- Date posted
- Yesterday
Self-cleanliness/fear of odor?
hi everyone, this is my first post and i’m pretty nervous because i’ve never really talked about my fears in the open before. i find myself worrying constantly that i might smell bad, look dirty/disheveled, or that people think i’m unclean/unsightly. i know a lot of this must stem from self-esteem and body image issues. even when i shower and use lotion, perfume, etc. i feel like there must be some sort of smell that i will never be able to control. when i sit at my cubicle at work, i swear i can smell something off, but people always tell me i smell nice. it’s especially bad when i don’t wash my hair (i have bleached hair that i dye vivid so i try not to wash it often to prevent fading). when i use dry shampoo or corn starch to freshen up my hair, i only feel more dirty and disheveled, even if it looks okay. i admittedly fell victim to the “cleanliness olympics” as the internet may call it, where many creators made videos saying if you didn’t wash a certain way, use certain products, use chemical peels, antibacterial soap, etc. it means you’re unclean. it’s to a point where i’m worried about being unclean, but i’ll go a few days without showering because the task is so daunting, but i will use cloths with soap and scrub myself to at least feel cleaner. i am stuck in a horrible loop and i guess i just want to know if others go through this too… does this count as contamination OCD? i’m very much a newbie as i’ve only just been diagnosed with OCD and i feel very intimidated by what my thoughts and compulsions could mean. i feel so silly for saying that i’m afraid of being dirty/smelling bad while also being stuck in a loop of being unable to bring myself to shower at times. i’m sorry if maybe i worded this badly or if it’s triggering without me realizing.