Midnight thoughts

2 weeks ago a guy I’ve been on and off with for a long time we spent time in an air b and b together. I was excited we were exchanging gifts for fall. We got there and we ate and watched tv and around 7 pm his mom called I was instantly upset. I know it’s a bad habit but I go silent when I’m upset or bothered it’s a coping mechanism even for a long part of my life I was mute because of depression and childhood trauma. I was upset because his mom is overprotective of him and she just thinks that I am a bad person and thinks I’m competing with her. She assumes every time we hang out we are having s*x which makes me angry all the time because it shows she has low standards. And he agrees with her because his mother’s love is more than for any woman he will ever date. Point of the story we were watching a movie then I was bored of it then we watched TikTok and then I was cracking jokes with him. At some point we were wrestling and then we were kissing but I was pulling away from him saying no. I am the same height as him but he is stronger than me so even when I’m pulling away I can’t.He had my arms pinned down. I eventually give in to the kiss and we make out then at some point he pulls away and says we can’t do that and then he says he feels like he assaulted me. I denied it but I was mad because at that point I wanted to continue so I went to bed mad. Then in the morning I initiated the kissing but then it was like he was kissing me back then pushed away immediately I stopped. Why do I experience this with him? He has always done this with me especially when he wanted to be on the receiving end never the initiating end for my pleasure. I also have just become mute with him because he doesn’t understand me I have autism and it’s hard for me to let my guard down I am constantly masking. He has manipulative behaviors towards others but a part of me thinks he will change the other part has given up. He cares about me but it’s like sometimes a switch turns on and he changes.

Young adults with OCD

murray05train

Date posted: 4d

“I eventually give in” is assault. I had that experience too of my boyfriend at the time begged and begged and begged and I also “eventually gave in”. Later I would initiate a lot to show myself I had control. He can change or he could change but he is still the same person switch on or switch off. I had a similar experience with another guy in thinking I just had to wait for him to change. It was 8 years of waiting and waiting for him to be available and when we are together, it feels amazing. When he goes back to being mute, I feel like I did something wrong. My OCD left me in cycles or confusion, grief, and guilt until I could eventually come to terms with it. He could or he couldn’t but I just wanna say that what I am hearing is similar to what I went through with my ex. He would ice me out if I wouldn’t do this or that. I made a 3 strikes and you’re out rule. The truth is, he never cared about what I was feeling, it onlg mattered if it was him. When I told him I was ace, he blamed himself. When I was telling him how I was feeling, he would tell me how inconsiderate I was. I didn’t know it was harmful until a year later rven after 2-3 years, i’m still deeply traumatized.

miku -_-

Date posted: 4d

@murray05train he does sound like your ex. He acts like cares but then he doesn’t it almost like I can never change his view on me

murray05train

Date posted: 4d

@miku -_- I’m sorry you’re going through something awful. It’s horrible because you want it to be him and you want things to work out so bad. I understand how difficult this must be but when I got out, it was one of the most liberating experiences I’ve ever had.

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