Compulsions while grieving deceased loved one

For context,I have not yet been diagnosed with ocd but show alot of the symptoms for it. My grandmother passed away earlier this year in may,and I STILL am struggling with things around my grandmother.I struggle to touch her belongings like her clothes,her pillows or blankets,her left over trinkets or makeup and brushes,perfumes etc. My mother has been going through her things and it's emotional for both of us but sometimes the intrusive thoughts or what ifs about touching or inheriting some of her things has been making it difficult to cope,and it breaks my heart since my mother has told me my grandmother would want me to reuse her things yet here I am constantly washing my hands several times,huge anxiety spikes if its somehow disrespectful to take these things,if me using her things will give me 'bad luck' and I hate it,I hate it so much. I don't know how to deal with these compulsions and its making grieving so hard.I'm trying to do at home erp but its so difficult doing it on my own,and its making me feel like a bad granddaughter. :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 4d

My heart goes out to you 💗 OCD attacks/latches onto what we value most. It helps me to think of what I want versus what OCD wants. While intimidating at first, ERP has helped me acclimate myself to distress. This has made it easier for me to choose myself. It gets better, trust me. Take it from someone who not too long ago was basically bed bound with crippling OCD and depression.

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User type: Staff

Date posted: 4d

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amandaw8617

Date posted: 4d

Big hugs for you as your going through this tough time. I also recently 3 months ago lost my grandmother I was very close with and I found myself struggling everyday with the what ifs of every kind of scenario and it just made me feel so sad and defeated and overwhelmed with grief and anxiety and too much stress of it all so im now more medicated but I don’t like this option either really. I have done erp and it changed my life immensely so hopefully you can find something that works for you.

GhoulishFairy

Date posted: Yesterday

Thank you,I'm so sorry you can relate to this pain of losing an close grandparent but know that I appreciate you and hope you're in good company while going through grief too. I want to do erp but I don't have a therapist or psychiatrist to diagnose and do treatment with yet sadly,admittingly I'm still unsure how to do erp at home till then so I worry I might accidentally mess up somewhere.How does erp look like for you,and how do you remain calm when your mind goes into panic mode?

amandaw8617

Date posted: Yesterday

@GhoulishFairy Well hopefully you can get a diagnosis soon so you can start treatment and I didn’t do ERP with a psychiatrist. The one I saw was useless grouchy old prick in my 20’s. You need someone experienced in OCD who can do erp correctly with you to have the most benefit long term. Psychiatrists in my experience are just for diagnosis and medication that’s it. ERP was extremely difficult to do in the beginning because I have such bad harm ocd with violent intrusive thoughts and bad anxiety to the point of physically harming myself because I couldn’t deal with the anxiety and the feeling so defeated. Over time with the right therapist and medication I have become so much more chill. I have been able to stop harming myself and the panic and anxiety doesn’t turn into a spiral for days because I am able to recognize it and say no brain your not doing this to me right now and just breathe.

amandaw8617

Date posted: Yesterday

@GhoulishFairy Once the fear and control of ocd loosens its grip you can stop caring about making mistakes and realize your human and I still have days where it hits me out of nowhere but I have found a life worth living and I hope you can too.

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