A vent..

I need some help… for anyone battling this or having battled this (POCD) Today, something awful happened. I had a huge fight with my family. They know all about what I’ve been dealing with and battling, and my depression has become so much to the point I’m a burden. I admit, I have not been doing anything or been wanting to be with anyone because of this obsessive need to “prove I’m not a pedophile”. I feel the need to prove it so I can live freely.. They told me I was being selfish and self absorbed, rightfully so.. and they said I just need to start doing. I know they’re right it’s just so hard. Things got really heated. Even got to the point I pushed/hit my dad and started screaming at them. . It’s so hard to cope and even live with the “I don’t know” or “what if”. I don’t wanna do anything without proof because the intrusive thoughts/urges (I hope they are intrusive) feel so damn real.. way too real… (I’m not making excuses for me being a burden) My question is… how do I not become a burden anymore and struggle with this?.. I can’t hurt my family anymore than I already have. And it’s really hard to motivate myself. I don’t wanna think these intrusive thoughts anymore and I’m afraid they’re not intrusive.