Always in my Head

I wish I had some super good advice for you but I dont however you're not alone and I also am going through that exact same thing and its horrible but those definitely still count as intrusive thoughts from what I've seen from other commenters or people with OCD online and the fact they have caused you to worry and post shows they are. What im trying to do is just immediately labell all thoughts I dont like as intrusive thoughts. Sorry if this isn't helpful I haven't started treatment yet it starts in a couple months so im not that good at dealing with it all yet, I hope you find some peace, know you're not alone.

All thoughts are just thoughts. In reality, obsessive and intrusive thoughts are just as much "our thoughts" as the normal ones. It's a misconception that OCD is fully responsible for the content of the thoughts themselves. OCD is about our *reaction* to thoughts. This all becomes much less scary when you understand that thoughts on their own don't mean anything about you. The brain literally produces tens of thousands of thoughts every day, and most of them are completely nonsensical. The ones that enter our conscious awareness are either relevant to the present situation, or we care about them for one reason or another (including thoughts that scare us). Think of the thoughts in your brain like the constant hum of voices at a crowded party, and every once in a while you pick up a few words or sentences from someone's conversation. Thoughts are no different. Let me put it this way: Steve has OCD, and Sarah doesn't. While waiting for the train, both of them randomly have the thought of pushing a stranger onto the tracks. Sarah acknowledges that it was a strange or scary thought, and maybe even wonders why she thought it, but it doesn't take long for her to disregard it and think about something else. It doesn't set off any alarm bells in her. Steve, on the other hand, simply cannot let it go. He tries to analyze the thought. "Did I think that on purpose? What does that mean about me? Does this mean I really want to do it?" For the rest of the day he might "test" to see if he really liked that thought. He may try to reassure himself that he'd never do that; thinking about every other time he's waited for the train and whether or not he had that thought. He wouldn't let it go without complete and utter certainty that he doesn't want to do that. This preoccupation has an ironic effect: he will end up noticing those kinds of thoughts more and more, and his brain will keep bringing them up because he keeps worrying about them. The point is, it is NOT the thoughts themselves that are the problem. Every human alive is capable of thinking the scariest thoughts you can imagine. The problem isn't even the anxiety that the thoughts may make you feel. The problem is the compulsions and the extreme need for certainty.