusive thoughts and bad compulsions of self-reassurance of that I'm a good person so please no reassuring me that I'm a good person. I'm trying my best to learn how to stop with reassuring but this week my therapist suggested I go on here and start reading posts to realize im not alone and that their are others going through the same problems. Thank you all for pouring your hearts and souls on here to help support one another through these difficult times. And if you got to the end of this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It truly means the world to me that you took the time to read this. I hope it helps you feel not so alone too in this crazy journey we get to call Life. Thank you again <3