Am I self sabotaging my relationship?

Me again! Sorry for all the posts but this is the first time I’ve had a community of people that can maybe relate :)! I overthink my relationship a lot and am borderline obsessed with it like “feeling right” like I know people aren’t perfect but for some reason I expect him to be. He’s been my bf for two plus years. He’s a great boyfriend, treats me very well, have similar values, and we get along great! But.. I always feel like I’m trying to find something wrong with him, or that we don’t have enough in common and lately have been SO focused on him not working out and being pushy about him working out instead of supportive. It’s also something I am honestly pretty obsessed with it as well and struggle to understand why someone wouldn’t want to take part in it. I also feel like I have to tell him everything I’m thinking and feeling about him and the relationship even some of the things I say sometimes aren’t nice. I just have never known peace in this relationship or my last one bc I feel like it’s all I think about all the time and if we’ll work or if we won’t, or if he said something weird or did something weird or if my family doesn’t like him. I just don’t know if he’s not the one, if it’s my rocd or something else. Any advice or even outsider looking in perspective would be great. Here for me to called out too😉

Relationship OCD

JellyBeanJil

Date posted: 13h

I have the same exact thought process and I even find myself going down the rabit hole of thinking "what if there is someone out there better for me" etc. But these thoughts have almost broken my relationship up. I used to tell my bf every single time i had these thoughts and it was leading him to resent me bc i am just so negative and bringing his self esteem down. I took a week break from the relationship to figure out if these thoughts were real or if they were my OCD (not saying you should do this but it helped me a lot) . and in that time apart (no contact) I figured out that I truly loved him and these thoughts were just impulsive, self sabatage in a way. Now, If i get even an ounce of a negative thought regarding my relationship i immediately tell myself " this is ocd this is not you. You may not have the answers to these questions and doubts but thats ok. Youre in this relationship bc you love him and he is amazing to you". then i try to remember a happy memory. I also made a list of 100 things I love about him that are really specific and if i get doubts I read that list and it centers me. I also had a long talk with my bf around understanding my habits and helping me realise when I am having ocd thoughts. having someone recognise these behaviors and notice trends in the questions or thoughts you are asking or bringing up repeatedly will help bring you back to reality. Figure out what you need in these moments of ocd thoughts and relay that to your partner so they can help pull you out of toxic cycles. Communication is key with your partner so they don't feel under attack by our words or actions. If you truly believed any of your OCD thoughts were real then you wouldn't have stayed in the relationship for 2+ years. You dont have to tell him every thought, thats a compulsion in itself. Tell yourself "Im having an OCD thought. I dont need to tell them about these thoughts. I can just sit in the discomfort and let them wash away". then overtime, these thoughts will become less apparent.

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

Yep. Same here. Kind of feels like an iteration of OCD “optimizing”

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond